Bad Timing
by Rayrawl
Summary: Tony's been feeling ill for a while, but put it down to having a persistant flu, until it interfers with a case. A trip to the hospital reveals something much worse, and it will change Tony's world forever. Pregnant!Ziva, Sick!Tony. Tiva, Father/son Tibbs.
1. Stake outs and Hospitals

**Hello! Although i'm not new to writing fanfiction, this is my first NCIS Fic, so please, go easy until i develop some kind of flow between myself and the characters. **

**There is a pre-established Tiva relationship here, Pregnant!Ziva and Sick!Tony will feature heavily here. Father/Son for Tibbs. **

**Disclaimer: Sadly, i own nothing affiliated with NCIS used in this story,**

**I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

There are a lot of things DiNozzo's don't do. They don't faint, or pass out, they don't cry, they don't show weakness. They do, however, apparently have really bad timing. This entire past year had been a year of being poorly timed. It started when Ziva and I finally told Gibbs we were breaking rule 12, that we were together. Somehow, we'd managed to forget that the day we were telling him was also the anniversary of Jenny's death. Then, the day we told everyone we were moving in together, was the day McGee got evicted from his apartment. After that, when I finally went to the basement and told Gibbs that Ziva was pregnant, it was Kelly's birthday. Don't get me wrong, he was supportive, excited even, he was pleased, but he was also very, very sad. I should have known, every time, but in the excitement, I'd always picked the wrong time. And this was no exception.

Ziva was 19 weeks pregnant when I first started to feel ill, like I had a strange version of the flu. I was run down, tired, a little feverish and my chest ached something awful. In a fit of hopefulness, I went five weeks taking flu medications, using my inhalers, drinking hot lemon and honey and spending as much time as I could in bed. After that, I gave up and just accepted that I had the flu from hell and it was settling in for a while. No problem, I could deal, the plague was a thousand times worse than this. It wasn't until 8 weeks later, when I'd felt increasingly crappy for two full months and hadn't told anyone, that things went very, very wrong.

Staking people out with McGee was fun, when I didn't feel like curling up in a ball and sleeping for a while. I couldn't even build up enough energy to pick on him a little bit. Eventually, he got antsy with my silence and went to get food. I wasn't hungry, I hadn't had an appetite in weeks, but I let him go, because I don't think I could sit for another second without pulling out my inhaler and trying to relieve some of the strange pain in my chest. Of course, keeping with the theme of bad timing this year, that was the exact moment the man we were waiting to catch appeared from around the corner. He spotted me, somehow, I couldn't tell you how he did it, but he started to run. With a frustrated sigh, I threw down my inhaler and threw myself out of the door, radioing McGee that I was after our guy and he damn well better hurry, before taking off after him.

The guy, a high level drug dealer who's bad coke had killed a Navy Lieutenant's daughter a week ago, was heading for the alley that would lead him out into main street. I'd lose him if he got out there, so I tried to kick it up and close the distance, but the pain in my chest worsened. I couldn't pull in any oxygen, the world was beginning to grey and crumble around the edges. Stumbling, I reached out for the wall to stop myself falling to the ground, but never got there. The pain in my chest worsened again, becoming tight and unbearable, and then the world went dark.

* * *

Coming round in hospitals is never my favourite thing, coming round in hospitals with nasal tubes in, heart monitors, and shallow breathing is even worse. I panicked, trying to sit up and take a deeper breath at the same time. A strong hand pressed down on my shoulder, keeping me on my back while I scrunched my eyes and concentrated on breathing. Taking the first deep breath made something calm inside of me, the second made it so that I could open my eyes. Looking down from above me was a very concerned and angry looking face, piercing icy blue eyes swimming with emotion that was quickly smothered.

'Boss?' I chocked out, Gibbs moved and brought me back a cup of water, offering me sips until I nodded and he put it back on my bedside table. I tried again.

'Boss, what's going on?'

'I don't know, DiNozzo. You tell me?' Hi voice was bland, but his eyes flickered with emotion again, I just couldn't figure out what it was. I shifted my eyes away from his, because I was going to have to tell him how long I'd not been feeling well for, and then he was going to be pissed.

'Waiting, Tony.' I coughed and stuttered for a moment, before closing my eyes, taking another deep breath, and then making eye contact again.

'I've um, I've not been feeling well for a few weeks. I was going after our guy when my chest started to hurt more than it had been and then I.. um..'

'You passed out.'

'Did not,' I muttered under my breath. 'DiNozzo's don't pass out, Boss.' Gibbs scoffed and muttered a 'yeah, right' under his breath, but didn't get to comment anymore because a doctor breezed into the room with a very timid looking nurse trailing behind him.

'Good evening, Mr. DiNozzo. I'm Doctor Fields.' He held his hand out for me to shake and I took it. 'How're you feeling now?' He asked, pen poised over clip board, ready to take notes.

'Just fine.' I answered without thinking about it, it was the fall back response, as it had been for years. Have the plague? Feeling just fine. Shot in the shoulder? All good, Boss. Collapsed while chasing a suspect? Just fine.

Apparently though, it wasn't washing today, because Gibb's gave me the mother of all Gibbs stares and I couldn't not tell them the truth. I sighed.

'I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, my head Is pounding and, do I have a fever because being sweaty and cold is awful?' Gibb's eyes clouded with concern as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked over at the doctor.

'Yeah, you do have a fever, not too high really, but I can imagine it making you feel a bit off. Can you tell me, how long have you not been feeling your best for?'

'Urm, about 8 weeks I think.' I mumbled, Gibbs gave me another glare. 'Sorry, Boss.' I muttered under my breath before turning back to the doctor. 'Do you know what's wrong, can I get out of here?'

'Blood work shows some abnormalities, we'll need to do some more tests to make sure, so the nurse here will take some more blood from you. If all is well, you should probably be okay to get out of here in the morning.' Doctor Fields said with a slight smile, looking up for a second before glancing back down at his clipboard, where a slight frown formed in his forehead.

'Quick as you can with those bloods, Anna, don't want to keep Mr. DiNozzo waiting. I'll see you in the morning.' He smiled once more, shaking my hand, before leaving. Nurse Anna was approaching me with her needle and I felt my eyes widen and my body tense. God, I hated needles. Gibbs chuckled lightly beside me.

'Suck it up, DiNozzo, it's only a needle.'

'Easy for you to say.' I winced as the needled slipped in and blood started to fill the vials. I turned my attention away.

'Urm, Boss, where's Ziva at?' I winced again, only this time not because of the needle. If she found out how long I'd been ill for, she was going to flip.

'She's at mine with McGee. Staying the night. You got real bad timing, DiNozzo, you've got an ultrasound tomorrow.' I groaned. Of course, more bad timing.

'I'll be out in time for that, I'm sure. Tell her not to worry about me.' Gibbs just nodded at me and watched as Nurse Anna finished setting up the IV in my arm and capping all her vials of blood. She smiled at me, timidly, and then scuttled away.

'Maybe you should get off, Boss. Ziva will be worried and she doesn't need the stress.' Gibbs nodded and turned to leave before pausing at the door.

'You sure you're going to be okay for tonight, DiNozzo?' He let his voice fill with concern and it made my eyes sting with tears, this man was more of a father than his own had ever been. He'd never known what concern, compassion, family was before he'd joined NCIS.

'Yeah, I'll be fine. See you in the morning. Oh, and tell Ziva I said I love her.' Gibbs looked at me sceptically when I told him I'd be fine, but he didn't say anything about it, just nodded and smiled.

'Will do, Tony. Try and get some rest, I'll be back to pick you up about ten tomorrow.' With that, he left the room, and I was left to battle with the increasing feeling in my gut that something was very, very wrong. I guess we'd find out tomorrow.


	2. Diagnosis and Secrets

**Hey, thank you all so much for the follows and favourites etc, i was amazed by how many i got! **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, i'm not sure how i feel about it, but hopefully you like it. Let me know if you want anything changing and i'll see if it's applicable to the rest of the story :)**

**I'm sorry to say that updates might be sporadic, i try to update at least once a week but i spend a lot of time in hospital myself (not for anything like this, thank god) and it takes up a lot of my time. Please, be patient with me!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with NCIS.**

* * *

Tony lay awake most of that night, although the weakness and exhaustion his body was feeling tried repeatedly to pull him into slumber. The aches, the strange feeling in his chest, the fever, everything from the past few weeks were becoming more and more familiar. He didn't want to accept it, didn't want to remember how it had felt the last time he'd gone through this almost 30 years ago. He didn't want to think about what it had done to his family, what it had done to his entire life. If it was back now, everything was going to fall apart, and he couldn't let that happen.

It was early the next morning when the doctor returned, maybe just after 7 and well before Gibb's was due to come and get him. Dr. Field's came in with another slightly older doctor trailing behind him, and a nurse. Their faces were plastered with a thinly veiled pity, fake smiles told Tony everything he needed to know. Shutting his eyes tightly against the welling wetness gathering there, he took in a deep breath to steel himself and then looked back up to them, now hovering at the end of his bed.

'It's back, isn't it.' Tony whispered quietly, dropping his gaze when the quietly muttered statements caused the fake smiles to drop and the pity to become more apparent.

'We're afraid so, Mr. DiNozzo.' Dr. Field's sighed. 'Your CBC, differential and peripheral blood smear all indicate that it's back. Blasts and Lymphocytes are high, platelets are low. If what we think is happening, is happening, then what you've been feeling recently is because your neutrophils are low. You can't fight any infections.' Tony drew in a deep breath, feeling the shock settling in that this was happening again. It had been a long time since he'd had to be checked for this, remission and then cure had been words he'd heard many years ago, but he still understood what the doctor was saying like it wasn't nearly 30 years since he was first diagnosed and how he'd been 16 the last time he'd had anything like this show up.

'You still have to do bone marrow biopsy and aspiration though, right? Nothing is conclusive yet?' Hope and fear clouded Tony's voice as he looked up at the three people gathered around his bed. Figuring that the new doctor was his oncologist, he directed the question to him.

'Yes, but with how your bloods are presenting, there's very little doubt at the moment. Mr. DiNozzo. We can have your bone marrow tested by this afternoon if we do it now. With leukemia , you know we have to start treatment as soon as possible.' Tony's breath caught in his throat at the word leukemia. It had been too long, he'd forgotten the kind of fear that word could instil in him. His mind began to shut down, to not think of it. Running on autopilot he replied.

'I can't today. My girlfriend has a ultrasound that I need to be there for.' His voice was blank, quiet. He watched as the nurse took in what his said and sadness overcame her. A man, being diagnosed with a potentially fatal disease, had a pregnant girlfriend.

'Mr. DiNozzo, as I said. We have to get this done as soon as possible. Surely you can contact your girlfriend and explain, you'll need someone here for you, and it's possible we could arrange for her to have an ultrasound here at Bethesda.'

'NO!' Tony shouted, rising up into a more upright position despite his body's protests. Calming his breathing down, he said it again. 'No, I can't tell her yet. I can't tell any of them yet. If it's that important, I can go to the ultrasound and be back here by midday for the test.' The panic residing in him now was more directed into how he was going to keep this from the team. He knew that if he had to start treatment, it would be soon, and impossible to hide from them. The sickness, the hair loss, the weight loss, the lack of appetite, the tiredness, everything that came with treatment for leukaemia was painfully obvious. There was no way he was going to be able to keep this a secret for long. Sighing, his doctor took in the panicked, but determined glare in Tony's eyes and conceded, fishing out his card from his pocket and handing it over.

'Call me as soon as you're on your way back. We'll be ready for you.' The card, stark white with painfully black, slightly raised writing on it declared him as 'Dr. Jaden Oliver - Oncologist.' Tony just nodded, and with a pat on his leg from Doctor Field's, and pitying looks from the nurse and Doctor Oliver, they left him alone.

* * *

It was half nine when Gibb's showed up, wandering into Tony's room with a large cup of coffee in his hand and his cell phone pressed against his ear.

'Yeah, Ziva I'm in his room right now. We'll be down as soon as possible. No, don't, the elevators aren't working and you can't walk those stairs. Yes, Ziva I know! Well be down as soon as possible.' Flipping the phone shut, his eyes flicked over to Tony, who was sat in bed, dressed, and smiling. Tony could feel the smile was too wide, too desperate, but he clung to it, hoping Gibbs wouldn't notice.

It was a stupid thing to hope, of course Gibbs noticed. His eyes narrowed as he took in the dark circles under Tony's eyes, the pallor of his skin, the slight shake to his hands.

'What'd the doc say, DiNozzo?' Gibbs asked, slumping into the chair beside his bed.

'Minor infection, boss. Nothing to worry about, all set to go.' His smile grew slightly wider, making his cheeks ache, as he tired desperately to hold onto the lie until he thought of someway to get through this. Gibbs' eyes narrowed again, but he said nothing, instead just nodding.

'You sign discharge forms yet?' Tony nodded towards the door, where a nurse was currently walking through with a clipboard, a pen, and a small frown.

'Here's your discharge forms, Mr. DiNozzo, although Dr Oli-'

'Yes, thanks Annie, I'll sign them and we'll get out of your hair.' Tony cut her off, pulling the clipboard out of her hands and scribbling his signature in all the marked places, hoping that Gibbs hadn't picked up on the change of Doctor's name from last night. Handing the clipboard back over to Nurse Annie, he smiled tightly and hopped out of bed slowly, trying to stave off the light headed dizziness that kept creeping up on him. Annie gave him an odd look, but nodded and left the room.

'DiNozzo.' Gibbs said as he stood and was now at the end of the bed, Tony was by the door now and almost out. He should have known that Gibbs wouldn't miss it, or let it go.

'Who was the doctor the nurse just mentioned, and why'd you cut her off like that?' Tony sucked in a breath, plastered on what he hoped would be a convincing smile and turned.

'Annie likes to talk, we would have been here another half an hour if I hadn't cut her off.' Tony chuckled nervously. 'And Dr. Oliver is the Doctor who was on-call this morning.' Gibbs, thankfully, seemed to accept this, and together they made their way down the endless flights of exhausting stairs, to the car with an impatient Ziva in, and were on their way to the appointment with the OBGYN.

* * *

Thankfully, both Gibbs and Ziva had to go back to the office. Although Ziva was now confined to her desk, something she hated and complained about to no end. Tony had an approved week of recovery time assigned to him, sorted out by Gibbs the night before with Director Vance. That left him free to head to the hospital without anyone knowing. He could go, get the bone marrow biopsy and aspiration, thankfully done at the same time, and be home before Ziva would be. He hated that he couldn't bring himself to even tell the woman he loved, the woman carrying his child, just how badly things were about to go wrong. But it was a sign of weakness, DiNozzo's don't need to rely on anyone, we don't need help. It was his own insecurities, along with how his father had treat him when he was younger and ill, that culminated in him keeping it quiet for now.

Thinking back on the ultrasound as he parked up at Bethesda, Tony's eyes watered. He'd almost broken down and told her right then as their doctor waved the chunky wand over her swollen abdomen and showed them their growing child. A strong heartbeat had echoed around the room, arms and legs flailing slightly inside her womb. That tiny little thing that they'd created, he loved that child so much already, and now, if things went for the worst, he might never even hold it. Shaking himself, and steeling himself, he left the car and headed back to the hospital. Thankfully, the lifts were working this time.

Dr. Oliver met Tony just as he was going through the doors into the oncology department.

'Mr. DiNozzo, how was the ultrasound?' He asked, his arm outstretched to shake hands.

'Please, call me Tony. Mr. DiNozzo makes me sound like my father. And it was perfect, arms, legs, nose, strong heartbeat.' Tony smiled, thinking back on how him and Ziva had decided that, when the doctor asked them if they wanted to know gender, they wouldn't accept. Just being glad that their child was healthy.

'Excellent news, Tony. Now, if you'd like to come this way. The room for your procedure is ready and you need to change into a gown while we get scrubbed up.'

Contrary to popular belief, bone marrow biopsies and aspirations don't hurt too much. The anaesthetic takes away the worst of it, and after that the worst of it is the feeling of pressure and slight sting when the hollow needle twists to get the bone and the marrow they need. It's afterwards, the recovery once the anaesthetics wear off that it starts to ache, and feel like a really bad bruise. Other than that, the waiting is the worst. The waiting for the results that Dr. Oliver had told him would take an hour if he rushed them, and he was rushing them. An hour of sitting in a room with magazines he was flicking through without reading. An hour of hoping for the best and expecting the worst. He only got forty three minutes in before he rang Ducky.

'Dr. Mallard, NCIS. How may I help you?' Tony sighed and considered what he would say. Ducky was his physician, he knew that Tony had had APL in his childhood, he had to. Same as Dr. Pitt knew, when it came up during 'medical history' when he had the plague.

'Ducky, it's Tony.'

'Ah, Anthony. How are you feeling after your escapades yesterday?' The kindly doctor inquired.

'Urm, that's what I need to.. Can you erm..'

'Anthony, my dear boy, what is it?' Concern laced Ducky's voice now and hot tears pricked at Tony's eyes.

'I need you to come to Bethesda for me, Ducky, without telling anyone.' Tony managed to whisper.

'Well, I think I can about manage that. Which department am I heading for?' Tony could hear Ducky sliding into his coat and hat, heading out the back entrance to the morgue.

'Oncology.' Tony whispered, and then hung up before Ducky could reply.

Ducky arrived ten minutes later, looking concerned and friendly. Taking the seat next to Tony's and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

'Anthony, what is going on?' He asked quietly.

'They.. I..' Tony sighed and ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath and tried to continue.

'High blasts and lymphocytes. Low platelets and neutrophils. All the common symptoms. It's back Ducky, just waiting for the bone marrow to confirm.'

'Oh, Anthony, my dear boy.' Ducky murmured, wrapping a comforting arm around Tony's shoulders and hugging him against him for a moment. A knock at the door startled them both.

'Mr. DiNozzo?' A young nurse popped her head around the door.

'Yep?' Tony answered, pulling out of Ducky's half embrace to stand up, the elderly doctor following suit.

'Dr. Oliver has your results back, if you'd like to follow me.'

Tony took another deep breath, steeling himself for what he knew the results would be.

'Show time.' He muttered under his breath, before they followed the nurse out of the room.


	3. Confirmation and Sharing

**Hey :) Looks like this week I'm going to be updating a lot more than expected. I want to get through a lot before i go back to college or other aspects of life complicate things. I was so amazed by the response to this story that my muse has apparently come back two-fold, so I'd brace yourself for maybe a chapter a day for the next week, possibly.**

**Anyways, hope you enjoy this one!**

* * *

Ducky followed Tony, who was following the nurse, towards the office just three doors down from the waiting room. Tony glanced behind him, making sure the elderly man had not disappeared or abandoned him in the past thirty seconds before going through the door behind the nurse.

'Ah, Tony. Come in, take a seat and.. Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you had someone with you.' Tony took a seat by the desk while Ducky introduced himself.

'Dr. Donald Mallard, Tony's physician. Call me Ducky, please.' Ducky extended his hand for the handshake and then took the seat beside Tony, briefly laying a comforting hand on Tony's hand. He was fidgeting now, knowing that the results would be bad, but still wishing, hoping and praying for anything but. Dr. Oliver sat back down in his chair behind the desk and flipped open the clipboard, scanning over it before laying it back down and pressing his fingers against the wood of his desk.

'Tony, I'm sorry. You have acute promyelocytic leukemia. It's back.' Blood roared in Tony's ears, everything after that was quiet murmurs in the back ground of his shock. The last of the hope he'd been clinging to now dissipating. He caught words like 'higher than 20% blasts' and 'immediate treatment' and 'aggressive'. But for the moment, none of that mattered.

'Tony? Anthony!' Ducky lightly shook Tony's arm, pulling him away from the blood roaring through his head.

'What? Oh, sorry.' He whispered, they must have asked him something. 'What did you say?'

'Dr Oliver was just talking about treatment, for such an aggressive strain of APL it must start as soon as possible. You can be admitted tonight and start the first part of chemotherapy in the morning.'

'No, I can't.' Tony shook his head, he couldn't. He couldn't go home and tell Ziva he was possibly dying , he couldn't call Gibbs, he couldn't get McGee and Abby together. He couldn't do it. He probably wouldn't ever be able to do it.

'Anthony, my dear boy. I know this is hard, I know, but you have to tell them and you have to start the treatment. It's the best chance you have right now.' Ducky's voice was calm, comforting.

'Ducky,' Tony whispered, raising tear filled eyes to him. 'Ducky I can't, not tonight. Please.' Ducky sighed and turned back to Dr. Oliver, who was now perched on the side of his desk, watching them.

'Is it possible to perhaps give him a day or two?' Ducky asked the oncologist. Dr Oliver sighed and ran a hand along his face.

'It's not in his best interests, but we can hold off until maybe this time Friday before we have to get him admitted and started on the chemotherapy. After that, I have to insist he's here.'

'Of course. Tony, do you understand? You have two days maximum to tell whoever you need to before we have to start the treatment.' On autopilot, Tony replied.

'I understand, Duck. Thanks Dr. Oliver.' Tony stood, not shaking the doctor's hand or saying anything, and walked out leaving Ducky to do the niceties and catch up with him.

Tony made it all the way down the hallway. The elevator, outside and into his car before he began to cry. It wasn't long until they turned to sobs, and maybe ten minutes later they finally started to calm down enough for him to realise Ducky had climbed into the passenger seat beside him.

'Anthony..' Ducky reached out and put his hand on Tony's shoulder.

'I can't do this again, Ducky.' Tony whispered. 'I can't.'

'Yes, you can Tony. You've done this before when you were young and almost helpless. You're now strong, a healthy federal agent with things to fight for. Yes, you can do this.'

'I remember what it feels like, Duck. The weakness and sickness after chemo, the nosebleeds, the bruises, the taste of toxin in your mouth, the way hair falls out of your head, the feel of Hickman lines in your chest. The way your body tries to fight graft vs. Host and all the other infections that come along. Heck, I even remember the headaches after having chemo injected into my spinal fluid, and they sedated me for most of that. I can't. Ducky, I can't do this again.'

'Anthony. Yes you can. You have to, for the team, for Ziva, for your unborn child. Yes, the statistics are worse off when the disease is found this late and this developed, but there is a 60-70% chance of cure right now. So you will do this, for them, if not for yourself.' Tony looked up at Ducky with wide eyes brimming with tears, and Ducky sighed.

'It's not the being ill that is scaring you, is it Tony? It's the way they will react, you're scared of them being your parents?' Tony just kept looking at him.

'They love you, Anthony, and they would never abandon you. Especially not at a time like this.' There was twenty minutes of relative silence after that before Ducky climbed out and went for his own car, and Tony made his way home, getting there just ten minutes before Ziva was due home.

* * *

Ziva was worried about him, that much was obvious. She had been all night, after he'd crushed her to him the minute she'd walked through the door. Her question as to whether he was okay was answered with a murmured, albeit typical, 'I'm fine' before he'd let her go, turned around and finished making dinner.

The same reply came when he pushed his food around on his plate without eating and she asked again, and again when they were lying in bed and he kept murmuring, almost desperately, that he loved her.

Ziva was expressing that worry to Gibbs when Tony turned up in the bullpen the next day.

'Well, Ziver, he is just getting over this infection and- DiNozzo, what you doing here? You have a week off!' Gibbs exclaimed. Ziva whirled and looked at him incredulously.

'Tony, are you okay?' She asked quietly, moving towards him.

'I'm fine.' He replied automatically, before remembering that he had actually come here to tell them the truth. Ducky had rung and expressed his worry about waiting any longer to start treatment for half an hour after Ziva left for work, and he'd finally relented. He sighed. 'Actually, no, I'm not. I need you all to meet me down in autopsy in ten.' With that, he turned and headed down to Ducky, leaving his team worrying behind him.

Ducky was waiting for him in autopsy, Jimmy having been relegated to wait outside until the others arrived, which they did, five minutes later. Abby trailed in a moment after them.

'Tony!' She rushed over and hugged him. 'Are you okay? You don't look too good. Ducky rang and said I had to come down because you had something important to tell us and I came down as soon as I could and-' Tony sighed and cut her off.

'Abby, Abs, breath. Go on stand with the others and I'll tell you all.' He laid a light kiss on her temple and she turned to join the line of team mates leaning against the autopsy table. Tony looked over them all, feeling small and tired. They were his family, he shouldn't be frightened of telling them this, he should be glad that he could get it out and have their support. Looking at Ziva made his heart ache, she'd lost so much in her life, and now when things seemed to be going well for once, he was about to ruin things. Ducky reached over and put a hand on Tony's arm.

'Anthony..' He murmured quietly, the others looked on perplexed. Tony shut his eyes and took a breath.

'I know, Duck, I know.' Opening his eyes, but keeping his eyes trained on his Gucci's, Tony gathered himself to speak.

'I- erm, well it's not just a 'minor infection' that's got me so ill right now.'

'DiNozzo..' Gibbs growled. Tony raised his eyes to look at them.

'I know boss, I'm sorry. It's well- When I was a child, about 6, I was diagnosed with something called APL.' Abby and Palmer looked at each other in horror, knowing with their scientific and medical knowledge what APL was. Tears welled in Abby's eyes and her hand moved to cover her mouth. Gibbs, Ziva and McGee looked at him with confusion.

'And when I was at the hospital, the bloods they took showed signs of it being back. After you went back to work yesterday, Ziva, I went back to the hospital for another test which confirmed it. It's back.' Abby was sobbing now, cradled into Palmers side, who looked like he was somewhere between shock and tears himself.

'What the hell is APL, DiNozzo?' Gibbs asked, perplexed as to why his scientist, and both the men from autopsy were having such strong reactions.

'It's acute promyelocytic leukemia, boss.' McGee went green, Gibbs eyes went wide and his face paled. Ziva still looked confused. 'I have cancer.'


	4. SharingII and Hickman Lines

**Told you, a chapter a day while the muse is around! Anywho, i know that it seems like treatment started in a rush, but with the experience i have had with a family member with AML, it generally does happen very fast once diagnosis happens. They got their diagnosis in the morning, their Hickman by midday and were suffering the first side effects of chemo by ten that night. Very quick, very scary, very horrible.  
**

**Let me know what you think :)**_**  
**_

* * *

_**Previously : **_

_**'What the hell is APL, DiNozzo?' Gibbs asked, perplexed as to why his scientist, and both the men from autopsy were having such strong reactions.**_

_**'It's acute promyelocytic leukemia, boss.' McGee went green, Gibbs eyes went wide and his face paled. Ziva still looked confused. 'I have cancer.'**_

* * *

Abby threw herself at Tony, who caught her and tried to steady himself at the same time. She was sobbing into his chest loudly while the others tried to take in what he'd just said. Ziva just stared at him, open-mouthed, while McGee continuously swallowed and tried to make words form in his mouth. Gibbs was somewhere between shocked and angry, with a tiny bit of concern.

'Abs, Abby shush.' Tony rubbed her back. 'Abby, please, I'll be fine, I promise.'

'You can't promise that, Tony! Do you have any idea what the survival rate for APL caught late is, do you!?' She cried loudly into his neck.

'Abby!' Gibbs exclaimed. Abby whirled around and out of Tony's arm, throwing her hand over her mouth again.

'Oh, god, Tony I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that.' She whispered. Tony pulled her back towards him and laid a kiss on her forehead.

'It's okay, Abs. I know what the chances are.' Abby let out a little whimper before pulling away and going to cuddle into Ducky who was waiting patiently beside Tony.

'What exactly are the chances, DiNozzo?' Gibbs asked quietly, stepping forward with his arms down by his sides, his fists clenched.

'Urm, well, it wasn't caught early and with the lung scars and the waiting to start treatment and everything, well..'

'It's not great, Jethro, but not impossible. Tony here is strong, a fighter, I have the highest hopes.' Ducky spoke quietly, still consoling Abby. Gibbs averted his eyes and began to pace around the room, not meeting anyone's eyes. Jimmy stepped forward next.

'Tony, jesus, erm, well- I'm sorry-' He managed to stutter out before Tony laid a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him.

'I know, Jimmy. Thanks.' McGee looked like he was still trying to find his words, so Tony just smiled lightly at him and got another swallow in return, before turning his eyes to Ziva. Her face was blank, empty, hiding whatever she was feeling. Tony took a step towards her before she finally broke and tears welled in her eyes.

'Ziva..' He began, but she cut him off.

'I can not lose you.' She whispered quietly.

'Ziva, I- You..' Tony tried before getting cut off again.

'No, I will not lose you.' She stepped forward suddenly, her eyes blazing with emotion. 'Do you understand? I will not lose you.' Everyone else looked on as she stepped closer to him, glaring at him with her finger jabbed into the middle of his chest.

'Understood.' Tony whispered back to her.

'Good.' She growled in return, before turning and stalking out as quickly as her legs would carry her.

'McGee, go after her.' Gibbs said quietly before turning his attention back to Tony.

'Y-yes boss.' He managed to get out, before shooting what he hoped was a sympathetic look to Tony. It looked more like pity to him, but never mind.

'When does treatment start, DiNozzo?' Gibbs asked, sill quiet, his voice controlled. Tony looked at Ducky.

'I rang Doctor Oliver this morning, he's expecting you to have taken yourself in for admission by midday. I expect treatment will start once he's gone over everything with you and had the surgeon insert your Hickman line, so probably sometime this evening.'

'And what exactly does treatment consist of?' Gibbs was focused on Tony, but the question was directed at Ducky.

'Initial treatment usually involves a anthracycline chemotherapy drug and an all-trans-retinoic acid, or ATRA for short. If that works as it is meant, then consolidation therapy begins, which is more chemotherapy and often more ATRA.' Tony was nodding along with this as Ducky spoke.'

'When I was first diagnosed, they used arsenic trioxide instead of chemo to try and make it as easy on my body as possible. It didn't work, so they moved to chemo.' Tony let out a sad chuckle . 'God, I hate this.' Ducky reached out a squeezed Tony's shoulder with his free hand.

'I know, Anthony, but it has to be done.' Ducky murmured.

'You said if that works, Duck. What happens if it doesn't?'

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Jethro. For now, lets concentrate on being somewhat positive, shall we?' Ducky gave a pointed look to Gibbs, and then tilted his head to Tony, who was now leaning against Ducky's desk with his head in his hands.

'Yeah, cross that bridge when we come to it. Hey, Tony?' Tony looked up at his boss, surprised by the use of his first name.

'Yeah, boss?'

'You talked to Vance yet?' Tony groaned. 'I'll take that as a no. Come on, we'll go up now. Better get it out of the way before you start treatment, huh?' Tony just nodded and followed Gibbs out of autopsy, leaving Ducky and Palmer to console Abby.

The head slap he got in the elevator was the most normal thing that had happened in what felt like forever.

'What was that for, Boss?'

'For not telling me when you first knew, DiNozzo!'

'Got it, Boss.' Tony replied.

* * *

In the end, although Vance was annoyed at having not been told earlier, the time off was granted without any trouble. Tony was confused as to why everyone was angry about not being told sooner. He'd only known himself for less than a day! No matter though, he thought, as he and Ducky made their way through the hospital.

That wasn't the worst part of the day, really. The worst part was telling everyone that they could not, under any circumstances, come along to the hospital with him this afternoon. The ensuing argument from Ziva and Gibbs had to be redirected to the conference room before it drew in too big a crowd. Eventually, Ducky cut it off by saying that they probably wouldn't both be able to stay anyway, and given he was going with him as his physician, it wasn't like he'd be alone.

Ziva had been the worst, the look in her eyes when he'd kissed her before leaving with Ducky and he'd told her she should probably stay with Gibbs or McGee tonight.

'I do not want to stay with them, I want to be with you. I want to help you.' She'd whispered, her hands wrapped in his t-shirt, clinging to him.

'Ziva, really, you don't want to see this happen. It's awful. The sickness, the weakness. It's not something I want you to see me go through just yet.' He'd whispered against her hair, pulling her as close to him as he could get her.

'I do not care, Tony! We are in this together, are we not? As we are with everything else.' He could feel the wetness of her tears against the material of his shirt.

'I know, Zi, but I can't. Just for tonight, let the worst of the sickness pass. Ducky will let you know how I am in the morning.'

'Tony..' She's whimpered quietly, pulling away from him and wiping furiously at her tears. He'd kissed her gently one more time, smoothed a hand over her swollen stomach, before following Ducky to the elevator.

Now he was following Ducky through Oncology, heading for the room the nice nurse had pointed him to. He was dragging his feet, delaying getting to the room, delaying the side effect talk, delaying the wristband, the IV, the sickness. Delaying it all. He didn't want to do this. He couldn't do this.

He had to do this. For Ziva, for the baby, for Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Palmer, Abby. For his family.

* * *

They'd been in the hospital almost 6 hours now. The room they ended up in eventually was generic. In that paint that apparently only hospitals can have, with a abstract painting on the wall, blue curtains, one of those TV's that gets basic channels and has no DVD player. A rolling table, a little white cup of anti-sickness pills, and IV of toxins to kill his immune system in order to restart it, a doctor with a list as long as his arm for side-effects.

'I'm sure you remember the worst of it, Tony.' Dr. Oliver was saying. 'It's always the worst on the first night, hopefully the Cyclizine will stave off the sickness for at least a while, but expect it. Weight loss, loss of appetite, hair loss eventually, fatigue, fertility problems, although you said your girlfriend was pregnant?' Tony nodded. 'So we don't have to worry about that. It's a long list Tony, and I'm not going to go through it all and scare you over again when you know it anyway. If you have any questions later, feel free to ask me or your nurse, okay?' Another nod.

'Ready?' Doctor Oliver asked with a forced cheerfulness that somehow all oncology doctors seem to possess.

'No.' Tony chuckled nervously before closing his eyes and sighing. 'Go for it anyways.' He'd had his Hickman line put in four hours ago, and it still felt awkward and horrible, but he'd just have to get used to it because his doctor wasn't giving him a choice. It was either accept the treatment, or face the wrath of his family. He reached out and swallowed the anti-emetics before anyone could tell him to. He remembered being young and refusing them the first time he'd had Chemo, it wasn't a mistake he was willing to make again. The doctor reached over, plugging in the IV to his central line and then fiddling with the adjuster until he was satisfied.

'It'll take a couple of hours to get through, but I'd expect symptoms and side effects if you're going to have them within an hour.' Dr Oliver said quietly as Tony sat back in his bed and watched as the toxins flowed down the tube and into his chest. 'Press your buzzer as soon as you need anything. Nurse Isabelle here is your nurse for the night.' Tony nodded and continued to watch the line in his chest. Ducky and Dr. Oliver shook hands before he left.

'You should go before this gets gross, Duck.' Tony said quietly, turning his attention to the kindly man by his bed.

'I'm not going anywhere, Tony. And this is hardly 'gross' as you say. We have both seen worse.'

'Ducky..' Tony sighed.

'I will not think less of you, no one will, for what this disease is going to do to you. Do not worry, dear boy.' Ducky replied quietly, reaching out and patting Tony's arm.

'You'll regret saying that in an hours time, Ducky.' Tony murmured, turning away from the doctor to hide his expression. He hated this. He'd hated it when he was young and he hated it even more now. At least, when he'd been a child, he'd been left to private doctors in his own home. Although he had a real family now, one that cared, Tony wasn't sure that at right this moment, that was a good thing.


	5. Extended stay and Unexpected visitors

The response i'm getting for this is amazing, thank you so much!

To those who asked whether this is a death fic - I'm really just not sure yet. I only plan one or two chapters ahead at a time, but if it's coming up i'll be sure to give you plenty of warning.

Nothing too interesting happens here, but the general ickyness of hospital admissions and chemo need to be covered, even just a little bit. Also, Vulnerable Ziva makes a reappearance, because i think it's sweet.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of NCIS.

* * *

The nausea turned into actual vomiting a half hour into the chemo. Ducky tried to rub Tony's back, tried to offer him some comfort, but he wouldn't let him. He'd done this before by himself, he could do it again. Eventually, even Ducky, the usually unshakable doctor, got annoyed with him.

'Anthony, I am here to help. You do not have to do this alone!' Tony had just finished chucking up what seemed like the entire past months contents of his stomach and was falling back into his pillow.

'I don't need help, DiNozzo's don't need help.' Tony muttered under his breath, exhaustion pulling him down.

'Oh, Tony.' Ducky sighed, reaching up with a damp cloth and wiping the sweat from Tony's forehead. 'What extent did your parents abandon you in your time of need?' Ducky asked, although it was more of a to-himself-rhetorical kind of thing, because Tony didn't offer him an answer. Instead, he took the reprieve from the sickness to try and fall into an uneasy sleep. It felt like he'd been out for five minutes before two people muttering by his door woke him up.

'He's not going to like this at all. He doesn't even want me here.' That sounded like Ducky.

'I'm not going to like what, Duck?' Tony said, his voice heavy with exhaustion. He heard a quiet sigh before two sets of footsteps made their way closer to his bed. Tony began trying to sit up to see who the other person was, but the nausea rolled over him suddenly and he turned, retching and coughing over the side of his bed until Ducky rushed around and put the basin beneath his mouth. Whoever the other person was, it felt like a man by the hands, helped him sit forward and ran circles over his back until the new wave of sickness passed. When his head stopped spinning, Tony glanced up to see who the new arrival was and groaned inwardly. Gibbs. Of course it was Gibbs.

'Boss, you shouldn't be here.' Tony whispered, trying to pull away from Gibbs hands on his back.

'I had to, DiNozzo, thought Ziva was going to murder me if I didn't come down myself to check on ya.' Tony sighed and let Gibbs help him settle back into the pillows behind him before he averted his eyes.

'Sorry you had to see that.' Tony whispered, his throat dry and sore from the retching. Ducky held the straw to his cup to his mouth until he nodded that he was okay.

'Tony..' Gibbs sighed.

'You should probably go, Ziva shouldn't be alone.' Tony cut him off.

'Not going anywhere Tony, and she's not, Abby is there with her.' It was Tony's turn to sigh this time. Gibbs was settling into the chair that Ducky had been in before, signalling he was planning on staying for a while.

'Seriously, Boss.. This isn't something you-' The head slap caught him off guard.

'Quiet, DiNozzo. I'm staying, end of discussion.'

'Got it.' Tony muttered, reaching up to rub his head.

'You can head home if you want, Duck. I'm not going anywhere tonight.' Gibbs said.

'Ah, yes. Perhaps I should get back for some rest. Anthony, I'll be back to see you tomorrow.'

'Kay, thanks Duck.' Tony replied, settling back into his pillows and closing his eyes, exhaustion pulling him under again.

* * *

In the end, neither he nor Gibbs got any rest that night. The sickness went on well past when the first dose of chemo was through with and into the morning. When Doctor Oliver came back to check how he was doing at around 9 the next day, Tony was irritable, worn out, in pain and still nauseous. Gibbs was quietly worried, he'd never seen someone throw up that much in his entire life and it was unsettling. He could only imagine how much worse this was going to get if DiNozzo was planning on getting healthy eventually. He could also see why he'd wanted to keep the team away for now.

'How are you feeling this morning, Tony?' Dr. Oliver asked, clipboard and pen in hand.

'Just dandy.' He murmured, shooting a glare at the doctor under heavy lids.

'Tony.' Gibbs gently scalded.

'Like crap, doc. I never remembered it being this awful before.'

'It is a strong dose, Tony. Probably stronger than you had when you were young. How was the nausea during the night?'

'Never ending. I'm still being sick and they unhooked me hours ago.' The doctor sighed.

'Tony, you know the sickness continues. I know it's hard, but you have to think positively about this. It's step one on the way to getting better.'

'I felt better when I just thought it was the flu.' Tony mumbled, Gibbs scoffed.

'I'm sure you did.' The doctor replied. 'Now, pain score?'

'With this headache and the achyness and everything, probably an eight.' Tony replied, shutting his eyes while he talked.

'I'll have a nurse bring you some painkillers when she comes in with the anti-emetics.' The doctor set his clipboard down on the table and looked up to both Tony and Gibbs. 'As I said last night, this is just the first round of chemotherapy you need. This 6 hour drip will need to be done every three weeks for the first cycle and then we'll see where we go from there. In between, you'll have to come in for regular checks and such. For now, we'll keep you in for two to three days depending on how you're feeling and then let you go.'

'Two or three days? I have a job, and a family. And really, who can't deal with a little sickness at home?'

'Tony, with the kind of chemotherapy you're receiving, chances of infection are high. We have to keep an eye on you for a while. I'm sorry, but I can't let you go yet.'

Tony slumped back into the pillows, having risen up onto his elbows when he'd found out how long he'd be stuck here.

'Will I have to stay more than one night every time?'

'Yep,' Dr. Oliver replied, 'And depending on how things go, I'd expect at some point you'll be here between that as well. It's going to be hard, Tony, I won't lie, but the best treatment you can get is here with us.' Tony looked like he was about to argue when Gibbs cut in.

'He'll do whatever you need him to do, doc.' Gibbs was glaring at him, Tony could feel it burning into his skull even though his eyes were closed.

'Fine.' Tony muttered under his breath, the doctor gave an amused chuckle before letting them know a nurse will be right in and leaving.

* * *

Two days in a hospital passes really, really slowly. Somehow, Gibbs had managed to keep the rest of the team away from the hospital at Tony's request. A request he was now regretting. The sickness was down to a minimum, the TV was boring, Gibbs always won card games and he wasn't allowed to go outside for fresh air yet. All of that added together made him almost glad when Ziva snuck in towards the end of the second day. Gibbs had left for coffee five minutes earlier, and then she'd popped up out of no where and was suddenly in the seat beside him.

'Tony..' She whispered, reaching a hand out and laying it on his arm. He watched her as she inspected him, taking in the signs of exhaustion on his face, the paleness of his skin, the shake to his hands, the already slightly obvious weight loss. She swallowed. 'How are you feeling?' Tony smiled lightly at her.

'Not great, Zi, but I'll be coming home tomorrow. How are you and the little one?'

'Worried about you.' She replied, sliding her hand down and intertwining their fingers. 'And hungry, always hungry.' Tony chuckled, being hungry was something Ziva had complained about since she'd been around 13 weeks pregnant. She believed that with a baby and all the extra food, she'd never get back into fighting shape. When Ziva had first voice this concern to her, laying in bed one night, he'd told her she needn't worry about that anymore, he'd fight enough to keep all three of them safe if he had to. That night was the first night they'd made love since she'd found out she was pregnant.

Ziva grinned at him, knowing which memory he was currently reliving, but it dropped quickly. She turned her head quickly, furiously blinking away the tears there.

'Hey, Ziva..' Tony reached out, grabbing the hand she was now pulling away. 'Ziva, what's wrong?'

'I'm going to lose you.' She had her head down, refusing to look at him.

'Oh, Ziva.' He whispered, raising her hand to brush a kiss along her knuckles. 'You're not going to lose me.' Ziva looked up at him, faint tears making their way along her cheeks. Tony shifted across in his bed and patted the free space beside him, she hesitated, but a tug on her hand encouraged her and she climbed up next to him, snuggling under his arm, burying her head in his chest. Tony ran soothing circles on her back until she began to settle down.

'Do you promise?' Ziva whispered, her head still buried in his chest. Tony sighed and leaned down, pressing a kiss into her hair. Leaving his lips to brush against her head, he replied.

'I promise,' He whispered. 'I promise.'


	6. Paperwork and Platelets

**Thank you all so much for the follows/favourites/reviews. I'm amazed, thank you!**

**Sorry i didn't update yesterday, something happened with my own health that required me to put this off for a night. This should, hopefully, make up for that.**

**Hopefully, you enjoy it :)**

* * *

Although Tony wanted to be home, wanted to be back with Ziva and gaining some kind of normalcy, everything seemed wrong. It was different, he was different, people were acting different. It was also very boring. He couldn't go back to work, some days he was too tired to even want to get out of bed, and being alone while Ziva went into the office was nerve-wracking. Being scared was something DiNozzo's weren't meant to be, but by now Tony had figured that only applied to something he could hunt, chase, shoot or arrest. Not something like this. He had to sit at home and wait until something happened or he had to go back to the hospital. Which is why, when he'd been home just after a week, and was on the verge of going insane with the boredom, Tony decided it was time to pay a visit to the team.

Driving was more tiring and needed more concentration than he'd remembered, and the walk from one side of the car park to the front door of NCIS headquarters was exhausting, but he was focused. He could do this. He was dressed in a black Armani suit, black shirt, black tie. It was what Ziva had once referred to as his 'suit of armour', something he hid behind during a particularly brutal case or if his father was in town. Tony figured she could add 'hiding the full extent of your sickness from the team' to the list now if she wanted to, because that was what he was doing. He'd taped his Hickman line down with medical tape, held his shoulders high and plastered on the best DiNozzo smile he could muster.

There was a feel to the floor they worked on that made Tony feel more content than he did almost anywhere else. It was familiar, it was constant, it held his family. He smiled as he stepped off the elevator, the familiar ping reminding him to make sure the smile was still in place and he looked about as healthy a terminally ill person could. As he rounded the corner, he smiled when he saw Gibbs, Ziva and McGee facing the plasma behind Gibbs' desk, facing away from him. Quietly, he moved to stand just behind them watching as they dished out information. The case, apparently, was that of a murdered petty officer in his home late last night. Married, no children, devoted to the core.

'It's the wife, always the wife.' Tony said as neutrally as possible from where he was standing, bracing himself for their reactions. McGee whirled around with an exclamation of 'Tony!' with his best shocked face on. Ziva and Gibbs just stared at him.

'Tony, what are you doing here?' Ziva asked, her voice laced with both concern and annoyance.

'I work here, Zee-vah.' Tony drew out her name, knowing it would add a little more annoyance to her tone and take away some of the concern he'd grown so tired of hearing recently. Gibbs sat back against his desk and looked over Tony, the black on black suit, the paleness of his skin, the slight hint of boredom and desperation in his eyes. He sighed and stood up.

'You do paperwork, and you do not move from that desk unless it is to use the bathroom or visit Abby, understood?' Tony let out a breath he'd been holding and gave the first true smile he'd had since he'd fallen ill.

'Got it, boss.' Ziva turned and stared at Gibbs incredulously.

'You are going to let him stay?'

'He's in the office now, Ziva, might as well make himself useful.' She huffed and made her way back to her desk, lowering herself slowly into the chair. Tony found it endearing and kind of relieving that she was moving somewhat slowly these days. It meant that she couldn't kill him, and that she was too slow to be out where anyone could kill her. Tony shot a grin her way and went to sit, waiting for Gibbs to deposit the paperwork on his desk.

Tony got an hour and a half into the paperwork before an all too familiar wave of exhaustion washed over him, and along with that came the twinge of nausea that still haunted him. As quietly as he could, he popped one of the anti-sickness pills he'd been prescribed, rested his head in one hand, poised his pen in the other and went back to looking over the requisition form. It wasn't until he felt his head grow heavy in his hand and he'd read the same line about hotel fee's ten times without really reading it that Gibbs intervened.

'If you're not going to go home, DiNozzo, go down to Abby's lab and get some rest.' The other two looked up at him, taking in the fact that whilst they weren't looking his skin had gone a shade paler, his hands were shaking lightly and the dark circles beneath his eyes had become more pronounced.

'I'm fine, Boss.' Tony called out, forcing himself to grip the pen tighter and re-read the line again. The next time he glanced up, Gibbs was stood right in front of his desk, watching him.

'You're not fine, Tony.' Gibbs said, a little more gently than Tony thought he meant to. 'You either go take a nap in the lab or I have an escort take you home and put you under house arrest.'

'Gibbs, really I'm fi-' Gibbs cut him off by putting his hands down on his desk and leaning forward.

'Now, DiNozzo.' Tony sighed, dropped his pen and stood.

'Fine.' He muttered under his breath, making his way towards the elevator, the extent of his exhaustion becoming apparent with each heavy step he took.

'Abby!' Tony shouted over the pounding music. 'Abs!' Abby turned, hitting the pause on the remote at the same time, before running over to him and pulling him into a hug. Eventually, she pulled back and slapped him lightly on the arm.

'Hey, what was that for?' Tony chuckled, pulling away from her.

'You're not supposed to be here, you're supposed to be home resting!'

'I was going crazy, and I'm only doing paperwork.' Abby narrowed her eyes at him but nodded.

'What brings you down here? Not that I'm not glad to see you.' She smiled at him.

'Gibbs sent me down for a nap, seems like I'm more tired than I thought I would be.' Abby nodded and set about the room, pulling out the blanket and pillows she kept stashed and setting them out over the futon. Eventually, she made he way back to Tony with a teddy in her hands.

'Here!' She smiled at him, handing it over.

'What's this? I thought Bert was your favourite?' Abby kept a collection of stuffed animals in her apartment, but Bert was always in the lab.

'Oh, he is!' She pointed to the top of the shelves where Bert was perched watching them. 'This is Bert 2.0, and he's a rhino. I got him for you!' She gave him a squeeze, and instead of the expected fart, the noise he heard was sounded like a burp. Abby grabbed his shoulders and turned him around, pushing him towards the now very appealing futon. 'Go on, sleep, before Gibbs comes down to check on you.'

The next week and a half past fairly the same. Eventually, Ziva relented and he began to arrive and leave with her, although soon she'd be the one being relegated to stay at home all the time. Tony would come in, do some paper work, be forced into naps and quick check ups from Ducky, then go home with Ziva. Whenever he came back from the lab, someone had always put bottles of water, apples, sunflower seeds or freaking carrot sticks on his desk for him to eat. He wanted soda, crisps, pizza, but the sores that now lined his mouth thanks to the chemo made everything that tasted anything but bland a danger to eat.

It was half way through his second nap of the day, three days before his second trip to the hospital for chemo, when Abby woke him up in a panic.

'Tony! Tony!' She shook his shoulder. 'Wake up!'

'What- Jesus, Abs, what is it?' Tony sat up, blinking heavy eyes. She handed him some tissue.

'You're having a nose bleed.'

'Oh.' Tony took the tissue, stood up and pressed it against his face. When that tissue was quickly saturated, and then the next, and the next. Abby sat a dizzying Tony down on her stool and rang Gibbs.

'No-Abby don't ring him, it'll stop in a minute, it's fine!' Tony said around the blood and tissue. Abby just shot him a glare and then turned her attention back to the phone.

'Gibbs! Gibbs it's Tony, he's having a nose bleed, like a woah! My entire heads worth of blood is coming out of my head at one time kind of nose bleed and-' She must have been cut off because she went quiet and listened. 'About a minute.' She paused again, before taking his wrist in her hand and pressing her fingers over his pulse. 'A little fast, and he's gone pretty pale.' Another pause, she let go of his wrist. 'Will do.' Abby flipped the phone shut and turned her attention back to Tony, who was now holding another fresh wad of tissue to his nose.

'Abby it's fine!' Tony exclaimed, tilting his head forward and bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

'Gibbs said to give it a few more minutes and if it hasn't stopped I have to ring him and Ducky.' Tony sighed and pressed tighter against the bridge of his nose, hoping to stop it soon. To no avail though, when five minutes later it was still bleeding copious amounts and Abby was getting more and more panicky.

'That's it I'm ringing them!' She turned and picked up her phone before Tony could protest, and really, he didn't want to. His head was spinning, he was nauseous and feeling weak.

'Gibbs!' Abby practically shouted down the phone. 'It hasn't stopped and Tony really doesn't look very well like really not well at all and I'm running out of tissues and-' Gibbs cut her off and a minute later she flipped her phone shut again.

'They're on their way.' Abby murmured, handing Tony another tissue and running her hand down his back comfortingly. Tony had his eyes shut, his fingers clamped down as hard as possible on his bridge, he just nodded his head.

Without really knowing any time had passed, Ducky appeared beside Tony. He took his wrist in his hand like Abby had and measured his pulse. He looked over him and found him pale, hot to the touch.

'How long has it been bleeding, Abigail?' He asked quietly.

'Almost ten minutes.'

'Jethro, we need to get him to a hospital.' Ducky let go of Tony's wrist and moved away so that the others could help him stand.

'No, no hospitals.' Tony murmured, trying to pull away from Gibb's arm helping him to stand.

'No arguments, DiNozzo.' Gibbs replied, he and Abby pulling Tony to his feet and wrapping arms around his waist. Tony wanted to pull away but he felt much too weak to try.

'Boss really I'm-'

'If you say fine, Tony, I'm going to head slap you into next week.' Gibbs growled back as he and Abby helped Tony stumble towards the elevator. Tony just sighed and gave up on the argument, trying to fight off the nausea and light-headedness that was plaguing him.

The ride to the hospital was quick, Ducky sat in the back with him, keeping his head tilted forward and keeping measure on his pulse. Abby kept glancing back at them from the passenger seat, and Gibbs drove like the very idea of a speed limit was a crime. Tony hardly realised though, trying to fight through all of the confusion to really think. What was happening? Had it happened when he was younger? Yes, and they'd done something to help. The private doctor had come in with something, red blood cells, platelets. But he hadn't felt feverish that time, and he hadn't had a headache, and he was pretty sure his breathing hadn't been this shallow.

Reaching the hospital resulted in a flurry of activity and Ducky being as calm as usual, giving them the obs he could obtain without any equipment and the amount of time he'd been bleeding. Tony didn't much care, his breathing was becoming more shallow, he was shaking but too warm at the same time, his headache was getting worse. The nosebleed was the least of his worries.

He felt, rather than saw or intellectually knew, that someone was plugging an IV drip into his Hickman line, and then another into the second port. Trying to listen, he caught words like 'platelet infusion' and 'fever' before someone decided it would be a good idea to pull open his eyes and shine the sun into them. He was more aware than ever then, and he wished to God he wasn't.

'I need full bloods done as soon as possible.' Someone called from beside him. 'Mr. DiNozzo?' The same voice called out. Tony mumbled a reply.

'Mr. DiNozzo, we think you might have an infection, I'm sure you know that it could be very dangerous considering your APL, so for now we're going to give you a painkiller and some sedative so we can monitor you without any interruptions and until we know what's going on, ok?' Tony tried to fight his way out of the haze, someone had already slipped the sedative into his IV, and he was trying to fight it, but he was too weak. He tried to speak, but the now slowing blood flow made it so that he could only spray out little amounts of blood and spittle instead of forming words. The last thing he saw before the sedative took hold of him all together was Ducky leaning over him, telling him it would be fine.

And then it all went dark.


	7. Mixed news and Gibbs

**Gah! Seriously you guys are amazing, the response to this is just.. wow. Seriously, thank you so much! **

**Throwing you some emotions and stuff now, because although we have a little bad news, i think we need a reprieve from all the sad nastiness the past few chapters. Also, for the next few chapters (i might stagger it so it's not every chapter but every 2/3 chapters) we're going to be getting other people's Point Of View(POV) mixed in here. **

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Tony began to wake up when the feeling of a familiar hand pressed against his cheek became apparent. He knew that hand better than he knew almost anything. He'd traced every line, drawn with his finger tips over the palm. He knew that there was a jagged scar down her pinky, that her finger tips were always much colder than the palm, that she always smelt like cinnamon and apples. The last of the sedative in his system let him believe for a little while longer that they were laid in bed on one of the rare weekends off, and she was waking him up with coffee and bagels, because no matter what, work or no work, Ziva got up at 6 am and could never go back to sleep.

'Tony..' She whispered, her mouth breathing warm air along his ear and his neck. 'Tony I know you are awake.' He felt his mouth curve up into a smile and tried to turn over so that he could pull her into his side and lay a kiss against her forehead like she would be expecting him to. Reality came in a shock wave when he actually tried to, he felt the pull of IV's in his chest, the cold sweat covering his body, the way his breathing sounded shallow. Slowly, he flickered his eyes open and looked up into the kind and worried eyes of Ziva, who was reaching out and pressing the nurse call button.

'Ziva.. What-' He broke off when a cough made its way up his chest, making his entire body rattle. Ziva helped him sit up slightly and rubbed his back soothingly until it passed, feeding him little sips of water after she'd helped him back into the pillow.

'What's going on?' Tony managed to get out this time.

'Once they got your nosebleed under control last night they sedated you, Dr. Oliver figured it would be necessary.' She chuckled, giving him a look like she knew he'd been difficult. 'He is coming in soon to give you the results of the blood test they have been doing since we got here.'

Dr. Oliver brushed into the room just as Ziva was finishing talking to him, bringing in nurse Isabelle behind him. When had they moved him to the oncology ward?

'Ah, Tony. I assume Ziva had somewhat explained what has been happening?' Tony nodded. 'Well, we gave you a platelet infusion which stopped the nosebleed pretty quickly once we got it going, which is the good news.' Dr. Oliver stopped and looked like he was considering what he was going to say next.

'Spit it out, doc.' Tony said with a sigh. Ziva reached out and took his hand in hers, squeezing it lightly.

'Well, it would seem as if you have an infection. Your team mates tell me you have been going to work the past week?' Again, Tony nodded. 'Probably wasn't your best idea, you've run yourself down even more than the chemo had managed and made you more susceptible. It should, hopefully be easy enough to treat. It's not too bad and we've caught it early. However, your bloods also show that the chemotherapy you have had, although it was only the first dose, hasn't had the effect we hoped to have seen. Your blasts are higher than ever, which means it's more aggressive and spreading quicker than we thought.' Tony swallowed, tightening his hold on Ziva's hand a little. She smiled tightly down at him, Laying her other hand on his forearm as more support. Before this, he'd thought he'd be better off without her here. Now he realised he wasn't, he was never better off when she wasn't around. He'd learnt that time and time again over the past few years, this time was not any different. He understood that now.

'What does that mean for me now?' Tony turned his attention back to the doctor.

'It means we have to be more aggressive with your treatment. Higher doses, closer together. It means you'll probably have worse side effects, but it's the only way, at the moment, we can combat the progression of the leukemia.' Tony swallowed again and turned his attention to Ziva. He watched her as she watched him. She was being strong, her face kind and compassionate, an emotion she'd only started showing once he'd broken through all of those strong walls she held around herself. Tony glanced down at her ever-expanding bump, and then back up to her face. He could do this, he had to do this, for them.

'How much closer together are we talking here?' Tony asked quietly.

'We'll start your second dose as soon as this infection is gone, so probably a day or two. Which will put us at three weeks anyway. After that we'll half the time, so every week and a half, and hope for the best.' Dr. Oliver said with a tight smile. Tony tried to blink past the overwhelming emotions hitting him at that moment. A week and a half was hardly any recovery time. He'd probably never get out of the hospital between doses. Three weeks had hardly seemed like enough recovery time, and now they were going to up the strength and lower the timing. Sensing his distress, Ziva reached out and put that familiar hand on his face again and waited until he'd taken a deeper breath and looked up at her.

'You can do this.' She whispered to him. 'We can do this. You are strong and you are never alone. I know it will be hard, but you have family behind you every single step of the way without fail. I promise you.' Tony leaned into her hand, turning and pressing a kiss into her palm for a second before turning his attention back to the doctor. Ziva dropped her hand back down to his forearm.

'Whatever you think is best.'

'Isabelle here is going to push some antibiotics through your saline and those should get you on your way to clearing up the infection. We'll check on you every now and then, but press the call button if you need anything, okay?' Tony nodded but turned his attention back to Ziva, only calling out a thanks when Isabelle and Dr. Oliver left the room.

* * *

_**Gibbs' POV:**_

Rule 12 existed for a reason. A very, very good reason. But if he'd expected anyone in this world to break it, it would be DiNozzo. He hadn't, however, predicted it be with Ziva. Sure, they'd had a flirty relationship for years, but he'd always assumed it had been teasing and that they cared for each other like siblings. He'd always assume Tony would end up with one of the other girls at the office, but never Ziva. Until It happened, and then it made perfect sense.

Watching them discreetly through the window of Tony's hospital room as the doctor told them what Ducky had told him earlier, he could see that any doubts about them being together were unfounded. Ziva grounded Tony, gave him something to concentrate on, something to direct all his energy to keeping. She brought out the sides to him that Gibbs rarely saw no matter how many nights he spent in the basement with him. She brought out his protectiveness, his compassion, his intelligence. Whereas Tony brought out sides to Ziva that were always on the surface, but never quite there. She was kinder, more playful, happy when she was around him. They mostly kept it out of the office, so it hadn't been as obvious there. Or maybe he just hadn't been paying attention where he should have been.

Over the past year, Tony and Ziva had had some extraordinarily bad timing. They always brought their news to the team when one of the others was in some kind of personal crisis. Gibbs, however, had never held that against them once he got his head around what they had said and realised it was always good news. The best one had come the night Tony had anxiously made his way into Gibbs' basement, his hands twitching at his sides and his eyes flickering around the room. It had been Kelly's birthday, and he'd been ready to drink himself stupid to try to dull the memories of every birthday he'd watched her have until she wasn't around to have them anymore.

**_Flashback;_**

'_What are you doing here DiNozzo, it's two in the morning?' Tony kept clenching and unclenching his fists by his sides, jiggling his arms in weird motions._

'_It's well, boss.. I just.. Me and Ziva..' Gibbs glanced over to him, taking in the panicked, almost desperate look in his senior field agents eyes. There was also something else there, something close to wonderment. His interest had peaked now, and he turned to lean against the workbench._

'_Spit it out, Tony.' _

'_Ah well… boss. Ziva and I, well we're..' This conversation, in his past experience, ended one of four ways. Either they were splitting up, which he thought unlikely. They were moving in together, which they'd already done, so rule that out. They were getting engaged, possible, but Tony wasn't one to rush into commitment like that, no matter what. Usually. The forth option is that Ziva was pregnant. The look in Tony's eyes had him leaning towards that option. It was a look he'd seen himself once, when Shannon had told him she was pregnant with Kelly. _

'_We're having a baby.' Tony blurted out in one long rush of breath. Gibbs stood and made his way over to Tony, standing about a foot away from him and waiting for him to look up. He knew that he wasn't schooling his facial expressions, which is why he knew DiNozzo would be worried when he looked up. _

'_Gibbs, what's the matter?' Tony asked, Gibbs could see he was bracing himself for a lecture he wasn't going to receive._

'_It's Kelly's birthday today.' He said quietly._

'_Oh god, Gibbs I'm so sorry. I should have remembered.' Tony reached up and slapped his palm to his forehead. 'Really Gibbs, I'm so sorry.' Tony looked like he was about to back away, so Gibbs reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder._

'_It's okay, Tony. Really. That is amazing news. How's Ziva doing?' Tony looked relieved but cautious. _

'_She's worried, but happy I think. She's sleeping at the moment.' Gibbs nodded, taking his hand off his shoulder and moving to the work bench to pour Tony a finger of bourbon into his spare coffee mug and handing it over._

'_You're going to do great, DiNozzo. Congratulations.' _

**_End Flashback._**

Watching them now it was strange to think he'd ever had doubts. He watched as Ziva supported him, counselled him through the big news, helped him come to his senses and stop panicking. The way Tony actually listened to her, accepted her words and willingly submitted to the doctor the first time round. Something both he and Ducky had never succeeded to do. They were good for each other, and right now, he was glad they had each other. Tony might have been like a son to him, the entire team was like a family, but those two were more than that. They were what he and Shannon used to be, and he both envied and pitied that about them, but they needed it right now. They all needed it right now, because they were all finding it hard to stand strong. Even Gibbs himself, master of being unshaken, was finding it hard to accept that he might lose Tony, his son in everything but blood. If Tony fell apart, and Ziva fell apart, then so would everybody else. There would be no going back after that, so for now he would be glad that at least Tony was accepting help and support from one of them, he'd work on getting him pliant to the rest of them later.


	8. Infections and Memories

**Hey :) Once again, thank you all so, so much for the reviews and the support. I couldn't do this without you!**

**This is the longest chapter i've written up to now, and also the most emotionally challenging. A warning for some Senior bashing (by some i mean i went completely wild because i have an unhealthy level of hatred for the kind of man he represents in the show), and some highly emotional Tony sharing his past. **

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Tony's infection lasted a week, five full days after the doctor had said it would. His immune system just hadn't been up to handling the problem, and the night of his admission his fever had spiked dangerously, despite the already administered antibiotics. His breathing grew shallower by the day, his skin took a deathly grey pallor and he was very rarely lucid. When the third day had come and his fever was still too high, despite the ice packs and antibiotics, the doctor had told them that Tony might not be able to take this kind of battering to his immune system for much longer. If it turned into pneumonia, then there was little chance of him fighting back, and then they'd informed them to contact any other family members and to be thinking about saying goodbye if things weren't looking up in the next 12 hours.

Ziva vehemently refused to give up any hope, outwardly, although the others could see her losing it slowly with each day she sat by Tony's bed and talked to him without getting an understandable response. When Tony had started muttering to himself through some kind of fever induced hallucination, she'd finally given in and cried. She'd never been so scared of losing someone, especially not of losing someone like this. It was normal to lose people in the field, expected even, but this was never how Tony was meant to go. Where was his blaze of glory? His legacy? It wasn't right, and she couldn't sit here and watch this, so she'd left and Gibbs had taken over her vigil at his bedside.

It was nine hours into the 12 hour window, Gibbs sat beside Tony's bed and Abby was wiping a cold, wet cloth over his forehead when she finally brought up the issue that had plagued him since the doctor had told them they might have to say goodbye.

'Gibbs..' He sighed and looked up at her.

'Yeah, Abs?'

'Should we, y'know, ring Tony's dad and tell him what's going on? I mean I completely believe that Tony is going to break fever any minute now and probably not hug me for a month for even suggesting it but really, if he..' She took a deep breath and blinked the welling tears in her eyes away. Gibbs stood and crossed to the other side of the bed where she stood, pulling her in for a hug and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

'I'll ring him now.' Abby nodded and the pulled away, going back to wiping the sweat from Tony's face.

The phone call to DiNozzo Sr. went about as well as Gibbs had expected given that Tony's father was a negligent bastard. He'd hardly cared at all, but when Gibbs had started to threaten, dropping his voice into a cold murmur, Senior decided that he'd catch a flight in that night and be there in the morning. Gibbs hadn't told him the full extent of what was happening, just that he was sick and that it was important. It should have been enough to have any father on a plane, but apparently not. Senior sickened him.

Gibbs was pulled from his thoughts when Abby knocked on the glass window between the hallway and Tony's room, her eyes wide, she waved him back in and then scurried back to Tony's bedside.

'What is it? What's wrong?' Gibbs rushed into the room, coming to stand beside Abby. She just put a finger to her lips telling him to shush, and then tilted her head to Tony. His eyes were now open, but unfocused, and clouded with tears. Gibbs recognised the look, it was the look people got when they were reliving something in your past. He'd seen in it Marine's with PTSD. Tony was mumbling, and he leaned in closer to listen.

'Papa, where's mommy?' Tony's voice was tiny, a shadow of what it was like when he was at full health now. He sounded like a child. Gibbs reached out and put a hand against Tony's face.

'Hey, hey Tony, can you hear me?' He leaned in and whispered, making sure he was eyes level with his senior field agent. He got no reply, instead, the childhood memories continued.

'I didn't mean to make her sad papa. Is she coming back?' Gibbs tried to shake him, hands on his shoulders, and still got no response. Suddenly, the tears in Tony's eyes spilled over, his face took on a look of child like horror and he began to twitch and thrash.

'No papa! Please, don't. Papa I'm sorry. I'm sorry!' He cried out, Gibbs was just about to press the call nurse button, Abby was sobbing with a hand covering her mouth, but suddenly Tony just stopped. His body went limp, but his eyes were coming into focus and he blinked heavily. Gibbs reached out and put a hand on his face again, lowering himself so he was eye level with Tony.

'Hey, Tony. You with us?' Tony blinked up at him with confusion clear in his eyes.

'Boss?' Tony managed to whisper, before coughing. Gibbs helped him sit while Abby offered him sips of cool water. Once Tony was settled back into the pillows behind him, Gibbs nodded his head to Abby and then at the nurses station just outside of their door. She nodded and left quickly.

'Boss, what's going on?'

'You've had a fever the past few days, DiNozzo. Looks like it might have finally broken.'

'Is that why everything is damp?' Tony's face twisted in distaste as he ran his Ohio state t-shirt through his fingers. Gibbs let out an amused chuckle just as nurse Isabelle was coming through the door with Abby.

'Ah, Tony! It's good to see you back with us, we'll just do your Obs and see what's going on and then let you get some rest, ok?' She smiled broadly at him, wrapping a BP cuff around his arm and sticking a digital thermometer in his ear.

'Yep, that fevers definitely broke. Down to 98.7. The last time we checked it was 104. So that's wonderful. I'll have the doctor come in and take some bloods soon.' Tony just nodded and let the wave of exhaustion currently washing over him close his eyes, settling back into the pillows. Isabelle finished up, noted everything in Tony's chart and then was pulled aside by Gibbs and Abby just before she left the room.

'He was kind of hallucinating something from his childhood literally seconds before his fever seemed to break. Is that normal?' Nurse Isabelle nodded.

'Sometimes, with fevers that high, they can spike to their highest just before it breaks. Like it's burning out the last of it's fuel. Nothing to worry about.' She smiled at them again and then left the room in order to search for Doctor Oliver. Abby and Gibbs looked at each other, knowing what the other was thinking. What they'd just heard was not 'nothing to worry about', but it would have to wait. They could ask Tony about it later, not that either of them were expecting a straight answer.

* * *

Tony had been both angry and worried about his fathers visit. He hadn't called him when he'd gotten sick for a reason, and he didn't want him here now, but there was nothing to do. He'd gotten on the plane, he had landed, he was on his way here. At least the team, his real family in everything but blood, had turned up and were now trying to keep him occupied and happy until his father arrived.

He still felt crappy, and he wasn't even denying it with an 'I'm fine' like usual. The cough rattled his chest, his breathing could become shallow at any moment and his temperature still needed to come down a little, but, as Abby had put it 'at least he hadn't boiled his brain.' She has such tact, does Abby.

DiNozzo Sr. arrived three hours after he'd told Gibbs he would be there with petty excuses about hotels and not being able to catch a cab. By the time he'd arrived, only Ziva and Gibbs remained waiting with him, playing a game of cards over the bedside table. Senior strolled in, suit jacket slung over one shoulder, with an air of arrogance that made Tony feel ill. He stopped at the foot of his bed and regarded him coolly.

'Anthony, when Gibbs rang it sounded like it was life or death. You don't look that ill to me right now.' His voice was laced with irritation.

'When he rang you, it was.' Tony replied icily. Senior turned his attention to the two people sat by the bed.

'Could I have a second with my son, please?' The irritation in his voice became more apparent, and he looked down at Ziva's bump with distaste. He'd made no secret of his anger that Tony hadn't chosen a nice Italian girl when he'd found out Ziva was pregnant. Both Gibbs and Ziva looked at Tony, who gave them a curt nod, and then went to watch from the hallway. Senior made his way around the bed to stand just beside the chairs they'd been sat in.

'So, what's wrong?' Tony's father showed no other emotion than annoyance, like it was a major hardship to be visiting his sick son in hospital.

'The leukemia is back.' Tony replied tersely. Seniors face darkened and his fists clenched at his side.

'They cured it before, they can do it again. Why was it demanded that I come here?'

'I had an infection they didn't think my immune system could fight off. They thought I wouldn't make it.' Senior took a step closer to Tony, leaning over slightly and putting their faces close together.

'Bullshit, I was rang last night and you're fine now. So cut it, junior.' He hadn't realised that Gibbs and Ziva had moved to stand in the door way when he'd taken the step towards Tony's bed. 'So whatever it is you want, no. You have your trust fund from your grandfather and your mother, surely you can't have spent all of that. Although knowing you, your incompetence would prove me otherwise. Either way, think again if you want _me _to pay your medical bills. You cost me enough money and enough time when you were younger. You even cost me your mother!' Tony looked away, anger and tears clear in his eyes. 'And I will never forgive you for that. So suck it up and deal with it yourself.' Senior stepped back and watched as his son tried to get himself under control with a smug smile on his face.

'I hate you.' Tony whispered, finally looking back up at him. Senior looked taken aback.

'After everything I did for you as a child, you inconsiderate little-'

'Get out.' Ziva was suddenly stood beside Tony's bed, taking his hand and glaring at his father.

'How dare-' He was once again cut off, this time by Gibbs, who was now stood at the end of Tony's bed. His fists were clenched around the railings.

'You heard her, get out. Now.' The elder DiNozzo looked between Gibbs and Ziva with his anger and annoyance clear in his face before he turned on his heel and stalked out without even a backwards glance at Tony.

Tony had his head down, avoiding looking at them.

'How much did you hear?' He whispered.

'Enough.' Gibbs replied, moving to stand beside Ziva. She ran a hand up his arm softly.

'Tony..' She began.

'I don't want to talk about it.' He pulled his arm away and turned over, blinking away his tears and frustration. Undeterred, Ziva moved her hand to his back and resumed her comforting rubbing.

'Tony, this is much too important to ignore.'

'We've been wondering since you were hallucinating last night, DiNozzo. We can't ignore this anymore.' Gibbs finished. Tony sighed and turned over, glancing between the two of them and finding soft determination in their eyes. He took a minute to collect his thoughts, this wouldn't be an easy conversation, and then looked back up at them.

'I was diagnosed with APL when I had just turned 6. I was sick and had bruises coming up everywhere without reason. My mom was the one who called in the doctor and he diagnosed me. She wanted to get me to a hospital to do the treatments and have all the other tests done, but my father insisted I stay home. Something about not needing the extra publicity. Something had been happening at the time, I can't remember what, but he didn't want people to know he had a sick son.' Gibbs and Ziva settled back into their respective chairs. 'He also didn't want them to start with the chemotherapy as treatment, to make sure if I ever had to leave the house, I wouldn't look too sick. I was home schooled at the time, so that wasn't a problem. The doctor relented eventually, with enough money bribes I'm sure, and gave me the arsenic trioxide and ATRA. It wasn't working, I mean they kept going with it for a really long time, over and over without much improvement. It kept me alive, but not healthy. I was 9 when the doctor finally got a conscience and spoke to my father about it. My mom was desperate, she wanted me to get better. But instead my dad just fired the doctor and hired one with more questionable morals.' Gibbs' face was stoic, Ziva was trying for the same, but failing. Tony sighed, sadness welling in his eyes.

'My father made the new doctor keep pushing the trioxide and ATRA, and my mom got really depressed. One day, I was feeling a little better and got out of bed to go and get a drink. I found my mom unconscious in the dining room. She was slumped over the table in her chair, a bottle of something and some pills. I tried to wake her up but..' Tony trailed off, the first tears spilling down his cheeks. Ziva reached out, tears in her own eyes, and grasped his hand. Taking a deep breath, he continued.

'I cried out and the maid came, she had me go back upstairs and I didn't hear a single thing from anyone until my dad came up. You heard the things I said when I was hallucinating because of the fever yesterday. He told me I'd made my mom sad and she was gone now. When I asked if she was coming back, he told me that I'd made the angels take her and we'd never see her again.' Tony let out a choked sob. 'That was the..er..' Tony trailed off again, crying in earnest now but trying to keep the sobs to a minimum. Gibbs reached out and put a hand on Tony's leg over the blanket, his other hand soothing Ziva's back as tears made their way down her face. He knew what was coming, he'd known since he'd heard the terror and pain in his voice during the last moments of the fever, he just needed Tony to say it.

'Tony..' He murmured and watched as DiNozzo took a deep breath.

'That was the first time he'd ever beaten me that badly.' Ziva gasped, Gibbs tried to shut down his emotions but was failing.

'What do you mean, the first time?'

'He started getting drunk a lot after mom died, and whenever he got really angry, no matter how ill I was, he'd take it out on me.' Tony whispered. Ziva muttered something gently in Hebrew under her breath. 'It kept going on until 6 months after I hit puberty, and then he stopped and let the doctor start me on the chemotherapy. It wasn't until years later I realised he'd waited until I'd become fertile. It's the reason Ziva is pregnant right now.' He looked at her with a watery smile. 'I suppose now I can't fault him for it, but he waited because the chance of conceiving later in life after chemo is higher if you're fertile before you start it. There's a 7-10% chance, and he wanted that so there would be sons to carry on the DiNozzo name.' Tony said it with a bitter tinge to his voice. 'He ignored me after that, I went into remission six months later, relapsed once when I was 16 but was healthy by the time I was 17. He sent me to boarding school then, and that was the end of it really.' Tony sighed again, the last of the tears drying on his face. He was exhausted, but he felt lighter, like years of secrets and burdens were now shared out, not just for him to carry. Leaning back into his pillows, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Ziva and Gibbs remained silent and in shock for a while after Tony had drifted into a peaceful sleep. Ziva was still crying, Gibbs had a tenuous control over his emotions. Suddenly he stood and leaned over Tony's bed, pressing a hand gently against his cheek and leaning into his ear.

'You did good, DiNozzo.' He whispered, before turning around and putting a hand on Ziva's shoulder.

'You'll stay with him?'

'Of course.' He leaned down and pressed a kiss against her forehead, before heading out down the hall, hoping to find something to get his anger and sadness out on. Work on the boat maybe, or spend some time with Abby, or find a punching back. Preferably one in the shape of Anthony DiNozzo Senior.


	9. Regression and Ziva

**Once again, i am more than blown away by the level of support you are all giving me, thank you!**

**As is the average with this story - nothing happy will happen in this chapter. However, let us not lose hope, because i have something planned for tomorrow that will hopefully make up for that!**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Tony's old insecurities, ones he'd thought he'd abandoned when he'd let the rest of the team into his hospital room and then shared his worst childhood memories with them, came flooding back once the doctor told him they'd be starting the chemotherapy the next day. He hadn't realised just how much his fathers visit had shaken him, how worthless and useless he felt like this, until that day came around and in a fit of self-doubt and pain, he banished everyone but Gibbs and Ducky from his room once again. And those two only stayed because of their sheer will, determination and logic. All things Tony did not have the strength to fight against right now.

Instead; Abby, Ziva and McGee camped outside of his room, having taken the day off rotation, and waited for news. When Tony realised they were there, just a mere ten minutes before the sickness started, he demanded that the curtains be closed so that they couldn't watch him go through this.

'Tony, they care about you. Don't shut them out like this!' Gibbs was practically pleading, having watched Tony shut down after his fathers visit and the subsequent story. He'd wanted to find Senior and beat him like he'd beaten Tony, but by the time he'd left the hospital to look for him, he'd gone to the airport and hopped on the first airplane he could catch back to New York.

'They can't see me like this.' Tony sighed, closing his eyes and trying to stave off the nausea that was rolling over him. The anti-emetics Isabelle had fed him before hooking up the chemo to his Hickman line was having little to no effect.

'Tony..' Gibbs sighed, he'd known Tony had been plagued with insecurities since he'd joined the team, but until now he'd never realised just how deep they were. 'They're not just gonna up and abandon ya' cause you get sick. No one would do that.' He watched as Tony swallowed and then turned both hurt and angry eyes to him.

'No one would do that, huh?'

'Jesus, DiNozzo, I'm- I didn't mean-' Gibbs was trying to apologise without apologising, usually something he was good at, but suddenly Tony sat up onto his elbows and began to retch. Moving fast, a basin was shoved into his hands as the nausea finally turned into sickness and he tossed everything he'd managed to keep down the past two days. Ducky moved to the other side of the bed to Gibbs, now rubbing soft lines up and down Tony's back, and placed a damp and cold cloth against Tony's neck until the first wave of sickness subsided and he collapsed back into his pillows.

'Get out.' He mumbled under his breath, trying to control the tears welling under his closed eyes. Ducky just pressed his lips together and looked over the bed at Gibbs.

'No.' Gibbs replied lightly. Tony opened his eyes and glared at him weakly.

'Get. Out.' He whispered, his throat sore. Gibbs stood and leaned over Tony, putting them at eye level and close together.

'You listen to me, DiNozzo. We're not going anywhere, same as those three out there. We're a family, and good families stick together no matter what. You're sick, you need help, so we're going to help you. So suck it up and let it happen, because we're not. Going. Anywhere. Do you understand?' Gibbs remained stood over him, watching as Tony's eyes filled with tears again that he tried to blink away furiously.

'I said, do you understand, DiNozzo?' Gibbs had learnt long ago that Tony needed tough love to accept any kind of help. Only recently had he discovered the reason behind why Tony hid and refused to do anything to compromise the tough guy-skirt chasing-joke a minute persona he had going. The reality made him want to kill anyone who'd ever set out to hurt him.

'Understood, boss.' Tony cleared his throat and managed, just to keep the tears at bay. It felt like recently, all he'd done was cry and been weak. He felt a light cuff around the side of his head and looked up to see Gibbs withdrawing his hand and stepping back to sit down, a small smile turning the corners of his mouth. A glance at Ducky showed an almost exact replica of the smile.

'Good.' Was all Gibbs said as he settled back and got back into an earlier discussion with Ducky about the merits of some varnish for a boat.

* * *

_**Ziva's POV;**_

Tony had forced them all to leave once nurse Isabelle had bustled into his room with the pills that would reduce his sickness. She could only watch, helpless and inwardly terrified, as he turned away from them all and closed himself off. In fact, she had been watching it happen since he'd woken up after telling her and Gibbs the secrets of his childhood. She could see it in the determined yet tired set to his jaw, the tightness around his eyes, the tension singing through his body. He was hiding from them all, even her, something he had not done in what seemed like a very long time.

Ziva had grown to love both the fake secure side and the horribly insecure sides to Tony. She loved the way his movie references, the ones she understood anyway, made her chuckle quietly. She loved the way it looked like he was leering at her when she wore something pretty, but his eyes never strayed any further than her mouth. She loved the things he kept hidden from them all, like the fact he was incredible at math, science and surprisingly, computers. Most of all, Ziva loved the way he made her feel. Safe, cared for, loved, cherished, soft, happy. All things she had not felt since her mother died when she was a small child. Her life had been one tragedy after another until NCIS, the team, the family, Tony.

Ziva was pulled from her thoughts when a sharp pain worked its way through her abdomen, making her gasp and sit forward in her chair, her hands running soothingly over her stomach.

'Ziva, you alright?' Abby stopped her pacing and came to kneel in front of her.

'I am fine, it is just these Braxton kicks have become more frequent recently.'

'Hicks, Ziva. They're called Braxton Hicks.' Tim corrected her, leaning onto the arm of the chair and watching her as she settled back and continued to run her hand tenderly over her bump. She gave him a small smile in return.

'Whatever they are called, they are painful.' Tim just nodded and went back to fiddling with his tablet, Abby resumed her pacing. When another pain tore its way through her stomach a little under 6 minutes later, Ziva managed to control the gasp, but her body froze, her breathing sped with the pain. _Just Braxton Hicks, _she thought to herself. Yeah, 7 hours straight of Braxton Hicks. It had to be, she was only 31 weeks pregnant and there was no other signs that this was labour. She couldn't do it yet, not with Tony doing the chemo, not with everything going on right now. She couldn't do this yet, so they were Braxton Hicks, because anything else was unimaginable.

* * *

Eventually, at around half two in the morning, Gibbs emerged from Tony's room with the knowledge that the sickness was at a minimum for the night and Tony was sleeping. It was okay to leave him with only Ducky, for now. He told them all to go home, driving Ziva himself and watching her until she was safe behind the closed doors of the house.

The next four hours were filled with constantly interrupted sleeping and those awful pains at least every 6 minutes. Eventually, at half six in the morning, Ziva gave up on trying to sleep and instead concentrated on getting ready. They had to go to work today, she was going to hopefully get in to see Tony during her lunch hour if he'd let her. She was trying to concentrate on everything but the pains. At least they hadn't increased in either severity or timing, that would have made it harder to ignore the ever-increasing pit of worry growing in her chest.

Showering, dressing and driving took longer than ever, and eventually she reached the office a little before nine. Much to her discontent, the pains got closer together, moving to maybe every four minutes instead of six. It made driving difficult, not impossible, but she had to go slower and concentrate on every little thing. Eventually, she limped into the bullpen, walking becoming increasingly uncomfortable as the pain continued. Of course, Gibbs noticed and stood, making his way to the side of her desk and she sat down.

'Ziver, you okay?' He asked, concern in his eyes as he looked her over. She knew she looked exhausted and pale.

'I am fine, Gibbs.' She replied giving him a tight-lipped smile. He gave her another once over, his eyes narrowing, before nodding and going back to his own desk, keeping an eye on her.

Half an hour passed where Ziva tried very hard to concentrate on anything but the ever-increasing pains in her stomach, but it was becoming harder. There was a downwards pressure that had not been there before, a discomfort adding to the pain. There came a point, however, when even she could not ignore it. No amount of training could ever prepare you for the pains of carrying a child, but even she had never imagined something like this. When the pains in her stomach pressed on her ever two minutes and left her with her eyes closed and her breathing shallow, she knew she had to say something.

'Gibbs..' She managed to whisper, glancing over at his desk. Ziva knew she was not concealing the pain in her face, the tension in her body. He was up and by her side in a second.

'What is it? What's wrong?'

'I do not know.' She whimpered, hardly caring that she sounded so weak and helpless. 'It has been painful since yesterday but it is getting worse, and the discomfort.. Gibbs, something is wrong.' She felt the tears welling in her eyes. Tim had now stood and was watching them, something between shock and worry expressed on his face. Gibbs grasp her hand in one of his and wrapped another around her forearm, helping her stand.

'Come on, we'll get you to the hospital.' He murmured, helping steady her. Standing was a mistake apparently, as Ziva cried out just as soon as she tried to take the first step around her desk. She doubled over in pain, clutching at her swollen abdomen with one hand and clinging to Gibbs' arm for support with the other. The pain was that intense that she didn't realise until it began to recede that a heavy dampness lined her maternity jeans, that the pressure she'd been feeling was heavier, making her want to push. It was a feeling she'd heard about, that they'd talked about in Lamaze classes, but she'd never realised just how much it could affect you.

'No, no, no, no.' She whispered under her breath, the tears spilling down now over her cheeks in hot lines.

'Ziver, what is it?' Gibbs asked, his free hand rubbing circles over her back like he had done for Tony last night during the worst of the sickness. Ziva looked up at him with terror and pain in her eyes.

'It is too soon, it can not be happening yet.' She whimpered, looking down at herself. Gibbs followed her line of sight and his face paled. Reaching into his pocket, Ziva watched as he tossed the keys to McGee and then wrapped an arm around her waist, supporting some of her weight and began to move them around her desk.

'Come on, McGee. You're driving.'


	10. Panic and Beauty

**Hey! I am still, and forever will be, blown away by the response to this story. Seriously, thank you!**

**Here is the chapter i promised you last time, and i'm sorry it took so long to get up. Between starting the new year of college, hospitals and family visits i've been busy. I hope this is enough to have you forgive me.**

**Probably my favourite chapter to write up to date, so i hope you enjoy it too!**

**Also- I'm sorry for inaccuracies in medical protocol and information, i'm using what i've been told from the treatment of people in my life and some extra research. However, i can not claim to be a absolute expert and therefore there will be mistakes. I apologise profusely and thank you for sticking with me despite them! Same goes to spelling and grammar issues, i am not using a beta at the moment, so all mistakes are mine alone.**

**:)**

* * *

'Which hospital is closer right now, McGee?' Gibbs growled from the back seat as he tried to comfort Ziva, panting and sobbing next to him.

'Urm.. Bethesda is ten minutes out if I step on it, George Washington about 20.' Tim replied, glancing in the mirror at them in the back and making his way towards the exit gate for NCIS HQ.

'Head for Bethesda then, quickly.' Gibbs practically shouted at him, turning in his seat to concentrate more on Ziva. She turned pain and tear filled eyes up to him and whimpered.

'It is too soon, something is wrong.'

'Shh, Ziver. We'll get you to the hospital and figure it out, okay? Maybe they're just impatient like their mommy and daddy.' Ziva gave him and thin watery smile before moaning in pain and doubling over, rubbing her hands over her stomach.

'Step on it, McGee.' Gibbs growled.

He stepped on it.

Bethesda hospital staff were used to weird and unusual problems stumbling through their doors, but a pregnant NCIS agent with two male counter-parts, neither of them the father, screeching into the hall way was an unusual sight even for them.

Gibbs grabbed the nearest nurse and began to spout things at her. It reminded him of when Shannon had gone into labour and he'd been so scared all he could focus on was all the logical stats he could offer. Not the emotions, not the pain. Just the logic, the basic science.

'This is Agent Ziva David, 31 weeks. Been in pain for almost 24 hours now, water broke about fifteen minutes ago. Contractions are about two minutes apart. Heart beat is fast and the pain is severe.'

'Sir, as general rule, we don't really do labour here, we're not equipped for it. George Washington is just five minutes down the-' Ziva cried out, clutching at her stomach, tears rolling down her cheeks. Gibbs pulled his attention away from the shocked nurse to help her through the pain.

'We don't have five minutes.' He growled. The nurse stuttered until she could reply.

'Y-yes sir. I'll page our consultant and see what we can do.' She paused and looked around before calling over another nurse who scurried with a wheelchair. Gibbs helped Ziva lower herself into it as she panted and whimpered. 'Jules, take Agent David to room 6 and take initial obs. I'm sure Doctor Kimner will be down soon.' Nurse Jules nodded and then unlocked the brakes on the wheelchair, pushing her smoothly along the white and blue corridor. Gibbs followed along before he paused and turned back to McGee.

'Call Ducky, he's upstairs with Tony. See if there isn't a way to get him down here.' McGee just nodded and pulled his cell phone out, dialling Ducky's number and watching with heavy panic as Gibbs once again took off after Ziva and nurse Jules.

* * *

Tony was dozing between the bouts of sickness that were plaguing him when Ducky's cell let out a high shrill that snapped him away with a moan.

'Sorry, Anthony.' Ducky mumbled before pulling the offending phone open and answering it, leaving Tony with a one-sided conversation to listen to. 'Timothy, what is it?' Pause. 'Oh, dear.' Ducky's face fell as he paused again. 'Well I don't know, Where are you?' Another pause as confusion washed over him.' Downstairs, but Bethesda doesn't treat.. Never mind. I'll try, keep me informed until we figure it out.'

'What is it, Duck?' Tony mumbled, now almost wide awake. Ducky approached his bed and laid a hand on Tony's arm, increasing his panic.

'Anthony, it would seem that Ziva has gone into labour. Timothy and Jethro are with her downstairs.' Tony shot upright, pulling on the lines leading into his Hickman without a care.

'She's what?!' Tony shouted. 'Ducky she's not due for another 9 weeks at least!' The commotion and the shouting had attracted Nurse Isabelle, who hustled into his room looking worried.

'Tony, what's wrong?'

'I need to get out of here. Ziva's gone into labour.' Isabelle's face fell into sympathy.

'Oh, Tony. I'm sorry, but I can't let you leave the hospital. You've not even had this latest dose of chemo working in you for a day and.. I'm sorry, I just can't.' Tony was glaring at her, trying to control his anger and worry when Ducky interrupted.

'Ah, Isabelle?' She turned to face him. 'Anthony wouldn't need to leave the hospital. You see, Gibbs thought it such an emergency that he brought her here to Bethesda as it was closer, she's downstairs right now.' Nurse Isabelle contemplated that for a moment before turning back to Tony.

'I'll go and get Dr. Oliver, but don't get your hopes up. Okay?' Tony nodded jerkily as she turned and hurried out of the room.

'If Ziva has the baby now, how good are the chances, Ducky?' Tony whispered, rocking himself slightly and resisting the urge to just pull out the IV's and leave.

'There are studies and births that show an infant born at just 24 weeks can survive well outside of the mother's womb with some help. It may not be easy, but the situation may not be as dire as it might seem.' Ducky comforted him as Dr. Oliver and Isabelle hurried into his room.

'Tony, Isabelle told me what's going on. I know you're worried, but Bethesda has great staff and I really wouldn't be comfortable with letting you off-' Tony turned eyes filled with new-found determination to the doctor and glared at him.

'If you do not willingly let me out of this room, I will discharge myself and leave anyway. Do you understand me? I will not let her do this without me.' His voice was a low threat.

'Tony..' Dr. Oliver sighed, looking to Ducky for help. To his surprise, he found a similar kind of determination there and knew he was fighting a loosing battle.

'I can let you out for a while, but you take Isabelle with you down there. You come straight back when you can. You stay connected to the IV's and if anything happens you are back as soon as possible. Understood?'

'Understood.' Tony tried to stand, but dizziness swayed him and Ducky had to reach out and steady him by the arm.

'Perhaps a wheelchair, if you wouldn't mind Isabelle?' He asked kindly, setting Tony back down on the edge of his bed. Tony fought down the resulting sickness, promising himself he wouldn't allow himself to be ill at all during this. Not while Ziva was in pain and struggling and everything he loved was possibly in danger. He opened his eyes and let Ducky help him get into the wheelchair when Isabelle brought one in from down the hall, and then she pushed him off in search of the rest of his team.

* * *

The first thing he noticed when he was wheeled into the room was that Ziva was crying. He'd only ever seen Ziva really, heavily crying four times in the entire time he'd known her. Once after Somalia, when she first stepped foot back onto American soil. The second time when Mike Franks had died. The third when she'd found out she was pregnant and the fourth being the last time she'd snuggled up to him in his hospital bed. This would mark the fifth, and he hated it.

'Ziva.' Tony whispered, reaching out and taking her clammy hand in his. Ziva cracked open her eyes and let more tears escape.

'Tony.' She whimpered, before shutting her eyes and crying out again, clutching at her stomach with her free hand and grasping tightly with the one that Tony held.

'What's going on, is everything going okay or..?' Tony trailed off, directing his question at the doctor who was currently attaching electrodes to the inside of Ziva's wrists.

'She's doing fine. We know it's a few weeks early, but Ziva seems fine, the baby seems fine. It won't be long now, it's too late to stop the labour with drugs. She's 9cm dilated and ready to push soon as we tell her she can. ' The doctor went back to doing whatever checks he was doing. Tony stood shakily and Gibbs reached out to steady him at the elbow as he leaned over and planted his lips against Ziva's forehead.

'You hear that, Ziva?' He whispered against her sweaty skin. 'You're doing fine, ninja, just fine. You keep it up, okay?' She opened her eyes a fraction and looked at him under heavy lids.

'Stay. Do not leave me. Stay.' She whimpered, clamping her hand around the one of his she still held.

'Not going anywhere, baby. Not for the world.' Tony mumbled against her skin, pressing his lips lightly down against her head before collapsing back into the chair beside her bed. Gibbs had moved away and was heading back towards the door to join the group gathering outside the window; now consisting of nurse Isabelle, Ducky, McGee and a recently arrived, very flustered, Abby. Tony turned his head to glance at him, worried. _You'll do fine, DiNozzo, _Gibbs mouthed at him before Tony had to pull his attention away as Ziva clamped down harder on his hand, already feeling weak from the illness and medication, and cried out. The doctor was suddenly between her legs, something that irrationally made Tony bristle.

'Alright Ziva, you're there sweetheart. When we get to one, you push as hard as you can. Can you do that for me?' Ziva squeezed her eyes shut.

'Yes.' She managed to choke out, pulling Tony's hand closer to him. The IV's he'd had to bring down with him were attached to a pole on the back of his wheelchair, preventing him of moving too much.

'Alright then, Jules, keep an eye on the stats. Ready, Ziva? Deep breath, three..two…one..' Ziva bore down, pushing as hard as she could and a scream escaped her mouth that made Tony wince.

'Alright, baby's crowning. A few more of those and it'll be over, okay?' Tears were streaming down her face harder now.

'Can not.' She panted. 'Hurts.'

'Yes you can.' Tony whispered, pressing his lips against her hand. 'You are Ziva David, ninja, you can do anything. This is a doddle compared to some of the things you've done.' Ziva cracked her eyes open and glared at him.

'Really? Well you can give birth to the next one then.' Her voice was strained and her eyes squeezed shut again as the start of another contraction ripped its way through her belly.

'Alright, on one again Ziva. Three.. Two..' The doctor never got to one before Ziva cried out, pushing as hard as she could and throwing her head back. Moving her hand from Tony's arm to his t-shirt, narrowly avoiding his Hickman line and pulling him towards her. Luckily, the adrenaline pumping through him prevented the usual onslaught of dizziness and nausea that move would have caused him.

'I have changed my mind.' She muttered around clenched teeth. 'There will not be a next, after this, I will never sleep with you again.' Tony grinned and listened as Gibbs' heavy chuckle and the quite laughs of the rest of the team filtered into the room.

'Doing great. Heads out now, Ziva, just gotta get past the shoulder and then we're home free. Ready? Two… one..' Ziva let go of Tony's shirt and screamed, louder than last time, as she pushed. Tony took possession of her hand again and rubbed it gently.

'You're doing great, Ziva. Okay? I love you, you're doing fantastic.' He murmured as the last push wound down.

'Yes, you are. I need you to take one really deep breath and push really, really hard for me Ziva. Last one, I promise. We get past this last shoulder and it's be almost over.' Ziva nodded, her eyes still closed, and waited the thirty seconds for the next contraction before taking a deep breath and pushing again with everything she had.

'I can not.' She panted heavily, still feeling the need to push, but being over ridden by the pain. 'It hurts!' She cried, clenching Tony's hand again.

'Yes you can, Ziva. You can. Almost there okay, just keep pushing.' She listened to Tony mumbling along to her as she tried her best to keep pushing through the pain. The feeling of the second shoulder slipping out and giving way to the littler, skinner parts of a baby's body was sweet relief. She sagged back, exhausted, as the baby was raised from her. They waited, expecting to hear the shrill cry of a baby, praying they would hear it.

It took six seconds, but it felt like a life time. The six seconds of pure silence as it felt like the room fell away to just watching that tiny little being struggle to take the first breath. They hardly dared to breath as the doctor gently rubbed the child's tiny chest, clearing the airways, warming them up. Six seconds, and then the most glorious sound in the world.

The tiny, tiny baby let out an enormous cry before quieting down. It was like the entire universe took a breath, the world began to turn again, people began to move again, time went back to passing at its normal rate. The doctor and nurse obscured their vision for a moment, clamping and cutting the cord, before they parted and a damp, hot little bundle was placed quickly into Ziva's arms.

'Congratulations, guys, you have a baby girl.' The doctor murmured, watching them as they smiled with joy before the nurse swept in a swooped the little one out of Ziva's arms.

'Hey!' Ziva exclaimed weakly. 'Where are you taking her?' She demanded, trying to rise up onto her elbows.

'It's alright, Ziva.' The doctor reassured her. 'You have afterbirth yet, and we need to check your baby over, make sure everything is okay with her being born this early and get her cleaned up. Won't be long before you have her back, okay?' Ziva eyes him warily as Tony tried to blink back the tears he was holding in his eyes. He'd never seen something as beautiful as that tiny little thing lying in Ziva's arms.

'Okay.' Ziva relented, lying back onto her pillows that were now damp with sweat. Reaching out, she took Tony's hand, and they cried their silent tears together.

* * *

All in all, It was only twenty minutes before their child was back in Ziva's arms. She had been changed into a new gown and swapped to a clean bed, and the baby had been given a soft white baby grow and swaddled in an adorable pink blanket. Exhausted, but elated, Ziva cradled her gently and securely in her arms while Tony looked on. It honestly was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. Made even better by that fact that, despite being born at the tiny weight of 4lbs exactly, she was perfectly healthy. Tony rolled as close to the bed as possible looked over them as intently as he could.

'I want to hold her, but I don't think I'm up to it.' He whispered, keeping his voice down as the baby dozed in her mothers arms. Ziva looked over at him with a gentle smile before transferring the little girl into one arm and using the other to carefully shift herself over in the bed. She patted the free space she'd made for him, like he'd done for her a couple of weeks ago, and Tony slowly climbed up. Careful not to jostle either his or her wires, or the baby. Gently settling in beside her, her reached out and slowly lifted the tiny being out of her arms. Ziva supported her until the baby was tucked safely into the crook of Tony's arm, cradled against his chest. Tears stung his eyes.

'She's so tiny, and so beautiful.' Her wide eyes flitted open slightly at the sound of his voice so close, but closed again a second later. He held her easier than he thought he would have, her weight nothing in his arms despite his weakness. Tony turned his attention to Ziva beside him as soon as his little girls mouth once again slackened into the tiny 'o' she got when she was sleeping.

'I love you, more than you will ever, ever know. I'm so proud of you right now, you did a great job today.' He whispered, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on her mouth.

'I love you too.' She replied tiredly, shifting as he lowered his head to her shoulder so that she could press her cheek against his hair and watch down on them.

'Alexa.' Ziva whispered into Tony's head.

'What?' He asked, not moving, keeping his gaze on his little girl.

'Her name, I like Alexa. I do not want a Hebrew name for her, and Alexa is very American-Italian. Like you. Do you like Alexa?' She moved her head so he could look up at her.

'Alexa..' He rolled it off his tongue before looking back down at the sleeping baby. 'Alexa.. Lexi.. Alexa DiNozzo..' He looked back up at Ziva, smiling. 'I love it.' She leaned in a kissed him lightly before they resumed their earlier positions. Tony looked over Alexa's face, her slightly olive complexion from her mother, the wisps of dark hair from both of them. They were yet to identify whether she got green eyes from her daddy, or chocolate eyes from mommy. Both parents wanted the other for her, but neither of them really minded too much as to which. She was healthy, the closest thing to perfect either of them had ever seen. The most amazing, beautiful, terrifying part of their life now.

'Alexa.' Tony whispered. Carefully, he leant down and pressed a soft kiss against her warm, tiny forehead, leaving his lips against her perfect skin. 'I love you.'


	11. Alterations and Proposals

**There is enough bad going on right now that i'm throwing everyone a life line with another happy chapter. It was unexpected and just written tonight because i needed something to cheer me up. I hope you enjoy it. We'll get back to the icky nitty-gritty parts in the next one, promise.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Tony had been alone in his room upstairs with just his thoughts, a first in a while, for a little over an hour before Gibbs made his way up to see him. He'd been waiting with Ziva and Alexa while the transfer to George Washington was organised. Bethesda just didn't have the trained staff or the facilities to deal with premature babies and exhausted new mothers, and they'd need to be under observation for at least another day. He strolled into his room with a large cup of coffee in his hand and small smile, taking a seat in the recliner closest to Tony's bed.

'You and David make a cute kid, DiNozzo.' Gibbs smirked. Tony chuckled and smiled at him.

'Thanks boss.' Gibbs nodded and then turned more serious.

'So, what'd you call me up here for?' His tone wasn't accusing, just curious. Luckily, Tony could see the other man he'd invited along coming down the hallway in his expensive suit, carrying his briefcase.

'I need you to oversee some paperwork signing for me.' Tony said quietly, nodding to his accountant/lawyer coming through the door. Gibbs looked up and glanced at James Wilks with a confused look in his eyes, he'd met Tony's 'executer of estates' before and hadn't particularly liked the man then.

'What paperwork?' Gibbs turned his attention back to Tony who was struggling to get seated a little more upright. He stood and helped Tony settle back on newly arranged pillows, making sure the new IV's linked up to his chest didn't snag or get tangled. Luckily, Tony had only gotten sick once since Ziva had given birth, and now all he was battling with was persistent dizziness, tiredness and general 'cancer crap' as Abby had called it. Tony waved James further into the room and told him to take a seat on the other side of the bed, next to the rolling table.

'Some things for Lexi and Ziva, and a few changes to my will. Y'know, just incase…' Tony trailed off and glanced again at Gibbs, who swallowed and nodded. James was seated now, and Tony turned his attention to him, holding a shaking hand out for him to take.

'Thanks for coming at such short notice.' James took the outstretched hand, but then looked like he was struggling not to wipe his own on his pant leg once he'd pulled away, instead he just nodded and greeted them both.

'So, Mr. DiNozzo. What can I do for you today?'

'Well, my girlfriend just gave birth about two hours ago.' James murmured his congratulations with a smile. 'So I need to set up a trust find and a college fund for her.'

'Not a problem.' James replied, opening up his folders and taking out an expensive pen.

'I also have some changes to make to my will. I have leukemia and we don't exactly know what's going to happen. I've been meaning to do it for a while, but never got round to it. I guess I'd better get round to it now.'

'Tony..' Gibbs growled quietly, hating the undertone of resignation and defeat in his senior field agents voice. Tony just gave him a small smile and then turned his attention back to James, who was now swallowing and nodding just like Gibbs had done just moments ago.

'Of course, I'm so sorry Mr. DiNozzo. Where do you want to begin?'

'Start with Alexa's trust fund and college fund. I want you to take half of my mothers estate and put it in the trust fund, and half of my grandfathers and put that in the college fund.' James looked up at him, mouth slightly widened with shock.

'Mr DiNozzo. That is a lot of money.' Tony narrowed his eyes at him.

'I know that, Mr Wilks. But I have no use for it other than this, so do it.' James closed his mouth and nodded, jotting down some notes on his legal pad.

'The changes I need to make to my will are a little more complex. I need you to take my fathers name out of everything and make sure he has no legal way to get at anything.' James nodded, knowing a little of how temperamental Tony's relationship with his father was. They'd been casually discussing these changes for a while before this. 'And I need the house here and the house out in New York given to Ziva David.' Gibbs sat up a little straighter. He hadn't known Tony had another house. 'The apartment here goes in Alexa's name, but Ziva has control until Alexa turns 21.'

'Jesus, DiNozzo. Just how many homes do you have?' Gibbs muttered under his breath. Tony chuckled lightly and glanced at him.

'That's all the places of residence, promise.' Tony replied while James wrote down more notes on his legal pad.

'I want what's left of my mothers trust fund given to Ziva David to do with as she pleases.' James' mouth was once again agape, but he nodded and continued to write. Tony laughed to himself, Mr Wilks had not once in his entire dealings with him, known Tony be this generous and decisive about anything. 'What's left of my grandfathers trust fund is still to be split with those we previously discussed. Just make the amendments to include the reduction of the half for Alexa's college fund.' James nodded again.

'And what of your private account, Mr. DiNozzo?' He asked, finally looking up from his notes.

'Donate it. A quarter to the soup kitchen you already have note of. The rest to the Naval College Fund.' Another nod.

'And the vehicles?'

'Put the Ferrari in Ziva's name, she'll get a kick out of how fast it goes.' Tony laughed.

'Tony, when in the hell did you get a Ferrari?!' Gibbs demanded, this entire session had him shell-shocked and he didn't even know how much money was involved here. Tony smirked at him.

'I got it last year when I went out to Salt Lake with the brothers.' Gibbs knew Tony was talking about his frat brothers and smiled back at him, knowing just how rowdy and straight up amusing they were. Tony turned his attention back to James.

'And leave the Mercedes to Alexa, in Ziva's name until she's got her licence. And I mean her real permit, not her provisional.' James smiled slightly and nodded.

'Anything else?'

'No, that's it. Leave everything else as it is.' James jotted down some more notes and then handed his legal pad over to Tony along with his pen.

'I need you to read over these, both of you, and you both need to sign the bottom. I'll get them written up and sent here, so you can both sign the officials and then send them back to me.' Tony hummed his agreement and scribbled his autograph, handing them to Gibbs who gave them a good look through before signing his own name and handing them back to the other side of the bed.

* * *

James had been gone all of five minutes before Gibbs broke and finally asked Tony the question that had been plaguing him.

'How much money do you have exactly, DiNozzo?' His voice was light and curious. He'd always known Tony had money, just not how much. Tony turned slightly and looked over at him.

'About thirty..' Gibbs sighed in relief, $30,000 wasn't even enough to pay Alexa through college, and although she would need it, he was glad it wasn't much more than that. She didn't need to be spoiled. The mischievous glint in Tony's eye, something he missed but would never admit to, stopped his internal monologue dead and he narrowed his eyes at him.

'Thirty what?' Tony chuckled at the now suspicious tone in Gibbs' voice and the look in his eyes.

'Million.' Tony said matter of factly, holding in the laugh that threatened to bubble over as he watched Gibbs stutter and choke a little.

'Holy- Tony how the hell did you get that much money?' Gibbs slumped back in his chair, running his hand over his face and blowing out a loud sigh. Tony shrugged and looked away.

'My mom's family is rich and she left me everything she had in her will when she died. My grandfather on my dads side was too, but he hated what my dad did to me when I was young so he gave everything to me instead.'

'If you have that much money, why do you even contemplate working?' Gibbs chuckled, but quieted down and sat up straight when Tony shot him a glare.

'That is their money, not mine. I only dip into it occasionally. Like when I bought the Ferrari, or the house Ziva and I live in. Mostly I live by my means, on the wage I earn. I like it that way and I love my job. You know me better than that.'

'Yeah, I do.' The unspoken 'I'm sorry' hung in the air between them, acknowledged but not said out loud. Tony nodded and then turned back to face Gibbs who was now looking at him suspiciously again.

'Who does the other half of your grandfathers trust fund go between?' Tony sighed but a tiny grin grew at the corner of his mouth.

'Between you, Ziva, McGee, Abby, Palmer and Ducky. And then an open account with all your names on for team things or emergencies. It should be about a million each, minus any interest it is currently building up.' Gibbs looked at him with a mix of sharp concentration and confusion.

'Tony.. That is a lot of money.. We don't need- really…' Gibbs stuttering twice in one day was a rare experience, a small thing Tony found entertainment in.

'I know you don't need it, I want to give it to you all. It has no where else to go.' Gibbs looked like he wanted to argue back, but clamped it down.

'Is your grandfather giving you your trust fund the reason your dad is broke now?'

'Yep.' Tony's voice was clipped, so Gibbs left it and slumped back into his chair, waiting until Tony spoke up again.

'Urm, Gibbs. There was another reason I called you up here..' Gibbs sat up a little.

'Yeah?'

'Yeah. I need you to go pick something up for me…'

* * *

Once Ziva had taken Alexa and herself home, gotten all cleaned up and changed, she headed over to Bethesda to see Tony. They'd only been in hospital for observation for a day before they were released, Alexa declared as healthy as could be.

Although the hospital was not really the best place to start raising a child, both Tony and Ziva knew it would feature prominently while Tony was sick. Ziva carried the car seat in through Tony's door with Isabelle cooing at her over her shoulder, smiling. Tony sat up straighter and grinned at her as she set the chair down on the recliner, unclipped the straps and lifted little Alexa out, handing her gently over to Tony's waiting arms. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead, breathing in the new milky smell that covered her skin.

'Hey princess.' He murmured against her, before turning to take the kiss Ziva was offering to him. She'd climbed into the space he'd already made next to him on the bed in anticipation of her visit, as was becoming their norm.

'How are you doing?' He murmured, looking down at Alexa.

'We are fine, Alexa is healthy and feeding well. I am still a little sore but it is not undealable.' She answered softly. Tony chuckled at her.

'Unmanageable, Zi. Not undealabel.' Ziva smirked.

'It is not unmanageable then.' Tony smiled at her.

'Good.' Alexa's eyes flickered open, her tiny arms waved around lightly before she settled and took to staring up at her dad with wide eyes instead.

'How come her eyes are blue?' Tony murmured.

'The doctor at George Washington said that they could stay that way until about 9 months and then begin to change.' Tony just nodded.

'Okay.'

They were pretty quiet for a while, Tony watching Alexa as she nestled in his arms, Ziva with her head against Tony's shoulder dozing in comfort. Suddenly, Tony shifted, gathering tiny Alexa easily into one hand and cuddling her against his chest while he reached under the blanket on his left and lifted something out.

'Hey, Zi. Your eyes still closed?'

'Mmm, yeah?' Ziva replied, snuggling into his side. Tony chuckled nervously.

'Good, keep them that way and hold out your hand. Palm up and flat.' Ziva was confused, but complied hesitantly, feeling the slight weight of a small, velvety shape in her hand. 'Okay, open your eyes now.' Tony's voice was nervous, quiet. She opened her eyes and blinked, lifting her head from Tony's shoulder and grasping the box in both hands gently. In the middle of a black velvet box sat the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen. The thin gold band held possibly the biggest ruby she'd ever seen, which sat in a beautiful cluster of what were perhaps the clearest, most wonderfully cut diamonds.

'Tony..' She gasped, glancing between the ring and him quickly. He smiled broadly at her, catching her attention.

'I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. There is not a force on this planet that could keep me from you, Ziva. I promise you. Marry me?' Tony was hesitant, nervous. Something Ziva had come to notice he did when he was insecure or worried. She looked down at Alexa, awake but content in his arms, and then back up at him. Her heart swelled. She was safe, loved, cared for, happy and content. She had a family, and extended, crazy family members. Something she never thought she could have. Gradually, her shocked expression turned into a gentle, beautiful smile that eased some of the tension in Tony.

'Yes.' She whispered, gazing up at him. 'Yes.' Tears pooled in Tony's eyes and he leaned forward and captured her lips with his softly, kissing her tenderly. Without looking, he reached out and plucked the ring from the box and slipped it carefully on the finger of the hand now leaning against his chest.

'I love you. I love you. I love you.' Tony murmured as he pressed butterfly kisses all over her face before coming back to her soft mouth. Sighing contently and snuggling closer to him, she whispered back against his mouth before surrendering to the kiss.

'I love you too.'

* * *

**Two chapters ending on an 'I love you' in a row, don't be expecting a third! Goodnight, loves 3**


	12. Abby, Hair and Surprises

**I am so, so sorry it's taken me more than a week to get this uploaded. College has stolen my muse, along with my will to live and my faith in humanity. **

**I also lied a little bit about getting back into the icky parts. We will, but i'm enjoy the family/Tiva stuff we've got going on at the moment. So give me a chapter or two more and then i promise, i'll work harder.**

**There's a lot happening in this chapter. 3 different time frames. So i'm sorry if it's all crazy. I hope you enjoy it though! :)**

* * *

Worry doesn't even cover what Abby felt for Tony. Ever since they'd found out how ill he was, she'd been slowly driving herself insane with the statistics and the possible variations of what could happen. She had imagined a life without Tony over and over, but it made no sense. It didn't work, everything and everyone fell apart without him. Gibbs would have lost the first member of this make-shift family, Ziva would lose a lover and a partner and the father to their child, Timmy would lose his brother, she would lose her brother and her best friend. Every one of them would lose something, and Tony couldn't even see how much he was worth to them. It killed her that none of them knew how long they had left with him, and yet most of the time he denied them from seeing him. They loved him, she loved him, why couldn't he see that?

Which is why, when Ziva called her close to tears, Abby feared the worst. Her throat constricted, her breathing hitched. Instead, she found out that for some unknown reason, Tony had told Ziva not to bring Alexa and herself along to see him today. That there was -in his words- no point. Once she'd managed to get off the phone with Ziva, when Alexa began to cry, anger and concern swirled through her. Tony was stubborn, scared, hiding the worst from them. Yet he usually only asked them to completely stay away when he was getting new treatment, or in the worst days after the chemotherapy. And why had he only told Ziva not to go see him, why not the rest of them? Eventually, confusion and anger all gelled into one thought - she had to go and see Tony.

The drive over was nerve-wracking, her concentration half on the road and half lingering in the hospital room with Tony. They were lucky he was still being treat at Bethesda and they hadn't moved him off to George Washington. It was closer for them all to reach, they knew the doctors were more trustworthy, there was better security, and Tony had come to both like and trust his own doctor and his nurses. Something Abby hadn't expected him to do. Tony might seem open and friendly most of the time, but the family knew him better. It took a lot to have him trust you, even more for him to begin to show real outward affection. Eventually, she had to pull her mind away from Tony for a minute, after she nearly didn't see a bright red Lexus swerve into the lane. Focusing on the road gave her time to settle, concentrate on anything but what could possibly have gone wrong this time for him to deny Ziva entrance to his room.

Getting into the oncology ward of Bethesda was like finding your way out of a maze designed by Gibbs, but Abby was used to it now. Just like the nurses, especially Isabelle, were used to seeing her in her odd outfits, with her odd makeup and clomping boots coming down the hallway towards them. Abby spotted Isabelle behind the nurses desk and decided to check with her before barging into Tony's room and demanding to know what's going on.

'Hey, Isabelle.' Abby smiled.

'Hi Abby, what can I do for you?' She returned the smile, pausing her typing on the keyboard in front of her to give Abby her attention.

'Has anything happened with Tony today? Has he been sick or had any bad news or anything?' Isabelle gave her a confused look but reached behind her to snag Tony's file to flip through and check.

'Doesn't look like it.' Abby sighed with frustration. 'Why do you ask?' Isabelle questioned, sliding Tony's file back into its slot behind her.

'He called Ziva and told her she and Alexa couldn't visit today.' Abby murmured, turning her attention to the window that showed Tony's room. The curtain was drawn closed and the door pulled shut. Flashing Isabelle what she hoped to be a smile, she stomped off towards his room. Throwing the door revealed Tony and Gibbs laughing at something. Tony looked pale, his face drawn and pinched like he was in pain, but nothing out of the ordinary. There was the usual IV bag connected to his Hickman and monitors attached to him. The precautionary sick basin lay unused next to an unopened pot of red jelly and a pitcher of water. The door swung open and Gibbs and Tony turned their attention to her.

'Abs, what're you doing here?' Tony smiled at her.

'What do you think you're doing, Tony?!' Abby demanded, moving further into the room, pushing the door closed behind her. Tony gave her a confused look.

'What do you mean?' His eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out what she was talking about. Abby put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

'You know what I mean! Calling Ziva like that and telling her that her and Lexi couldn't visit. What's that about Tony? She rang me almost crying trying to find out what's going on!' Tony swallowed and then glanced nervously at Gibbs who was watching Abby impassively. She was now stood at the end of his bed with her arms crossed across her chest.

'Well- Abs, it's nothing bad. It's just, well I had to talk to Gibbs about something important that Ziva can't know about just yet and…' Tony trailed off.

'What do you mean, something she can't know about yet? What's happened?' Abby moved to the side of his bed, standing next to Gibbs and looking more anxious than angry. Tony sighed and looked back at Gibbs.

'If you don't tell her, DiNozzo, she's going to stand there and bug you all day.' Gibbs answered his look with a smirk.

'Tell me what?!' Abby cried, throwing her hands into the air.

'Well, Dr. Oliver says that although it hasn't worked quite as well as we'd hoped, I'm showing signs of getting better so we're going to move onto Consolidation chemo. But that means I get at least two weeks off first. Which means that I can go home for a while.' Abby, momentarily forgetting her anger about the Ziva situation, lurched forward and enveloped him in a gentle hug, being more mindful than usual because of all the wires and needles sticking out of him.

'Tony that is so amazing!' She grinned, pulling back, but not long after her grin turned into a frown again. 'Wait.. Why can't Ziva know about this? You are going home to _her_, right?' Abby demanded, crossing her arms again. Gibbs chuckled under his breath and Tony shot him a look somewhere between annoyance and pleading.

'Well, I wanted it to be a surprise when I turned up home. Plus, I kinda had to have Gibbs come round and help me with something that I have to do while I'm out of the hospital.' Tony was hoping that she'd just leave it there, but Abby being Abby, that obviously wasn't going to happen.

'And what, exactly, is it you have to do while you're out of hospital that Ziva can't know about?' Tony sighed, the look on Abby's face told him that no amount of dodging the question was going to get him out of this.

'Well..' Tony trailed off, trying to find a way to tell her that they'd gotten engaged and only so far told Gibbs. 'Ziva and I are engaged.' Abby's jaw dropped open. ' And while I'm out of the hospital, I want to marry her. We don't know what's going to happen in the future, and we don't know if this will be the only chance we get. Gibbs is helping me arrange it for a weeks time.' Abby stuttered for a moment, her mouth opening and closing with no words coming out before she finally got her thoughts together and once again threw herself at Tony.

'Oh my God! Oh my God! Tony that's amazing.' She planted a kiss on his cheek and hugged him even tighter for a second before pulling back and punching him lightly in the shoulder. Tony faked hurt and rubbed it, pouting.

'Hey! What was that for? I thought you'd be happy!' Abby sighed, hopping up onto the free space at the end of Tony's bed and leaning back lightly on the railings.

'I am happy! That was because you didn't tell me sooner.' She grinned, reaching out a snatching the pot of jelly from the table and spooning some into her mouth. Tony glared at her for a second, but she knew he didn't like the red kind.

'Okay, so, tell me what we're planning for the big day?' Abby grinned.

* * *

Home was comfortable, familiar, warm, and tiring. Tony wanted to help with Alexa, he wanted to get up for her three am feeds, he wanted to get up at five am when she cried and needed a nappy change. He wanted to do all the things other dads complained about, but most of the time he couldn't. His doctor had told him that the next two weeks were going to be difficult, that he'd be exhausted all the time and need to rest. Tony being Tony had been stubborn for the first three days, until Ziva finally made him stop. The fourth night, when he'd tried to follow her to Alexa's crib, she'd practically forced him back to bed at knife point and threatened to tie him there if he didn't behave.

Alexa was a bright point in Tony's life that he'd never expected. Before Ziva, not even with Wendy or Jeanne, had he thought about or wanted children. Ziva changed him, she made him a different, better person. Now she'd given him his daughter, this tiny, beautiful little human being who depended on them for everything. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. The only thing more beautiful that his daughter was watching Ziva with her. Tony had expected her to become more gentle, more opening loving and maternal, and she was. But she was also more ruthless, more determined, more protective. It was mesmerising. Ziva and Alexa were his entire life now. When she cried, it made his heart ache. The first time she smiled as he held her and spoke quiet words to her made him want to hug her to him and keep her there forever. Whenever he had Alexa in his arms, and that was as often as was really acceptable, things were easier. Life was better, brighter. There was no cancer, no hospitals, no treatments. There was no possibility of never seeing her grow up, never seeing her 'firsts'.

All of that imagery came crashing down, however, when on his fifth day out of the hospital, just two days from the date Tony and Gibbs had arranged the surprise wedding for, his hair began to fall out. Tony had been expecting it. He'd even had seen it happening a little when he woke up on a morning and there was loose hairs covering his pillow. This was different though, more real. He had been holding Alexa in one arm, cuddling her into his chest, and had reached up to scratch the crown of his head. Pulling away caused a flurry of his dark hairs to rain down onto his sleeping daughter, and a clump laced in his fingers.

'Ziva..' Tony called out, his voice shaking slightly, as he stood up and brushed some of the hairs on Alexa away, having dropped the clump in his hand. Ziva appeared in the door way, concerned.

'What is wrong?' She asked quietly, moving towards him. Silently, he handed Alexa over to her and made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

'Tony..' Ziva knocked on the door lightly, trying the handle. 'Tony, what is wrong? Are you sick? Should I call Ducky?' There was no answer, and she was considering picking the lock, when she heard the sound of Tony's electrical razor. The only reason she could think of for Tony having that out was that his hair had begun to come out. They had discussed it, what they would do when it happened. The plan had been to deal with it as it came alone, obviously, Tony had decided it all had to go right now. Looking down at Lexi, awake but lazing content in her arms, she could see there was dark hairs clinging to her cream baby grow. Plucking them off as she walked, she put Alexa into her crib and then headed back towards the bathroom.

'Tony, open the door and let me help. You will miss some if you do it by yourself.' There was no reply for a moment, and Ziva became worried again, before Tony opened the door. There were tears in his eyes that he was fighting to hold back and the front parts of his hair were now shaved off.

'Oh, Tony.' Ziva murmured, plucking the razor in his hands away and placing it on the counter beside them before pulling him into a hug. He buried himself against her, his head turned into her neck as the tears made their escape. She ran her hands soothingly through the rest of his hair, coming away with more and more until eventually he pulled away, handed her the razor and then turned around. He gave her his trust completely as she turned the razor back on and began to shave away the remainder of his hair. Stopping every so often to make sure he was okay.

Ziva was just finishing it up, making sure it was all even and clean, and flicked off the razor. Leaving it on the side of the now hair filled sink that Tony was leaning on.

'It is all finished.' She murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind and pressing her cheek against his back. Tony sighed, gripping the point where her hands joined across his stomach with one hand.

'Are you okay?' She murmured into his back. He didn't reply for a while, before taking a deep breath.

'We're getting married in two days.' Ziva froze against his back, he held his breath, waiting for her reaction, worrying he'd done everything wrong. But, when he felt her smile against his back, he knew he hadn't. She loosened her hold on him so he could turn around with her arms still around him. Ziva looked up at him, smiling slightly. Slowly, she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth against his. As usual, he tasted like the toxins that were in the chemo he had been receiving, a taste she was fast becoming used to.

'Good.' Was all she replied, leaving her lips against his mouth.

* * *

Tony had a doctors appointment with Dr. Oliver the next day, and for once, he decided it would be okay to have Ziva come along with him. After everything that had happened the day before, they had climbed into bed with Alexa between them and talked the past few weeks through. They got every pain, worry, annoyance, anger and sadness out and in the open and it was better now. They were hiding nothing, and they would hide nothing again. It was a promise they'd made to themselves and Alexa. Which was why, at half past ten the next morning. Ziva, Tony and Alexa in her push chair were sat in an examination room while Tony had his bloods drawn and waited for a bone marrow aspiration to be done. They were going to check again on his blasts, neutrophils and everything else one more time before consolidation began.

Dr. Oliver came in with Isabelle, who was carrying a needle for drawing blood, a hospital gown and a consent form. Neither of them looked shocked at Tony's now lack of hair.

'Did it start falling out?' Dr Oliver asked, looking slightly sympathetic. At least there wasn't pity there like all the other times bad news had been brought to them.

'Yesterday.' Tony smiled over at Ziva. 'It was actually one of the best things that could have happened.' Dr. Oliver looked at them with confusion, but the more easy-going, obviously loving nature between them was ripe today. Something they hadn't really seen before, so whatever had happened, it was going to be classed as a good thing. Isabelle cooed over Alexa, now awake and alert in her push chair, while Tony and Dr. Oliver talked, but straightened up once he began to explain today's itinerary.

'So, Isabelle here is going to draw your bloods for the CBC and everything. Then we'll get you prepped for the aspiration straight after that.' Tony glanced over at Ziva.

'I'll be out of here tonight, won't I?' Tony asked, his attention now back on the doctor.

'Sure, why do you ask?'

'We're getting married tomorrow.' Tony smiled, glancing once again back at his fiancé. Dr. Oliver grinned at them while Isabelle offered her congratulations.

'Yes, you will certainly be out of here tonight. Congratulations to you both.' Dr. Oliver smiled at them, they both offered their thanks. 'Now, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner you can scat. So, play nice.' Isabelle chuckled as Tony grimaced, she was moving towards him with the needle she was using to draw his blood. For the past few weeks they'd been taking it from his Hickman line, but blood straight from the vein had been deemed better this time.

'Suck it up, DiNozzo.' Isabelle did her best Gibbs imitation, making him chuckle as he winced, she pushed the needle quickly into his arm as he looked away and over as Alexa who was reaching out to Ziva.

'I think she might be getting hungry.' Tony nodded at his daughter, who looked on the verge of tears. Ziva plucked her out of the push chair and rummaged around for a warm bottle, trying to get there before the tantrum started. Tony watched s Ziva averted the crisis, letting Alexa suckle happily on the little bottle at her mouth. Before he knew it, the sharp pinch of a needle being removed drew him away from his preoccupation and back to reality. Isabelle pushed the hospital gown at him and left him to get changed for the bone marrow aspiration. Tony somehow didn't care so much anymore about the procedure, as he watched Alexa began to doze off in Ziva's arm, the bottle dropping out of her mouth.

* * *

Abby arrived in a flurry of 'hello's' and 'hurry ups' just ten minutes after they'd gotten back from the hospital. Tony's iliac crest, the area of the hip they take bone marrow from, had a bone deep ache that made any position he sat in uncomfortable, so he was laid on their sofa with Alexa asleep on his chest.

'Abby, what are you doing here?' Ziva asked as Abby came through the door, heading for their bedroom and throwing some of Ziva's stuff into an overnight bag.

'Didn't Tony tell you? We're staying in a hotel near the place you're getting married for the night. Bad luck to see the bride on the night before the wedding and all that!' Abby grinned, skipping towards the bathroom to gather toothbrushes and toiletries.

'Abby, I do not really think it is appropriate for me to be spending a night away from home.' Ziva called after her. Abby stuck her head out of the bathroom, looking over to where Ziva was stood in the doorway to the living room.

'Gibbs and McGee are coming over here to stay with Tony and help with Alexa. Everything will be fine!' Abby sang, Tony was stood behind Ziva now, cradling Alexa in his arms.

'Oh, Tony! You're all bald now. I'll have to get you a hat, is your head cold?' Abby dropped the now packed bag and skipped over towards him, running her hand over his smooth head. Tony laughed at her, she'd taken his sudden lack of hair in his stride.

'Yeah, it's cold Abs. A hat might be nice.' Tony chuckled, Ziva huffed knowing she had lost the argument about staying home. Instead, she went through the clothes Abby had packed and resorted. Tony seated himself back down in a somewhat comfortable position, trying not to jostle Lexi awake.

'Abby.' Ziva looked up, her expression panicked. 'I do not have a wedding dress.' Abby smirked back at Tony, who was grinning.

'Taken care of, Zi.' Tony called out to her quietly. Ziva popped back into the living room.

'What do you mean, it is taken care of?' Her eyes narrowing.

'He means exactly that, David. Now get a move on, you're spoiling his bachelor party.' Gibbs had appeared behind her, she spun on her heel towards him and McGee, stood in their entryway, smirking at her. Abby grabbed the bag from the floor, gave Tony and Alexa light kisses on the forehead and then skipped out the door, telling Ziva she'd be waiting in the car. Ziva gave an exasperated look to the three men now watching her, before finally giving in and moving to do exactly what Abby had just done.

'I love you.' She whispered to Tony and Alexa, smiling lightly down at them as she shrugged on her jacket.

'We love you to. Say bye bye to mommy.' Tony whispered, raising Alexa's arm, making sure not to wake her, and waving goodbye a little. Ziva made her way towards the exit, but paused and looked back at Gibbs and McGee.

'You look after them. Call me if anything, one tiny little thing, goes wrong. Ok?' She demanded, glaring at them both. McGee swallowed and nodded. Gibbs smirked, walking over and pressing a kiss to a forehead.

'Understood, Ziver.' He turned her by her shoulders and pushed her towards the door. 'Now get.'


	13. In sickness and In health

**I am so sorry it's taken me almost two weeks to get this up! I have no excuse other than a lack of time really, so i am really sorry.**

**This entire, very long chapter is the night before the wedding and the wedding. It's a filler chapter really, so feel free to ignore if it's not what you're here for. Next chapter we're delving into consolidation chemo and all that jazz, promise.**

**Also- I am so sorry about the many, many errors we have here. I post my stories un-beta'd.  
**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

With Ziva and Abby gone off to the hotel for the night, Tony, Gibbs and Tim went about finishing things for the next day. Gibbs made a last minute call to the caterer, McGee went about finding the song Tony wanted for their first dance, and Tony was trying to write his vows whilst feeding Alexa. She was crying, had been unsettled since Ziva had shut the door on her way out, and now she was refusing her bottle and wriggling, crying lightly. Tony abandoned his vows to try and settle her, standing and rocking her, walking back and forth.

'Shh, Lexi. We'll see mommy tomorrow I promise, and she'll look so beautiful we'll all want to cry like you are now. And you'll look beautiful too in the new dress I had uncle Timmy go out and get for you. Shh, come on Lexi.' Instead of settling her, like whispering and rocking usually did, Alexa began to cry louder and Tony sighed, cuddling her further into him and staring down at her trying to figure out what to do. Gibbs appeared next to him about five minutes later, having growled the caterer into submission over some buffet foods.

'Give her to me, Tony. You need to finish those vows and you look exhausted.' With a sigh, Tony handed his daughter off to his boss and slumped back into the chair. He watched as in about a minute flat, Gibbs had soothed Alexa enough to take her bottle and was now sitting in the chair across from him feeding her. Tony just shook his head, trying not to focus on the feeling that maybe he wasn't good enough at being a father and tried to turn his attention back to his vows.

Concentrating hard and not thinking about what he was doing, he reached out and snagged McGee's open bottle of beer from the table in front of him. Gibbs told him not to just as the alcohol slipped into his mouth and Tony spluttered, crying out. The sores in his mouth from all the chemicals and weeks of throwing up protesting the harsh fluid flowing over them.

'Shit! Ow.' Tony cried out, grabbing his own glass of water and trying to sooth his mouth, the burning feeling remaining and making his jaw ache with pain.

'Tony, you okay?' McGee asked, staring at Tony intently.

'I will be, McNosey. It's just the sores, some more water and a pain pill and I'll be fine.' Tony ground out, trying to lighten the mood. He was lying really, he wasn't okay. The pain in his mouth triggered the ever present ache in the back of his head to begin to blossom into something worse.

'If you take one of those pain pills now DiNozzo you'll be out for the count until tomorrow. You'll not get your vows done.' Gibbs said quietly, now cradling a sleeping Alexa in his arms. Tony sighed and dropped his chin to his chest.

'Yeah, I know. I'll take it once I'm finished.' Gibbs nodded and went back to lightly rocking Lexi, settling her further and further into sleep. McGee watched him for another moment before going back to his laptop and sorting out some kind of play list for tomorrow. Sighing again, Tony picked back up the note pad he'd been trying to write on and attempted to concentrate. He'd gotten very little written before the added pain, having the feelings inside was a totally different thing from writing them down on paper, and he doubted he'd get much more done now. It didn't mean he didn't try though, pushing through the pain as much as he could, fighting back the flinch his body threatened every time one of the others put their beer bottle down too firmly on the table or a phone went off. He lasted half an hour, about 16 pages of crumpled up failures at his feet, before Gibbs finally spoke up.

'How much does your head hurt right now, Tony?' Gibbs asked, sounding so much like his doctor that he automatically reverted back to numerical pain scale and answered like he would have to the doctor, truthfully, before he thought about what he was doing.

'8, maybe a 9.' Tony replied without looking up, before realisation clicked into place and he looked up. 'But, erm, I can deal with it until I've got this down. I'm fine boss.' Gibbs sighed, standing and putting Alexa into the bassinet beside his chair before making his way to the kitchen. Tony waiting, pen in hand, perplexed as to what Gibbs was doing. He came back a moment later, a pain pill and a fresh glass of cold water in his hand. Gibbs put them down on the table beside Tony and pointed at them.

'Take the pill and got to sleep. I'll wake you early so you can get those done.' Tony hated that ever since he'd gotten ill, Gibbs had been going way too easy on him and looking at him with goddamn soft eyes that conveyed some kind of mix between sympathy and bossiness. This time, however, he just sighed and conceded. He was in too much pain, the headache quickly verging on migraine. If he got one of those now, he'd be no good tomorrow. He reached out and snagged the pill, swallowing it down with small sips of water that soothed some of the remaining discomfort in his mouth. Standing, and trying not to be obvious about the dizziness that it caused, he made his way over to the bassinet to give Alexa a kiss goodnight and then headed towards his bedroom, stopping only once on his way to talk to Gibbs.

'Wake me up for her feeds during the night?' Tony pointed his chin towards his daughter.

'Sure DiNozzo.' Gibbs replied, a small smirk gracing his mouth. 'Now get to bed, you'll be no good tomorrow otherwise.' Tony was pretty sure he'd not be woken during the night, and that Gibbs would probably use his wicked Gibbs senses to stop Lexi's crying before it even started, therefore preventing Tony from hearing her. He was too tired and in too much pain to argue with him instead making his way towards his bedroom again.

'Great stag night, huh?' He called over his shoulder to McGee and Gibbs, he got a chuckle from them both in reply before he collapsed into his bed and tried to get comfortable before the pain pill pulled him under.

* * *

'Do you think they are alright, Abby?' Ziva asked, lounging back against the headboard of the big hotel bed, wrapped in a fluffy white robe and waiting for her nails to dry. Abby looked up from where she was giving herself her own manicure, having just finished Ziva's for her.

'They're fine, Ziva. Gibbs and McGee are there. They won't let anything happen to them.' Abby grinned at her and Ziva smiled back checking her nails were dry before hopping off the bed and grabbing her cell from the bedside table.

'I think I will ring to say goodnight, anyway.' Abby just nodded, she understood that this was the first time Ziva had been away from her daughter since she'd been born, with Tony being sick, that worry must have been more than two-fold.

'_Ziva, what's up?' _It was Tim who answered Tony's phone.

'Tim? Why do you have Tony's phone, is he okay?' Abby looked up, pausing her inspection of her newly painted nails.

'_He's okay.' _There was some muffled speaking between what sounded like him and Gibbs, before she heard the phone being handed over and Gibbs' gruff voice was on the line instead.

'_Ziva?' _

'Gibbs where is Tony?' Ziva's voice was laced with worry and anxiety.

'_He's okay Ziva, idjut drank some of McGee's beer by accident and managed to start a headache. He's sleeping it off with a pain pill.'_

'Oh.' Ziva sighed, relief flooding through her. 'How is Alexa?'

'_Sleeping now, she started to cry once you left but I managed to get her to eat and then get off. Should be out till her next feed. We got it all covered Ziver, promise.' _She could hear Gibbs' smirk through the phone and she sighed.

'I know I am worrying too much, I just did not know it would be so hard to be away from her even for a night.' Gibbs chuckled.

'_You're a mom now Ziva, better get used to that feeling. Just try to enjoy the rest of your night and I'll have Tony ring you in the morning okay?' _Ziva nodded before remembering that Gibbs was on the phone and couldn't see her.

'Okay, I will try. Give Alexa a kiss for me when she wakes up, I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight.'

'_Will do Ziver, night.' _The phone went dead and she set it back down on the bedside table. She looked over at Abby who was flicking through what looked like a menu of spa treats.

'Everything okay on the home front?' Abby looked up from the leather bound booklet.

'Tony is asleep with a headache but Gibbs says he will be okay tomorrow and Alexa is sleeping. They are fine.' Abby nodded, biting her lip she turned her head back to the booklet again for a second before looking back up at Ziva.

'Hey. Ziva?' Ziva hummed a reply and stopped rummaging through the bag she had brought with her.

'How do you feel about room service?' Abby glanced down again and then back up. 'And a massage?' Ziva chuckled before she replied.

'Perfect.' She grinned, Abby smiled widely back.

* * *

Tony was pacing in front of the set up for the wedding. The chairs were set up, a white arc decorated with flowers before them, all in the gardens of one of the most beautiful homes open to the public in the wider DC area. The sun was out, it was a warm day, but he was cold, shivering almost. McGee was stood leaning against a tree, holding Alexa and watching him with both concern and amusement. He didn't look well, he knew that, but for now he was putting it down to nerves and excitement about the wedding. There was all of half an hour left now and almost everyone was here. Ziva and Abby were in one of the many rooms inside getting ready, Gibbs was waiting inside somewhere for them so he could walk Ziva down the isle.

Tony had managed to write his vows, eventually. Gibbs woke him at 6 in the morning so he could do them and get ready and to the venue on time. Now, all they had to do was wait. He stopped pacing and made his way down the centre of the chairs as he saw Ducky, Vance and his wife and children making their way down towards them. He grinned at Ducky, who shook his hand and gave him a smirk and a wink, muttering in his ear when he lent forward for a quick hug.

'Good luck lad.' He said with a chuckle. Ducky let him go in favour of wandering over to see McGee and Lexi. Tony turned and smiled at the director and his family. Over the past few years, Tony had become more and more acquainted with this family, At first, Vance and he had not gotten along, but eventually that changed. Jackie called him up every so often and had even visited him in hospital a few times. Kayla and Jared were like family to him, and they squeezed him with grins on their faces before rushing off towards the others, cooing over Alexa. Jackie gave him and hug, Vance a handshake, they both shared words of good luck and gave each other one of those looks that people who've been married a while seem to get. Conversations without speaking going on through eye contract. Eventually, they called Kayla and Jared back, and along with Ducky, they took their seats.

Glancing at the clock, Tony realised there was only ten minutes to go until Ziva was supposed to be walking down the pathway towards him. Behind him, the only person he'd been able to find who would provide a non-domination wedding was setting up. With Ziva being Jewish, and he not exactly knowing what faith he followed, if he followed one at all, it had been a hard push to find someone who would do it, but eventually this man had popped up and he'd paid him extra to do it at such a short notice. Tony went back to pacing, much to the amusement to Jackie and Vance who shot him grins whenever he looked their way. Others they worked with and a couple they knew from outside of work turned up with only minutes to spare, getting quick greetings and smiles before they took their seats. Tony was now fidgeting, stood at the head of the isle with McGee holding Alexa next to him. He was shooting glancing between his feet, his daughter and the doors that his soon to be wife would be coming out of any minute. It was during a moment when he was staring intently on his shoes that McGee nudged him lightly.

'Tony.' He whispered, and when he looked up, and the music from the laptop they'd set up earlier began to play. Tony swore, he'd never seen anything more beautiful.

* * *

A knock on the door brought Abby running whilst trying to put on her shoes. She flung the door open to Gibbs, who looked at her with a smirk on his face before stepping around her and into the room.

'Ziva all ready to go?' He asked as Abby closed the door and slipped her last shoe on at the same time. She stood up with a relieved sigh, now finally fully ready and then pointed at the door.

'She's in there taking a few moments, but she's ready.' Abby grinned at him, she'd seen Ziva in her dress, all her makeup and hair done. She was stunning. Gibbs smiled back at her and then knocked on the bathroom door the get Ziva's attention.

'Coming out, Ziver? It's almost time to get this show on the road.' Gibbs stepped back beside Abby as he heard the door unlock and Ziva stepped out. For a second, he was frozen. This was his daughter, and she was possibly the most stunning thing he'd ever seen. Her ivory a-line, sweetheart neckline dress flowed across her body like water. Her hair was in loose, dark curls down her back. Her makeup was light but perfectly applied, leaving her face clear, defined and beautiful. She cradled a bouquet of white and blue flowers in her hands tightly, the blue matching Abby's bridesmaids dress, and the men's ties.

Ziva stood and fidgeted. She'd never been so dressy in her entire life, and it felt a little odd. This entire thing felt a little surreal. She'd only seen the dress once she'd put it on, and had been worried about it until the moment Abby finished lacing the corset back and tied it in an elegant bow. They all worries flew away. Tony had chosen perfectly, the dress was beautiful. Designer and probably cost more money than she even wanted to imagine, even more given that it was probably a rush to get it in her exact size at such short notice. And then there was the fact that Tony knew her exact measurements off by heart. Ziva had blushed when Abby told her that. Now she stood nervously, watching Gibbs as he stared at her dumbstruck. Abby had her hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes as she rushed forward and enveloped her in a hug.

'You look so, so, so beautiful Ziva! Tony's just going to go crazy when he sees you!' She exclaimed, pulling back and then smoothing out any invisible wrinkles in the dress she might have caused by the hug. Ziva smiled at her and then turned her attention back to Gibbs.

'Well, what do you think?' She asked quietly. Gibbs cleared his throat and blinked away the dampness in his eyes before he stepped forward and grasped on of Ziva's hands. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

'You look perfect.' He whispered to her, before pulling her arm through his and taking his place for walking her towards her soon to be husband. 'Ready to do this?' He asked, glancing sideways. Abby was watching them and holding the door open. Ziva grinned and little nervously.

'Ready.' She nodded, and they followed Abby out of the room.

The music began as soon as she stepped foot onto the roll of dark blue carpet that led the way from the door to Tony. Gibbs gripped her arm more tightly as they walked forwards, nerves flooded her while she took the first few steps, but then Tony came into her line of sight. He looked dumbstruck, like someone had taken a mallet and hit him straight between the eyes. He was looking straight at her. The again, so was everyone else, but everything narrowed down to Tony. Stood taller than she'd seen him in a while, hands crossed in front of his body. They walked slowly towards him, the music flowing over her, and suddenly the nerves were gone.

* * *

'She looks beautiful.' McGee whispered to Tony, watching Ziva walked down the isle on Gibbs' arm. All Tony could do was nod. His entire being was focused on Ziva walking slowly, too slowly, towards him. All his nerves were gone, he just wanted her next to him, his hand in hers, their bodies closer to each other, holding her.

Slowly, so so slowly, they finally reached him. Gibbs grinned at him, kissed Ziva on the cheek, and then went to stand beside Abby just off centre. Tony reached out and grabbed Ziva's hand as soon as she was close enough, raising it to his mouth to lay a gentle kiss against her palm.

'You look so beautiful.' He whispered to her, before they both turned their attention to the minister before them.

'We are gathered here today to bear witness to the matrimony between Anthony DiNozzo and Ziva David.' He exclaimed with a smile to them both. Alexa gurgled happily in McGee's arms and the congregation chuckled lightly.

'If anyone has any lawful objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.' Every wedding Tony had ever been to ended up with a moment of tension as those words were uttered, but not a single person had anything to say, and so they continued.

'I am informed you have your own vows?' He asked them and they nodded, the minister smiled and then nodded at Tony to go first. He turned to face her, running a hand over his head and expecting to be able to pull lightly on his hair for composure. It was taking a while to adjust to the new baldness, and so he laughed lightly, and Ziva grinned at him. Eventually, he cleared his throat, and everyone was suddenly very quiet.

'The moment you told me you felt the same way, that you loved me, when I got out of hospital after the explosion. I thought that would be the happiest day of my life.' He smiled at her. 'But then you told me you were having our baby, and that soon took first place.' Ziva grinned back at him. 'Eventually though, even that was taken over. I swear, I have never seen something more beautiful than the moment Alexa finally cried, and then she was placed on your chest. I thought I could have died right there and been a happy man. Nothing will ever beat that, but the day you agreed to marry me comes very close, and now this. God, Zi. You're so beautiful.' He took a deep breath, blinking away tears in his eyes while Ziva let hers fall freely. 'I love you more than I thought possible. I love you more than I love pizza, and knowing that on Sundays you don't go for a run and make pancakes instead, and arguing with McGee and I love you more than movies.' Ziva chuckled at him along with the rest of the crowd. 'I will always love you.' Tony's voice dropped to a whisper, his tears now finally making a break through. 'I will love you through sickness, 'Ziva swallows, a sob escapes more than one person in the crowd. Tony predicts Abby and Jackie. 'And I love you through health, I will love you through better and through worse, and I promise I will even love you after death do we part.' Tony whispered. He reaches a hand sideways and McGee manoeuvres Alexa so he can drop the wedding band into Tony's waiting palm. He turns back towards Ziva, who is now holding her hand out, and slowly, gently, Tony slides the ring into the space on her finger, right above her engagement ring. A gentle nod from the man before them, who looks like even he has tears in his eyes, encourages Ziva to say her vows. Grasping Tony's hand in her own, she takes a deep breath and meets his eyes.

'America is a big, scary, wonderful place. When I first came here, I was terrified. Terrified that I wouldn't be accepted, that I would have to go back. But then I found you, and I was not scared anymore. At first, I did not know why. I did not understand that, that is what love is supposed to do. It makes the hard things easier, and the easy things wondrous. I could not have imagined a better person to meet, a better person to love, a better person to spend the rest of my life with.' 'She takes another deep breath, watching as the tears roll down Tony's cheeks. 'You have given me a family, and safety, and happiness. Security, and confidence and love. All things that, before you, I had not felt in a long time.' Next came the part that Gibbs had helped her with through a phone call early in the morning, she had not understood until she heard Tony's vows. 'I love you more than I love dancing, and I love you more than I love Sunday mornings in bed and making pancakes, I love you more than I love my work, and I love you more than I love beating you at chess.' Another chuckle ripples out from the crowed, they'd all seen the way Ziva had rubbed Tony's face in that after she'd won her 20th game against him. Her voice, much like Tony's, dropped to a whisper for the next part. 'I will love you through sickness.' Ziva whispers determinedly. 'I will love you through health, I will love you through better and through worse, and I promise I will even love you after death do we part.' She concludes, taking a deep breath and plucking the ring Abby is holding out to her from her fingers. Slowly, she slides it onto Tony's waiting hand before they turn back to face the minister who is watching them with an awestruck expression. Eventually, he clears his throat and smiles at them. A few more formalities and they could be declared man and wife.

'Do you, Anthony DiNozzo, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?'

'I do.' He replies, looking over to her.

'Do you, Ziva David, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?'

'I do.' Ziva whispers back, meeting Tony's gaze.

'Well, then. I now declare you man and wife. You may kiss your bride.' He finishes with a grin. Tony turns quickly, gathering Ziva into his arms and pressing a kiss into her rosebud lips like he'd wanted to since he'd watched her walk down that isle. The cheers erupted out from those around them, shouts of congratulations. None of that mattered though, it was drowned out by the firm butterfly kissed being pressed repeatedly against soft, pliant lips.

'I love you.' He murmured to her. 'I love you, I love you.'


	14. Consolidation and Hiding the truth

**So so sorry i took so long getting this written and uploaded. My own illness, one i thought i'd gotten rid of, landed me in hospital and therefore i could post this when i wanted to.**

**Anywho, we skip a bit of the timeline here because consolidation therapy has the same after effects as the chemo i've already written about so we're skipping to results and such. Back to the icky i guess. Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

Consolidation therapy is just like normal chemotherapy, only it's used to keep unhealthy white blood cells, blasts, down as much as they can after the initial chemotherapy and give your immune system the chance to 'reboot'. That does not, however, mean it is any easier to deal with. The few days after the wedding had been blissful, day in and day out with Ziva, who was still on maternity leave, and Alexa. It was easy to forget that soon hospitals and illness and everything bad in their world was about to come crashing back down.

Tony thought he could cope, he was so sure, with having his wife and the rest of their extended family around through the worst of it this time. He was so sure. Until it happened. Once the nausea kicked in, despite anti-emetics, Tony began to panic. At first it had just been hard to look in their eyes when they were around, then he couldn't stand for them to touch him in comfort. Eventually, just five minutes before the sickness really kicked in, he kicked everyone else out. He panicked and he shouted and he got so worked up about it that even Gibbs and Ducky left. He made Abby cry, Ziva whimper and try keep Alexa quiet. Tim just backed away quietly. Everyone left, taking refuge in the hallway behind the window with the closed curtains.

He'd been throwing up for a straight half an hour, snapping horribly at anyone who tried to get into the room, before nurse Isabelle came in and ignored his protests.

'Why is everyone outside, Tony?' She always had a sympathetic face, she was one of the loveliest nurses Tony had, but she had this way of making him feel like a school boy if she thought he was doing wrong. Tony didn't answer her, instead taking to closing his eyes and resting his head back in relief as a break in the throwing up. Isabelle stayed quiet while she took his blood pressure, measured his pulse and his temperature.

'Tony?' He sighed and inched his eyes open to look at her.

'What?' Tony snapped, Isabelle just hardened her eyes at him.

'Why is everyone outside, and why is Abby crying and why is Ziva pacing like a caged animal? Gibbs and Ducky look like they're planning battle tactics and Tim is going crazy constantly getting coffee and food for everyone and-' Isabelle could rant like Abby at the best of times, and Tony noticed she usually only did it when she wanted him to talk about something, so he cut her off before she got any further.

'I don't want them here.' He replied quietly, closing his eyes again.

'And why, exactly, is that?' Isabelle asked, her voice a little softer now that she'd gotten him talking. Tony turned away from her, tears pricked hotly behind his closed eyes and he flinched slightly when she reached out and touched his arm.

'Hey, Tony, if you don't tell me what's wrong then I can't fix it.' Tony chuckled bitterly.

'I'm going to let them down.' Tony stated simply, clenching his eyes shut tighter to stave off the tears.

'What do you mean, you will let them down?' Isabelle's soft voice laced with confusion.

'They're all expecting me to have this consolidation therapy and then everything will get back to normal. But I have this feeling.' Tony turned back towards her and opened his eyes, giving up on the fight against the tears. 'God, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Gibbs has a famous gut instinct and he's trained me to listen to mine. I can feel it, like this is all going to go wrong. I can feel it.' Tony's voice broke and Isabelle sat down in the chair beside him, reaching out and taking his hand between both of hers. This was something she'd seen a couple of times before, not often, but occasionally patients began to fear the results once things were looking up, not wanting to get their hopes up.

'Tony.. Hey ,Tony, look at me.' Tony had closed his eyes again, but he opened them and turned his head to look at her. 'Listen to me, Okay?' Tony nodded. 'I can't promise you anything. I can't tell you that it's all going to be wonderful and you'll recover and nothing will set you back, I can't. I wish I could, really I do. But you can't give up on hope like this. You're looking good right now and that's important, you're going into remission and that's important. Focus on the now, not the when or the ifs. We'll cross those bridges if we ever come to them, okay?' Tony just blinked up at her so she squeezed his hand a little tighter until he squeezed back. 'Okay?' She repeated.

'Okay.' Tony whispered, nodding in reply, giving her hand one more squeeze before she let go and stood up.

'Now, I'm going to let your family into this room and you will not complain because you want them here. Okay?' She repeated the okay like the last question and Tony let out a wet chuckle, once again nodding.

'Okay.'

* * *

Chemo was only two rounds this time, it had been four when he was a kid, before the dreaded and yet highly anticipated bone marrow aspiration, CBC and peripheral smears were done. Words such a 'remission' and 'recovery' and 'healthier' had all been muttered over the past three weeks, and Tony was trying to keep his hopes In check. Still, everyone could tell he was both nervous and exited when, two days after the tests were done, Doctor Oliver and nurse Isabelle came into his room with blank faces. It's what Abby called their 'cop face', and he didn't know what this news would entail. It could be good or it could be bad, or things could just have stayed the same. Tony was just glad that the doctor was here before anyone else, so he could process if it was anything but good news.

'Tony, how are you feeling?' Dr Oliver asked, blank, careful smile turning the corners of his mouth up. Tony let his hopes rise a little. Doctors with bad news didn't smile, did they?

'Fine, I guess. Could be better, could be worse.' Everyone could see how twitchy and anxious he was for these results. He had been all day, and it had been difficult for Isabelle to get him to stay in bed and not pace around the hospital ward like he'd wanted to. Again, Dr Oliver smiled slightly at him.

'That's good, any pain or nausea?' Tony sighed, frustrated.

'The usual, again could be better and could be worse. Did you get my test results back?' Tiny sat up a little higher, wincing as the change in altitudes make his constant headache throb harder. Dr Oliver's smile fell slightly, the corners of his mouth falling more into a slight grimace more than a smile. Isabelle took a step forward as if making a pre-emptive strike to comfort him and his stomach fell. He knew this was going to happen, he'd felt it in the corners of his gut like spoiled milk for the past few weeks.

'What-' Tony coughed against the lump forming in his throat. 'What is it?'

'Your CBC, peripheral and aspiration show that all of our best predictions based on your treatments and responses were wrong. It would seem that remission is going backwards. You're no longer in it. The last time we checked, your blasts were just at 5% which is 15% lower than when we first admitted you, and that meant you were in remission and the consolidation was to ensure that continued while your immune system kick started itself. These though, show different. You're back up to 17% in just a couple of weeks, Tony. It's aggressive, and the chemotherapy isn't working. You're in molecular relapse.' Isabelle was frozen between them, not knowing what Tony wanted. Tony didn't even know what Tony wanted, so that was a good call. Eventually he just looked up at her, his eyes tired and dull, his face blank and careful.

'I told you this would happen.' He spoke dryly, his voice lacking any emotion or signs of distress. Tony wrapped his arms around himself, fell back into his pillows and turned away from them.

* * *

Gibbs figured something had gone wrong when Tony pretended to be asleep when he walked in. He could see the tension in Tony's shoulders, the slight sheen on his cheeks showing slowly drying tears still there. His gut, much like Tony's, had been telling him something was wrong all day but he hadn't been able to put his finger on it. They hadn't had a problem since the first night of consolidation, remission was meant to be a given, so he hadn't thought of it being Tony. He knew now that it couldn't have been anything else, and he had been stupid to ignore it, but knowing he'd get nothing out of Tony right now, Gibbs went in search of Isabelle.

'Isabelle?' Gibbs called, jogging to catch her before she disappeared into the elevator.

'Gibbs?' She replied, turning around and leaning her head to the side, it was a move Tony had picked up from her recently, showing that she was confused as to what he might want.

'Something's happened with Tony, what's going on?' He was trying to hide the thread of worry and fear that was threatening to break into his voice.

'Have you spoken to Tony about anything or is this just one of your gut instincts?' Isabelle gave him a tiny smile, a flicker that he almost missed before her face went blank again.

'He's pretending to be asleep, I know better than to try and get anything out of him right now. So, what's happening? Does he need more chemotherapy or something?' Isabelle sighed and pulled Gibbs out of the elevator doorway, instead leaning against a wall to the side.

'I can't say anything without Tony's permission. You know that?' Gibbs nodded but gave her the glare that usually worked on even the toughest of suspects. Isabelle chuckled dryly. 'Don't give me that glare, I'm not going to leave you hanging. You do need to speak to Tony. Don't let him avoid your questions, but at the same time don't give him any reason to doubt your commitment to him. He needs you now more than ever.' Isabelle was the one giving him a hard look now, and Gibbs swallowed, whatever it was that was going on with Tony was bad. 'Understood?' Isabelle finished, still staring at him. Gibbs nodded and kept staring at her, half wondering whether she was going to elaborate until she pushed his shoulder. 'Go talk to your son, Agent Gibbs.' Again, she was glaring at him, but Gibbs smirked when she called Tony his son and turned, making his way back to Tony's room.

* * *

Tony still had his back to the door, his arms wrapped around himself, the tension was still in his shoulders. He even flinched slightly when Gibbs opened the door to his room.

'Tony?' Gibbs called, making his way towards the bed and settling into the usual seat beside him. Tony continued to ignore him, hoping he would leave or continue thinking he was asleep. Gibbs sighed.

'DiNozzo, I know you're awake.' The worry that Gibbs had been trying so hard to hide found its way into his voice and this time Tony sighed, unwrapping his arms and turning over to face Gibbs.

'What's up boss?' Tony asked, switching from pretending to be asleep to being overly happy in just a second. Gibbs narrowed his eyes, he'd always hated how easily Tony could do that, hide behind something else. Now his smile was too wide, his body language a little bit too open, his eyes trying too hard to find their usual spark. Something that had been missing for weeks now.

'What's going on Tony?' Gibbs asked, leaning forwards and putting a hand on Tony's arm. He pulled away, sitting up on his bed and smiling just a little bit wider. He was hoping that if he pretended enough that everything would be okay and they wouldn't have to find out.

'Nothing, everything is just fine boss.' Tony realised his mistake once the words 'just fine' made it out his mouth. Those were his go to words when everything was falling apart but he didn't want anyone to know.

'Tony..' Gibbs warned, sitting up a little straighter in his chair to watch as the colour Tony had managed to muster flooded out of his face, leaving him pale and sickly. The smile dropped, the corner of his eyes squinted in pain. Tony had lost more weight than Gibbs had noticed before, his cheekbones prominent, his lips were chapped and dry. The circles under his eyes darker than even after Kate died.

'I'm relapsing.' Gibbs had waiting five minutes for Tony to mutter those little words, thinking he was prepared for anything. He was expecting him to need more treatment to keep being better, or need more blood transfusions, or even that he'd gotten an infection. All things easily fixed. He had purposefully not thought of relapse, deciding not to be a catastrophist today. Which turned out to be a big mistake, because he wasn't prepared, and Tony took the silence after those quietly muttered words as some kind of rejection.

'I get it boss, really I do. I wouldn't want to keep dragging my ass back and forth to the hospital to see me just get sick either. Really it's okay if you want to go. Just don't tell Ziva until I see her.' Tony looked away, tears welling in his eyes that he was fighting to contain. His head pounded harder than it had in weeks, his mouth was dry, his heart throbbing in his chest. Tony was scared, he'd never been so scared in his entire life. He was scared of being sick, he was scared of losing Gibbs, he was scared of leaving Ziva and Alexa. Heck, he was even scared of dying. He'd never been scared of dying before.

'DiNozzo!' Gibbs barked, it was the only way he could think to pull Tony away from this line of thought and get him to focus on him. Tony looked up, giving him a small smile, more like a grimace.

'Yeah boss?' Tony whispered.

'Not going anywhere. Just cause you're sick, doesn't mean any of your family are gonna abandon you. I mean your real family okay? Your asshole of a father gets no look in here. Me, Ziva, Abby, Tim, Ducky, Palmer and Alexa. We're going no where. I've told you before and I'll tell you again. We're family, and we don't leave family behind. Got that?' Tony nodded, tears that had welled in his eyes now blinked away as he realised everything he'd forgotten. It was sometimes hard to remember you have family that care when you never had that before.

'Got it.' Tony replied, Gibbs settled back into his chair.

'So, what now? More chemotherapy?' He asked, eyes raking over Tony and once again taking into account all the damage chemo had done the first time. Tony now had no visible hair, eye brows and eyelashes gone, no stubble to be seen as of yet. He was too skinny, too pale, he had sores in his mouth that hurt whenever he ate something. Gibbs wondered if he could even survive through another round of this, but he didn't voice that. He could ask Ducky when they next had a basement chat about the team.

Tony looked away, trying to gather his thoughts. He'd dreaded this question, because he knew he was going to lie, and have to do It convincingly, to everyone he cared about. He'd made his doctor agree to the same.

_**Flashback;**_

'_Tony, being in relapse doesn't mean we can't get you healthy still. It just means we have to start again.' Dr Oliver said, taking the seat beside Tony's bed while Isabelle fussed over his obs chart._

'_So, what, more chemo?' Tony finally asked, blinking away the tears and trying to focus on the facts._

'_Well, not exactly.' Dr Oliver shifted slightly uncomfortably in his chair. 'With APL, usually, once one treatment has been done it's unlikely to work again. Which is why trying chemotherapy again after you had it as a child was unlikely to have the effect we were hoping for. We had to try anyways, but now we're here. You're going to need a bone marrow transplant.' _

'_There's a register for that, right? You can just pluck a giving member of society out of the group and use them?' Tony asked, fiddling with the tube protruding from his chest and hardly daring to hope that maybe they can fix him._

'_A unrelated donator means there is more of a risk. And it can be very hard to find someone who matches from the register.' Tony sighed._

'_There is no one related to me willing to give anything. And what do you mean, risk? Isn't it just like having a blood transfusion?' Tony replied, letting what little hope had slipped in to slip right back away._

'_Not exactly, your body can reject bone marrow from a donor, which can result in graft vs. host disease. That in turn, if severe enough, can lead to liver or kidney failure and a whole other host of issues. Plus, there's always the chance it won't work.' Tony sighed again but didn't reply._

'_We can test your team mates, see if any of those are a close enough match, before we look to the register.' _

'_No!' Tony looked up, alarmed. 'No, we don't tell them about this okay. We don't tell them they could even possibly donate. They don't need that kind of pressure. I won't let them. We just tell them we're trying chemo again.'_

'_Tony, they care about you! They wouldn't think of this as a burden if you told them! Even if we don't, Ducky will figure it out eventually.' Isabelle scolded him, Tony just stared at her._

'_We don't tell them. Understood?' His voice was back in that terrible blankness, like nothing mattered, and he'd wrapped his arms back around himself. Both the doctor and the nurse gave him worried looks, but nodded and made their way out of the room silently, leaving him alone to deal with his decision.'_

_**End Flashback;**_

'Yeah, more chemo or something I guess.' Tony replied, looking over at Gibbs, and this time he must have been convincing enough in his lie because Gibbs nodded and settled back into the chair, already moving on to telling Tony about their latest case.

Tony would deal with this by himself, he knew he could. He just didn't know how yet.


	15. McGee and Orders

**Sorry this took almost two weeks, i lost my muse and had to go in search of inspiration. I don't know how i feel about this, i'm not sure i've got all my mojo back yet, but i hope you like it :)**

* * *

Tim, hacker extraordinaire that he was, kept himself updated on Tony's medical file through Bethesda's database. It's highly illegal, and probably immoral, but so is hacking the Pentagon and he could do that in his sleep for the right reason. Knowing what's going on in Tony's life seems like the right reason to him. Which is why he is the first to know something is totally wrong with the current situation. Even if he didn't have access to the medical notes, he'd have known. Research he'd done when Tony had first told them he was ill gave him enough knowledge to know that more chemotherapy is not really what the doctors would be doing next. Bone marrow transplants were the next option, yet Tony had told them that he was doing more chemotherapy and the everything would be fine, and Tony wouldn't lie about something so important, would he? Yet the more he thought about it, the more it didn't make sense, and one day he cracked and looked deeper into Tony's medical records than usual to find out what the hell was going on. And Tim couldn't figure out for the life of him why Tony would lie about something so goddamn important.

He did, however, figure that Tony had some reason that was logical in his head. So he gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't tell anyone on the team. Instead, he arranged a meeting with Dr. Oliver, in the hopes that he might be able to get something out of him about what was going on.

'Agent McGee, I wasn't expecting you to make an appointment with me. What might I be able to help you with?' Years of observational development meant Tim know that this man had something just under the surface he wanted to tell him.

'Call me Tim, please.' He smiles at him slightly. 'I'm here about Tony's treatment, actually. It's just, I did some research that told me that treatment doesn't usually work a second time on APL patients, but if Tony's having chemotherapy again now it will be the third time. Why not try a different treatment?' Dr. Oliver sighs, and he almost looks relieved.

'Look, Tim. I'm not really supposed to tell you any of this. Tony asked us not to, and we're supposed to respect his wishes, but he's just being stubborn and hurting his chances.' Tim nods at the man to continue, getting increasingly more worried. 'Tony isn't getting more chemotherapy, we're looking for a bone marrow donor for him from the register.'

'I thought unrelated donors were more of a risk, and matches were hard to find out of the general database?' Tim asked, somewhere between worried and angry with Tony.

'It is and they are. We asked about related family, but he said no.' Tim could understand that, there was only his father, and that was not an option. 'Then we asked about your team, and Tony adamantly refused. Isabelle managed to get him to confess that he didn't want you to have to change your lives anymore for him. As I'm sure you know, graft vs. host is a risk with marrow transplants, and matched donors can end up organ donators for kidneys if they fail because of this. That would mean no field work for a federal agent, and he did not want that for any of you.' Tim sighed, his anger draining away to be replaced by a deep kind of sadness that Tony would risk his life just for one of their careers. And that's even if any of them matched, what would it even hurt to get tested?

'Okay, so I can understand that.' Tim replies. 'But surely, just being tested for a match won't cause any risks?'

'No, but Tony didn't want us to even mention it to any of you.'

'Does he have to know?' Dr. Oliver gives Tim a kind of sly smile that makes him happy he asked the question.

'I was hoping you'd say that. Although none of you are related, and therefore the same risks are the same as from unrelated register donors, if one of you were to match and were always close by, then things would be much easier to get underway. So, I'm sure, we could find a way to test you without letting Tony know.' Tim gives a dry chuckle, whenever he'd tried to keep anything from Tony in the past, he'd failed spectacularly, he didn't know how he thought he might get away with it this time, but he had to try anyway.

'Okay, so I'll talk to the team and we can set up appointments right?' Dr. Oliver nods, and Tim gives another smile in return, holding his hand out to shake and giving the doctor a 'thanks' as he headed towards the door.

''Urm, Dr. Oliver?' Tim turned, hand on the handle. 'What about Alexa, is she old enough to even consider or..?' Tim lets the question trail off, pretty sure he already knows the answer.

'She's far too young to donate bone marrow, I'm afraid.' Tim had known that was coming, but it had been worth the question, with another nod, he was out the door and heading back towards the car. His faith in recovery was slightly more hopeful now, all he had to do was get Gibbs and the others to do this without Tony finding out.

* * *

Tony was tired. He was tired of being sick, he was tired of being in hospital, he was tired of hospital food, he was tired of having his blood drawn, he was tired of hiding things from the people he cared about.

Being tired, however, apparently does not mean he can just fall asleep and try to forget about it for a while. Insomnia of the worst kind plagues him, and any sleep he does get is riddled with nightmares of treatment and funerals and people he loves falling apart all because Tony DiNozzo disobeyed a direct order for once in his life and died. But he's trying, really he is, and when one of them walks through the door he smiles and laughs and tries to act like this isn't getting to him in the worst way.

'Tony- Hey, DiNozzo, you listening?' Gibbs is leant forward in his chair, watching his SFA with worried eyes. Tony had forgotten anyone was still in the room with him, resting somewhere between awake and asleep, alive and dead, happy and about to break apart if someone asks the wrong question or looks at him in the wrong way.

'Yeah, boss, listening.' Tony replies eventually, turning his attention back to Gibbs, who he thinks was in the middle of telling him about their latest case. 'What were you saying about the marines wife?' Gibbs narrows his eyes further, leaning forward a little more to inspect Tony closer.

'I finished talking about that ten minutes ago, Tony, I was telling you about how Alexa finally slept the night through last night.' Tony gives him a smile, and a nod of the head to tell him to continue, but Gibbs just keeps looking him over and inspecting him.

'Boss?' Tony finally asks, and his voice is the same calm, collective tenor it's been for the past few weeks, throat dry from the chemicals he's recovering from.

'You have to pull yourself together, DiNozzo.' Gibbs finally says, and he's somewhere between concerned and commanding.

'Don't know what you mean.' Tony replies, looking away to the window on the other side of the room. It's raining outside, cloudy and windy, Tony used to hate this time of year. Now, he doesn't care. There's a lot of things he doesn't care about anymore. Gibbs' hand lands on his arm a moment later, pulling Tony's attention back to his boss, and now he's gone to more concerned that commanding.

'I've seen that look before, Tony. You're giving up. You're not allowed to give up. You fight this, DiNozzo, you hear me?' Tony doesn't reply, instead staring at the hand on his arm, and the feeling of warmth coursing through him that he hasn't really felt since the last time Ziva and Alexa crawled into his bed with him about a week ago. He's trying to focus on it, burn that feeling into his memory, so he can cling to it later. A shake on his arm drags him away from his focus.

'You hear me, DiNozzo. You fight, that's an order.' The warmth's back again, and Tony's trying to revel in it, keep it locked and flowing through his bones so he can keep true to the order he's just been given.

'Hear you boss, fighting.' Tony manages to mumble back, earning him a small smile from Gibbs, and the removal of his hand a moment later as he leans back in his chair.

'So, as I was saying, Ziva came by the bullpen with Alexa this morning looking so much better, excited about how Lexi had slept through the night and hadn't woken till almost 6 that morning. You sure do have a lot of night feeds to make up for, when you get back DiNozzo.' Tony chuckles, a real laugh this time, along with Gibbs.

'I know, strangely, I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.'

'It can't be helped, Tony, but she knows who you are and you'll have plenty of time with her later. Don't sweat it now.' Gibbs reaches into Tony's bedside draw, the pack of cards is kept in there, the ones they play poker with using bits of broken up cardboard from a un-used basin as chips. 'Now, ready for me to beat your lily-white ass at this again?' Gibbs smirks, and Tony smirks back, and for the first time in a week, it doesn't feel all that forced.

* * *

'McGee, we all have reports to write. What's so important that you called us all down here?' Gibbs, along with Abby, Palmer, Ducky and a specially called in Ziva with Alexa asleep in a carry cot, are stood watching him as he sits on the cold autopsy table. Hopping off lightly, he tries to find a way to get through the next ten minutes without anyone freaking out too much.

'It's about Tony. We need to… do something for him.' Everyone's looking at him like he's grown a second head, not understanding.

'Do you mean like a party when he gets home, Timmy? Because really after all the chemo and then coming home even if he goes back into remission he's still going to be feeling pretty bad and I don't think he'll be up for it but it's a really nice idea maybe we should get him-' Abby's rambling, and Tim can see the others telling him silently to stop what he's caused.

'No, Abby, Abs, I didn't mean a party. Not at all. Well, see, you know how Tony told us he was getting more rounds of chemotherapy?' All heads nod at him. 'Well, I know it's not really right, but I've been hacking into the med files to keep up with his treatments without making him talk too much about it and even if I hadn't I would have figured it out eventually. See, cause with APL people don't really respond well a second time, never mind a third, to a treatment and so doctors usually go for another option. So I was really confused until I decided to look deep and then I found something strange in Tony's file so I went to see his doctor-' Gibbs cut him off with a growl.

'Get to it, McGee.' Tim swallows, but nods, knowing he was getting further and further into an Abby-like rant.

'Tony needs a bone-marrow transplant and didn't tell any of us.' He finally blurts out, holding his breath and waiting for the reaction. Everyone's silent until Gibbs turns to Ducky and growls again.

'Did you know about this, as his physician?' Ducky shakes his head, looking forlorn.

'I assure you, Jethro, that I would have let you know if I did.' Gibbs nods and lets out a huff of breath before turning back to Tim.

'So, what can we do? Is there anything we can do?' Tim was expecting more angry and upset outbursts, but it's looking like everyone was waiting for this question because everyone is suddenly looking very determined.

'Well, Dr. Oliver said we can all get tested to see if we match. We're no safer than a register donor, but it'll be a good place to start. Except you, Ziva, you can't donate because of having just had Alexa, but you can keep Tony distracted while we make trips into the hospital to get the testing done.' Ziva nods, before looking down into Alexa's basket, stroking a finger along her cheek.

'Can Alexa donate? She is related to Tony, after all.'

'She's too young, Ziva, I asked Dr. Oliver the same question.' She looks a slight more unenthusiastic, but nods and continues to watch her sleeping daughter, lost in her thoughts.

'So how do we go about it?' Palmer asks, surprising everyone with his lack of stuttering, his complete dedication to helping his friend.

'Tony's doctor has a session set up for us in two days time, we go in for a blood test, it's called a HLA test, and if one of us match, then we donate, and decide what to tell Tony. If we don't, at least we'll know we tried.' Tim replies, everyone is nodding once again, and Gibbs looks like he's about to end this conversation and send everyone to finish their reports when Abby finally talks again.

'Why didn't he tell us?' She whispers, eyes on her boots, ponytails drooping across her face.

'There's a thing, called graft vs. host disease that's a risk with bone marrow transplants. It can lead to kidney failure sometimes, and the donor would be a match. We all know we would willingly give up a body part to save him, right?' Tim stops while everyone murmurs their yes' or once again nods their heads. 'But for a federal agent, an organ donation means no field work ever again.' He stops talking, letting that sink in, wondering whether that will change anyone's decision to get tested. Abby looks up at him, eyes wide, brimming with tears.

'He's such a.. He's such an idiot!' Abby manages to cry before Gibbs pulls her into his side and presses a kiss into her forehead.

'Don't worry Abby, we'll fix him whether he wants it or not. Okay?' She nods into his chest, and Gibbs lets her calm down before letting her go and stepping back.

'I'll clear your time off on Wednesday with Vance, but for now, back to work.' He barks, turning and stepping out of the room through the automatic doors. Everyone shares one of those, half hopeful, half terrified looks that have become common since Tony got ill, before taking off after him, or going about finishing what they'd started before the impromptu meeting. None of them knew if they'd be able to help, but they were family, and damn it if they weren't going to try their hardest. Whether Tony wanted it or not.


	16. Results and Choices

**Guys, i can kind of see in my mind where this is going and i'm pretty sure there's going to be hell to pay from you all if it does, but my muse has somewhat returned and this is what she's throwing at me. This is kind of just a filler chapter for now, but it is important, so give it a bit of a read. I hope you enjoy it, and keep an eye out for any changes in warnings over the next few chapters!**

* * *

Tony knew something was going on when Abby didn't practically hop up beside him in bed as she came into the room. She was tugging on a pony tail and nibbling at her nails as well. All signs that Abby was hiding something important from him, usually something she thought he should know but Gibbs had forbidden her to tell him. He wants to push her down into her computer chair and make her stay until she finally sighs loudly and spills all, but he can't do that right now, she he shoot her his most suspicious look and watches her closely while she takes the seat that is usually Gibbs'.

'What's up Abs?' Tony knows that just coming out with 'I know you're keeping something from me so spill it' wouldn't work, so he's hoping gentle persuasion would. And if it didn't, then he'd get McProbie to spill the beans anyway, no big deal. Hopefully.

'Nothing, caf-pow withdrawals I think. Gibbs has been withholding them recently.' She givers him a small, tentative smile but can hardly meet his eyes.

'Huh, why's he doing that?' He's trying to keep it light, but Abby isn't actually lying from him, just giving him half truths. There's a reason, something she wants to tell him about, and she's never really done this kind of hiding before.

'He, erm, he thinks it's messing with my cognitive functioning and I'm not working to full capacity and then he thinks that that means I'm not getting him his evidence quick enough even though we don't even have a case because Vance is letting everyone..' Abby cuts herself off this time, and Tony knows she's slipped up somewhere with whatever it is she wasn't meant to tell him.

'Abby,' Her tries to catch her attention, chasing her darting eyes around until she finally gives in and looks at him. 'Abs, why don't they have a case? They're on rotation all week. What's Vance doing?' God, he hopes they aren't all loosing their jobs or being put on cold cases, he'd hate himself if that happened. They'd work the same if he hadn't got this stupid illness.

'It's.. well..' Abby glances at her watch and then smiles up at him a little too widely. 'Oh look at the time, I should get going before someone explodes the lab or something!' She hops up from her chair, leaning down quickly to give Tony a kiss on the cheek, but he catches her wrist lightly and stops her.

'Abby, tell me what's going on.'

'I can't, you'll be mad.' Abby whispers back, blinking her wide eyes too quickly.

'Whatever it is, I promise not to be mad okay? You've just me worried.' Abby sighs, leaning down to cuddle Tony, her head buried into his shoulder.

'Tim went snooping and found out about the bone marrow and now the team and me and Ducky and Palmer are getting tested to see if we're a match because we love you and want you to get better. Please don't be mad.' It's muffled by skin and material, but Tony's had years to work out Abby speak when she's upset, and he just sighs, raising a hand to rub a gentle circle over her back.

'Shh, Abby it's okay. I'm not mad, you guys should have told me.' Abby pulls away sharply, a stern expression in place of her nervous one and she reaches out to punch Tony lightly on the arm.

'Hey! What was that for?'

'We should have told you? Mister, you should have told us! We want to help you idiot, what were you thinking?!' Abby demands, crossing her arms across her chest and glaring at him. This time, it's Tony's turn to look sheepish, glancing down at the covers on his bed and picking at the afghan Ziva had brought him yesterday.

'I was thinking I didn't want to worry any of you more. And, do you know what this could mean is the transplant fails.. I could need an organ and being a match means someone would want to donate and that would mean an end to field work.'

'No one cares about field work, Tony, all we care about it you getting better, no matter the cost.' Tony wants to just give in to that, be happy people care and that they're there for him to rely on. But DiNozzo's don't need help, ever. So he has to retaliate.

'I care.' Tony points at himself, finally looking back up at Abby. 'Do you not understand how I would feel, being the reason someone's career was ending?' He wants to shout, but it's hardly coming out as a whisper ripping itself from his dry throat.

'At least you'd be alive.' There's a tremor in Abby's voice, and Tony looks up just in time to see the first tears spill over onto her cheeks, taking her eyeliner with it.

'That's enough.' The voice at the door shocks them both, drawing their attention to Gibbs and Ducky stood just inside the threshold watching them.

'Boss…' Tony begins, but he's stopped by a stern look shot his way.

'I said that's enough DiNozzo. Right now, you don't get to choose. We're doing this, no matter what. So quiet.'

'Gibbs, please..' Another glare, and Tony finally decided that maybe shutting up is a good idea. He doesn't like it, but he does it.

'Gibbs, I'm sorry. I just couldn't not tell him.' Abby blurts out, swiping at the stray tears still on her face.

'I know Abs, he deserved to know anyway.' Gibbs sighed, moving further into the room and pulling her into a quick hug, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He's still reassuring her when Ducky makes his way over to a now pouting Tony, who's looking somewhat like a scolded child.

'Try not to be too hard on them, or yourself, Anthony. We all want to feel like we're helping, no matter what. Abby was right, better a desk job than you not being here with us.' Tony can't be angry at Ducky, it's like one of the worlds biggest impossibilities, so instead he nods and sighs.

'Yeah, I know.' Is all he replies, but it earns him a pat on the arm and a warm smile.

'It's probably time we got going, Jethro, but we'll be back later to see you, Tony. Ziva should be here with your darling daughter any moment now, so do try not to worry too much about anything else but yourself and your family for the time being, okay?' Ducky says about five minutes later, making his way towards the door with Gibbs and Abby following him, just in time to cross paths with Ziva and Alexa.

'Ah, good afternoon, Ziva my dear. Tony here knows all about our secret plans for the afternoon, so don't worry too much if he's a little grumpy.' Ducky gives Ziva a grin, before nodding to them goodbye and leaving with the others.

'Before you say anything, Tony, I am sorry, but we had to do something. We do not want to lose you.' Tony's heart hurts watching the tears welling in her eyes. That had been a rare occurrence before APL bowled into their lives, and he hated that he was the cause of her tears.

'I know, Zi. It's okay, I'm not mad.' That ears him a gentle smile, the one that took him months to earn from her, and she passes over Alexa. On instinct, or something else that Tony can't quite explain, Alexa always turns into him a little like she's cuddling. It's almost the same way that Ziva turns into him when they're sleeping, head buried in his chest, hands gripping at his t-shirt. Alexa's eyes are wide, still blue, and staring up at him as she gurgles happily. He can't help but smile back at her and shuffle them over in the bed so Ziva can climb up next to him as she usually does. Shifting Alexa carefully into one arm, he wraps the other around Ziva's slim shoulders and pulls her closer, pressing a kiss into her dark hair once she lays her head onto his shoulder lightly.

'I would be getting tested too, only it is too soon after having Alexa. I do not understand, but the doctor refuses to do the test.' Tony runs his hand up and down Ziva's arm, letting the pad of his thumb run gently over the scar just on the inside of her elbow. It's the only one she's yet to explain to him.

'You just have to stay healthy for Alexa, Ziva. Don't worry about it.' She turns so that she's looking up at him, her hand moving to his chest, just above Alexa's head, over his heart.

'You have to get healthy for Alexa too, Tony. She needs you too.'

'I know, sweetheart.' Tony murmurs, pressing another kiss to her forehead.

'Promise me you'll fight. Promise you won't leave us.' The tears are back, spilling over this time and the break in Ziva's voice makes a lump form in his throat that he can hardly breath past.

'Promise.' Is all he manages to get out before his own tears become traitorous and spill over. Ziva just nods a few times, a little hysterically, before wiping away at the tears and burying her face into Tony's chest by Alexa's feet.

* * *

Tony had forgotten that test results that can't be rushed make for very impatient family and incredibly long days. 6 days. 6 whole days it took before Doctor Oliver called everyone into Tony's room with 'news'. It's all he'd said when he'd called them all. Every single one of them, forcing Gibbs to make Vance give them another afternoon off. But at least, being called in should mean they had something to discuss, and something to discuss must surely mean a match, right?

Right.

Doctor Oliver's 'Nice to see you all' was met with a series of wary nods and half-hearted hello's, and a gurgle from Alexa who was resting in Tony's arms. So, instead of continuing with the niceties, he dove straight in with the results they were all waiting for.

'Well, as was explained when you all asked about what you had to be a match of, there is seven match points that we like to achieve with donors. Usually though, that can only be achieved with direct blood related family. So, for unrelated donors, we look for those with 6 matches, sometimes 5. It can be rare, but sometimes more than one match in a group will come up. Which, we're actually seeing here.'

'Wait, two matches?' Abby is somewhere between confused and ecstatic.

'Two matches.' Dr. Oliver nods. 'You have one with a 6 point match and one with a 5. Obviously, 6 points would be the better option, but it's good to have other avenues.'

'So, doc, who are these 5 point and 6 point matches you're talking about?' Years of studying Gibbs lets Tony know that the older man is somewhat whishing that he was one of them, because he was starting to feel a little useless in the 'save Tony' crusade.

'Well, the 6 point match is Tim, he's the closest match we've got here.' Tim's somewhere between shell shocked and happy. Finally, something he can do to help other than keeping Tony entertained.

'Not an option, McBoy scout over there will be donating organs before I even need them.' The entire room shoots him a look that's pretty much telling him he's being an idiot again, but he just sighs. 'I'm not ruining anyone's career okay, it's just not going to happen.'

'Tony..' Tim starts to speak, but Tony throws him a glare that lets him know, in no uncertain terms, that it's time to shut up now.

'Who's the 5 point match, doc?'

'Gibbs.' One word, and Tony knows his two positive choices just became no choices at all.

'No.' Is all he says, cutting off whatever Dr. Oliver is about to say.

'Tony, listen..' Gibbs starts, standing to come closer to Tony's bed.

'Boss, no.'

'DiNozzo.' Gibbs growls, and Tony sighs, something he realises he's been doing a lot of recently. 'Tony, either me or Tim are donating, no questions asked. We don't even know if you'll need any kind of organ transplant, and bone marrow won't take us out of action for long. We'll cross any other bridges when we come to them.'

'Boss, please, I know what you're like. You're already considering any and every solution. You're planning for every outcome and I know you. I won't let you do this, risk your jobs for me.'

'You don't get to 'let us' do anything, DiNozzo. Donation is not up for debate. Tim can do it, and if that doesn't work, I'll do it, and then we'll go from there. End of discussion.' And that really is the end of that discussion, because everyone ignores his protests from then, talking and planning over him, making appointments for extra tests to be run, marrow to be collected.

'Fine, fine.' Tony finally mumbles to himself, choosing to focus on his sleeping daughter, rather than everyone in the room until eventually Dr. Oliver, and everyone but Ziva, Gibbs, and himself with Alexa are left in the room.

'Tony, talk o us.' Ziva has a warm hand on his arm, forcing him to look up at them.

'There's nothing to talk about, Ziva, You all made the decisions without me.' That came out slightly more bitter than he intended, but oh well.

'Tony, you promised you would not leave us. This is the next step into keeping that promise, no?' Tony has to give it to her, she has a point, and he did promise, and the thought of leaving Ziva and Alexa behind without him made his heart and his head hurt more than it was worth.

'Yeah, Ziva, I know. You're right, of course you are.' He looks from Alexa, to Ziva, to Gibbs.

'I'm sorry about that, I'm just.. Frustrated I guess.' Tony finally gets out, ignoring the Gibbs rule for apologising.

'It's fine, just don't do it again.' And with the smirk and lighter than usual headslap that goes with that statement, Gibbs had whipped Alexa out of his arms and was throwing him a case file.

'Until you've got something better to do, investigate. Gotta still be sharp if you're coming back any time soon.' Gibbs smirks at him, but it's more to cover the sad smile that's under there somewhere.

'On it, Boss.' And he is, diving into it with everything he has, bantering with Ziva like nothing had changed and they were standing in front of the plasma in the bullpen.

At least for now, things were almost back to normal.


	17. Transplants and Tired

**Bonjour, mon amis. Bone marrow transplants to the rescue! Anywho, i kinda rushed the clean room parts because for serious other than feeling like shit for days, nothing happens there and i didn't want to throw a spanner in the works there. So i waited. This chapter spans maybe 2 weeks altoghether? Not quite sure, but i hope you enjoy it anyway! **

* * *

'Hey Tim, do you think you could come by the house for a while to hang?' It was two days before the transplant was expected to happen, and Tony had been home for a week trying to spend some time with his family and get some actual rest in, but calling Tim and having him over to actually say thank you had been resting on his mind since he'd gotten back.

'_Sure, Tony. You alright?' _

'Yeah McWorry, I'm okay, just wanna hang out for a while.'

'_Oh, okay, I'll be there in about twenty minutes. I'm just getting out of the office now.' _

'Kay, see you soon.' Tony ended the call and settled back into the chair. Ziva and Alexa were with Gibbs and Abby for now, because Tony needed to somehow let Tim know he appreciated what he was doing, without actually coming out and saying thank you. He had a reputation as a petulant, stubborn patient to uphold, thank you very much. It had actually been Ziva's idea to have him over to watch the game and just hang out like they used to before Tony got ill.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the front door opened and Tim stepped through calling his name.

'In the man cave, McGee!' Tony heard him chuckle, they'd dubbed it the man cave once Tony had refurbished this room to have a mini-fridge and a wide screen. It was where they'd watched every match since it had been finished, where he'd told McGee that Ziva was pregnant. It had happy memories, exactly what he wanted for tonight.

'Hey Tony.' Tim smiled, falling into the recliner next to the sofa Tony was sprawled on. 'How's conditioning going?'

Conditioning was the process your body had to undergo before the bone marrow transplant could go ahead. He'd had an extra dose of chemotherapy, which made him feel worse than usual, to get rid of as many cancerous cells as they could. The symptoms this time had been more awful than usual, he couldn't keep a thing down, and they'd finally resorted to inserting a feeding tube. Something he was stuck with now, given that transplant recovery often results in them anyway. Tim had been on medication to stimulate the growth of stem cells in his bone marrow, they'd both been feeling pretty awful for days.

'Doing okay, nausea finally stopped. We're still okay to go for it in two days, if you are?'

'I'm still fine, Tony. I'm gonna go in tomorrow for the first extracting, then again the day after in the morning for the second. You get it in the afternoon, right?' Tony nods at him. 'Well I'll probably see you there then, they said they keep me in for a few hours to make sure everything'll be alright.'

'Alrighty then.' Tony grinned. 'Guess that means no beer for you tonight?' Tim frowns a little at him, before grinning back.

'At least I can eat real food.' He leans over and grabs a slice of the pizza Tony had ordered earlier. 'Must suck, knowing you're going to be stuck in a clean room for like a week, and then in hospital for at least a month after that.' Both their grins had faded now, McGee looked more concerned, Tony just looked kind of blank.

'Doesn't matter. You guys come visit anyway, I can work from the hospital if you need me. I'll be pretty sick apparently but, I guess it's worth it if it works..' Tony trails off, trying not to diminish the tiny flicker of hope he had that this would work.

'Anyway, we don't need to worry 'bout it yet. Game's about to start.' Tim gives him less a grin, more a sympathetic smile, before he settles further into the chair and kicking his feet up.

'Redskins to win.' Tim smirks, holding out a ten dollar bill that Tony throws to the table with a snort.

'Yeah, right.' He'd never been a fan of that team, but the bet made things easier, and they settled into their old banter and game talk.

* * *

Clean rooms suck. They're empty and quiet and sterile and everything that Tony really isn't. He can't kiss Ziva in here, he can't hold Alexa, he can't play cards to pass the time. The only upside is that everyone has to wear gowns and masks, because the chemo and the immunosuppressant's meant he could get an infection really easy, and Gibbs looked hilarious in those paper gown things. He could see Tim in a comfy looking chair outside his room, drinking from a bottle of orange juice and laughing with Abby. He looked a little pale, but his short visit into Tony's room meant he could tell him he was okay, that he hoped this worked for him, that he was glad he could help.

Isabelle and Dr Oliver bustled into his room in all their sterile clothing, but the curve under her paper mask showed Tony she was giving him a rather over-enthusiastic grin. The one she usually gave him just before a strong dose of chemo. DR Oliver was just hanging back and watching Isabelle do her thing, he had told Tony he wasn't very good at the relaxing a patient thing, and Tony had laughed at that.

'I hate it when you grin at me like that.' Tony grouches, but he's got a small smile of his own. The rest of the team are pressed up against the windows of his room, Vance had given everyone the weekend off. Gibbs was sat beside him eyeing up the IV bag of bone marrow Isabelle had on a tray that was now set on his bedside table.

'I know.' Isabelle's smile fades into something more realistic and Tony relaxes a little. 'You all ready for the magic potion?' She waves the bag around a little before hanging it from the IV pole beside him, connecting up the tube at the end to his central line.

'Like you're even giving me a choice.' Tony rolls his eyes at her as she adjusts the amount that is flowing into him, beginning the fall of a thick, dark fluid through the tube. Tony eyes is warily, it looks gross.

'It'll take about two hours to finish, and then an hour after that we'll give you a blood transfusion to keep your reds up. Dr Oliver, Nurse Jenna and I will be in every so often to check on you, but press the buzzer if you need anything, alright?' Tony nods, and then Gibbs nods. The medical professional leave the room, only to be bombarded with muffled questions from Abby that make Gibbs chuckle. Tony just sighs.

'What's up?' Gibbs leans forward a little, resting his elbows on his knees.

'All the fuss over this and it's so anti-climatic.' Tony huffs.

'You'd rather there be fireworks or a bad movie montage go on while it happens or something?' Gibbs asks, one eyebrow raised in question.

'Well..no.' Tony laughs. 'Just, everything's kind of resting on this and it's just like it whenever I get an IV put in just with a clean room. More boring version of everyday life now, y'know?'

'It'll be fine Tony. Few months, things'll look up. You'll be fine, just get used to having nothing to do for a while.'

'I'm bored, I want to go back to work.' Tony whines, looking over at his smiling team outside of the room, still conversing with Isabelle.

'Yeah, I'm sure you'd be great with a gun right now, DiNozzo.' Gibbs snorts.

'Hey! Soon as I'm outta here, I bet you $20 I hit dead centres on everything at the range.'

'I'll take that bet.' Gibbs chuckles again, letting his gaze follow Tony's out to the others on the outside of the glass. 'They miss you, at work. Especially with Ziva out for another three months at least.'

'I miss working, so does Ziva. Guess she'll be back long before I am though, and that's if I ever…' Gibbs shoots him a look that tells him to not take that sentence any further.

'I'll get Ducky to put a pack of cards under some radiation tomorrow so I can beat you some more while we're here.' Gibbs changes the subject quickly, pulling Tony away from his thoughts. He knew it wasn't healthy to think that way, but watching those healthy, thriving people out there was making him assess himself deeper.

'Thanks boss.' Tony replied with a sigh, settling deeper into the pillow. Gibbs knows he's not just thanking him for the cards, but he lets it go. No need to worry about it now.

* * *

Tony thought clean rooms were boring, but at least he'd had the others in their funny paper gowns and masks to laugh at. Now, he was in a private room, no TV, limited visitors thanks to a case, and he felt so weak he could hardly raise his hand to get a drink. His immune system was gradually rebuilding itself, a week after the transplant, but it would take 15-30 days before the transplant would take effect, and that meant he wouldn't be getting out of these four walls any time soon.

He hadn't tasted real food in over two weeks, he hadn't gotten out of bed for a week other than the wheelchair he'd convinced the nurses to use to get him to the bathroom instead of inserting a catheter. He was getting frequent blood transfusions, and blood tests, and in another 9 days he was due for a scan to see if things were working the way they were supposed to, but until then, nothing was happening. The knock on his door startled him.

'Tony?' A head popped through the door and Tony grinned.

'Brad! What're you doing here?' Dr Pitt came further into the room, perching in the chair that Gibbs usually took and flicked through Tony's bedside file.

'Flew back in from a extended vacation to find out you're holed up in here. Thought I'd drop in and visit.'

'Ah man, vacations are nice for some. It's good to see you, I think I'm close to going crazy if I don't get some entertainment in here.' Brad chuckles at him, before double checking something in his chart.

'I'll ring Abby and have her bring you your laptop and some DVD's. And you can introduce your beautiful wife and daughter to me If I'm around when they get here.'

'Sure.' Tony nods with a smile, before frowning at the small frown appearing on Brad's face. 'What's up, doc?'

'It's just.. Your liver function tests are a bit.. Different than I expected. And your temps a little high too. You feeling any more nausea than normal?' Brad finally looks up from the chart.

'Urm, I don't really know. Nausea is like a constant thing now. What do you thinks wrong, I got an infection?'

'I don't know. Yet. Pass me your hands a moment?' Tony holds out his shaky hands for Dr Pitt to look at. He shakes his head minutely. 'Gonna check your feet too, okay?' Tony gives him a little nod, getting increasingly worried. The cool air that hits his feet makes him shiver, Dr. Pitt gives another tiny shake. 'Just your shoulders now.'

'Kay.' Is all Tony says as Brad moves around his bed and helps him sit forward so he can pull his t-shirt aside and check his shoulders.

'ah.' Is all Tony hears.

'Ah? What's that mean?' The worry is seeping into Tony's tired voice.

'You got a bit of a rash here.'

'A rash, what do you mean?' Tony twists to look up at Brad who's still hovering over his shoulder.

'It can be a sign of a few things, but I'm sure it's just from sitting still too long. I'll go have Dr. Oliver check you over and maybe run some new bloods. Okay?' Tony doesn't have chance to reply, because Brad's already almost out of the door. Instead he sinks back again into the pillows and runs a hand over his slightly sweaty face. It's the first time he's noticed any sign of the temperature Brad was talking about, and his panic begins to increase in tiny increments.

Brad, Dr Oliver, and Isabelle came back into his room about five minutes later. Isabelle was carrying what he'd come to dub her 'vampire kit', ready to draw more blood from him. Dr Oliver was moving towards his shoulders and asking for permission to take a look at the rash.

'Sure.' Tony doesn't look at Doctor Oliver as he pulls aside his shirt, instead focusing on the way Brad is looking more worried than he'd seen him since the plague.

'Yes, I see what you mean Dr Pitt.' Dr Oliver pushes Tony's shirt back into place and then waves Isabelle forward.

'We'll get some bloods done Tony and see what's going on. We should have realised the changes earlier, I'm sorry.'

'Sorry for what.. What's going on?' Tony demanded weakly.

'Your showing a few symptoms of graft vs. host. It could not be, might just be a minor infection, but even those we need to be careful of. We'll know more after the tests.'

'Oh.'

'Tony..' Brad begins, but Tony cuts him off once Isabelle slides the needle into the bend in his arm.

'Does this mean the transplant's rejecting, it won't help?' Tony voice sounds tiny and empty.

'We don't know what it is yet, Tony. But not really. The transplant could still work on the leukemia, but you'd have to fight an infection or graft vs. host on top of it.'

'Fight them both.. At once?' Tony gives out a dry, chuckle. 'I'd like to see you try that.'

'You're strong enough, Tony.' Brad has a hand on his ankle. 'You fought the plague, you fight the bad guys, you've beaten cancer once before. You can do this too.' Tony doesn't say anything, he doesn't even say anything when the other doctor and nurse leave, promising him a rush on his results. He doesn't say anything until Ziva walks through the door with Gibbs and Alexa.

'Zi..' he manages to choke out before the tears that have been threatening for the past half an hour finally spill over and she rushes forward to pull him into a gentle hug. He can hear Gibbs talk to Brad in the background, and the sound of Alexa gurgling from his arms, but it doesn't matter. He's too tired to care, he's too tired to fight. He's just so.. tired.


	18. Movies and Mycoplasma

** I love each and every one of you for the comments, follows and favourites! I know i don't have the time to get back to you all, but seriosuly, much love and thank you! Enjoy the chapter 3**

* * *

'It's not grafts.' The three of them; Tony, Gibbs and Ziva just stare back at the doctor. They'd spent the past four hours worrying and fretting, trying to get Tony calm enough to hold his daughter, kiss his wife and get some rest. All to lead back to this, a false assumption leading to a unremarkable result and, god, none of them have ever been happier about that before.

'It's not?' Tony asks quietly, allowing himself to relight that tiny flicker of hope that had been slowly growing in him since the transplant, but had diminished at the thought of being even more ill. Dr. Oliver shakes his head with a little smile, Brad stood next to him, flicking through a file.

'Nope, not graft vs. host.' The doctor repeats, and Gibbs narrows his eyes, because he keeps saying just that. It's not graft vs. host. It's not that one thing, but something's wrong. Either way, Tony's got some kind of skin discolouration, and a temperature, and off results in his liver function tests. And none of that is nothing.

'Okay, so it's not that. What's causing the symptoms?' He doesn't want to say it, he really doesn't but he has too, they have to stop putting off finding out what it actually is and just get this over with. Gibbs is a rip-the-bandage-off-quickly kind of guy.

'The tests were inconclusive. The rash and temperature could be from being stuck in here all the time, stress and cabin fever, liver functions is most likely because of the amount of chemotherapy Tony's had over the past year. But it could also be an infection of some kind. We'll keep a close eye on you for the next few hours and see if anything changes. Hopefully, it's nothing we can't deal with easily.' Tony throws out a brave smile, because thankfully he hasn't gotten another disease whilst trying to rid himself of the first one. He's had infections while being ill before, and yeah he'd felt pretty bad for a while afterwards, but he'd take it over fighting another chronic illness any day. Dr Oliver leaves soon after that, promising that a nurse or himself will be back every hour to keep an eye on him, and that Brad's going to be sticking around a while.

'How long are you sticking around for?' Tony asks, once Oliver is out of the room and Brad's cooing over his daughter, finally thieved from Tony's protective arms for a cuddle.

'As long as you're stuck here, I'll be around the hospital.' Brad smiles at him.

'You don't need to. It gets pretty boring just-'

'I know I don't need to, I want to. I'm sure the rest of these bozo's told you the same, huh?' He jerks his chin out towards Ziva and Gibbs, who are chatting quietly by the window. Gibbs snorts.

'Only every single day since he got sick.' He growls, but he's not really angry, and he knows Tony finally got it in the end that they were sticking around no matter what. Brad just laughs, rocking Alexa gently as she grins up at him.

'You got the damn cutest baby I ever seen, Tony. Pretty much all of Ziva and none of you, right?' Brad smirks, earning him a bright smile from Ziva and another snort from Gibbs, this time more amused.

'As long as she has good taste in clothes and watches the classics with me, I don't care who she looks like, but screw you, Pitt.' Tony laughs. Brad just rolls his eyes and hands Alexa back to Tony, slumping in the seat next to him.

'I called Abby while we waiting for your results. She's brining a laptop, a HDMI and some kind of easy-install big screen that McGee found somewhere. We're having movie night tonight.' This elicits another grin from Tony, and a exaggerated sigh from both Gibbs and Ziva, although it makes them happy that just a simple movie night can still make Tony smile like that.

'Oh? Cool! You told her to bring all the good one's right? And popcorn, although it'll have to be sweet cause salt and these ulcers? Nu-uh. Urgh, Brad, dude, you arrived at totally the right time. Hospitals are so boring, how can you even work in one?' That is straight up the longest, and most exuberant, speech Tony's given since maybe the wedding. And Brad's laughing as Abby and McGee barrel through the door loaded with electrical items and throwing bags of popcorn and other candy at people.

'Movie night is go!' Abby squeals, depositing her arm full of things onto Brad's lap and climbing into Tony's bed to hug him. 'We haven't done this in so long!' She beams, as Tim starts setting up all the equipment.

'I dread to think what the next nurse to walk in that door is going to say!' Tony chuckles, but Abby just winks at him.

'We stopped Isabelle on shift change over before we came in, she says she saw nothing.' And there it is, the start of what Tony thinks might be the rest of his life. Surrounded by family and friends, movie nights like the old times, popcorn kernels being caught from dropping on Alexa's head by Ziva's ninja skills. Yeah, this is the way it's supposed to be.

* * *

They're half way through Casablanca, the third movie of the night, when Tony figures this might not be the night he wanted it to be. It's almost midnight, Ziva is asleep, head on his shoulder, Alexa is curled in Gibbs' arms. Abby, Tim and Brad are all sprawled on extra recliners they found somewhere, and Tony is suddenly too hot and too cold at the same time. He's shivering, but he can feel a line of sweat making it's way down his neck and spine. He can't get comfortable.

And then he coughs.

It's wet, and it hurts, and everyone in the room is suddenly extremely quiet.

'Tony, you doing alright man?' Brad's leaning forward in his chair, experienced eyes raking over Tony's clammy form.

'I don't know.' Tony moans, voice hardly above a whisper. 'I felt okay, and now I just.. Don't.' Abby hops up off her chair quicker than Tony thought possible for someone still wearing five inch platform boots, and she's next to him with her hand pressing against his cheeks and his forehead, fingers of the other hand finding their way to the pulse in his neck.

'Tony, you're burning up, and you're pulse is all racy and erratic.' She has tears in her eyes, her voice is shaky. Ziva, now awake, takes Alexa from Gibbs so he can come around the bed and make way for Brad, who's already pressed the call nurse button and wheeled the portable Ob's machine over to Tony's bedside.

'Hey, DiNozzo? I'm just going to do your pressure, pulse and temp alright?' Tony can just nod, everything's gone suddenly down hill, quicker than he thought. Isabelle bustles into the room just as Brad is sliding the thermometer into his ear.

'Isabelle, he's tachy at 129, and he's spiked a temperature of 102. Page Dr. Oliver, please?'

'Sure.. Sure.' Even Isabelle looks kinds of dazed right now, she'd only been in half an hour ago to check on him. How could this have happened without any prior warning? She pages him, but leaves one of the other nurses to wait for a reply so she can return to Tony.

'Hey, sweetie!' She comes back into the room with that stupid wide smile that Tony hates. 'Gonna do some more bloods, I think. See what's going on.' Again, all Tony can do is nod. He's letting his eyes dart around the room, the others have gathered in a group in the corner of his room, watching him. Gibbs is the one too come back to his bedside as Isabelle slides the needle home into his skin again.

'You'll be okay, Tony. Alright? Don't worry about it until we find out what's going on and how we deal with it. You're going to be fine.' Tony's trying to calm down, really he is, but there are tears gathering in his eyes, and he's so goddamn warm.

'Something's wrong.' Tony gasps, hand fisted in the sleeve of Gibbs' NCIS sweatshirt.

'Tony, shh now. You've got to calm down, okay? I promise, we'll take care of you, you'll be fine, but you've got to calm down.' Brad sooths from the other side of him as Dr. Oliver bustles into his room.

'We'll get an ECG and full blood counts done, see what's going on. Tony, can you explain how you're feeling to me, please?'

'Too hot, too cold, My chest is tight and ac-' Another cough rolls through him, Gibbs and Brad are forced to help him sit up and a basin is thrust under his mouth just before some vile goo manages to emerge from him and the world spins for a little while. The black spots, eventually, clear from his vision and he finds himself back on his back, a stethoscope pressed to his chest and a warm, soothing hand on his bicep.

'Definitely sounds like an infection going on in there, Tony. We'll get you on a mask, give you some painkillers and a wide-spectrum antibiotic until we know exactly what we're dealing with, alright?' Tony just nods, still trying to pull in a half decent breath with Gibbs and Brad silently coaching him through it the way they did when he was recovering from the plague.

The oxygen mask helps, the clean air flowing freely towards him helps abolish what's left of the black spots swimming in his vision. The sedative added to his antibiotics, however, brings them back. And somewhere inside himself, he's glad for the first time in his life that someone gave him something without asking him first.

* * *

Tony's fever spikes at 104.4 two hours later. The sedative, light as it was, should have worn off by now, but Tony's not waking up. He's sweating and shivering, eyes shut but flickering like a bad dream is chasing him, his entire body is slightly tense.

'It's pneumonia. Mycoplasma pneumonia to be precise.' Dr Oliver says, flicking through Tony's chart.

'And what does that mean, exactly?' Gibbs demands. It's just him, Ziva and Brad there now. He'd sent Abby and Tim to DiNozzo's house with Alexa for the night.

'It's caused by a free living agent in the human body, activated by a disruption in bacteria. It's causing the cough, the temperature and the rash.' Gibbs nods slowly, eyes never off Tony, and temples his fingers together.

'So, how did the bacteria get disrupted?'

'His immune system is weakened, anyone could have brought anything in with him. It could be just a common cold escalated into something else, we don't know.'

'How do we treat it?'

'We start him on doxycycline, an antibiotic. Keep him on the mask and monitor any improvement and deterioration. But Agent Gibbs, you have to know that with immune-compromised patients, recovering from something like this has a higher mortality rate than others. If Tony doesn't have it in him to fight, well…' Gibbs watches the doctor as he swallows, unable to finish the sentence.

'He's strong enough. He'll pull through.' Gibbs says, but he sounds a lot more confident than he feels, and Ziva leans a little heavier into his side because she knows how he's feeling right now.

'Of course he will, boy fought the plague. A little pneumonia won't stop him.' Brad retorts in an overly cheerful voice that everyone is slightly grateful for because at least he's trying. The doctors leave them alone after that, telling them to inform someone the moment it looks like he's about to wake up. Gibbs leans forward, mouth right next to Tony's ear, Ziva watching them intently.

'You pull through this, DiNozzo. You live. That's an order.' Gibbs whispers. And that's the first time he's ever worried that maybe, just maybe, Tony won't comply.


	19. Decline and Ice Chips

**GUYS, I am so sorry for the late update. Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter enough to make up for it though. It's fairly short, but it's entirely from Gibbs' POV and i changed my writing style a little to adapt to how i think most of his 'panicked' inner thoughts are like. Anyway, just read it and let me know? :)**

**A/N- There's only one or two more chapters of this left now i believe, and we've had a good run! Thank you to everyone who has stuck through with me until now. I hope you keep on enjoying it until the last word.**

* * *

Gradually, Tony got worse. The first parts of the pneumonia were quick and frightening, but after that, the way Tony's fever was up .1 a degree each time, and the more his breathing became laboured and painful the listen to, the more terrified they all became.

It was a almost a full 24 hours after that first cough that Tony's fever spiked at 105. He was melting cold packs just minutes after they touched his skin, the medication to fight it didn't seem to be working. It was only an hour after that when the doctors decided to move him into a new clean room in ICU and incubate. The damage to his lungs caused by the plague, the weakness of his immune system and body in general because of the leukemia and the chemo and the bone marrow transplant, they were all things adding up against Tony's life.

Abby sobbed, the first time she saw Tony lying, grey and still, a machine breathing for him. She wasn't in the clean room, but stood outside the window being cradled by Tim who couldn't find words to offer comfort. There was no comfort to be had. They'd seen Tony in some dire situations, times when there was the possibility he might die. But this? This was new, painful, harsh and more than just a possibility. More like almost an inevitability.

Ducky and Palmer visited too, not as shocked but just as distressed by the sight of Tony lying there helpless. Vance and Jackie popped in for a little while, hovering outside the window with halted breaths and pained expressions.

They were all saying goodbye in silence, even Ziva seemed resigned. Spending almost every moment at Tony's bedside, leaving Alexa with whatever team member was free, watching him, waiting for the doctor to come back and tell them that they don't think there was anything else they could do. She whispered things about Alexa and Tony missing all the good things about her growing up, she whispered about how much she would always love him. She was letting him go, gradually, the same way the infection was taking him from them. Slowly.

It was driving Gibbs insane.

He sat there, watching them all in silence. Somewhere inside he could feel that tiny bit of hope he had becoming smaller and smaller. In the recess of his mind, Gibbs knew that the chances were slim, almost to none. He knew that the infection on top of everything else would eat away at Tony from the inside until there was nothing left of Tony but skin and bone that was filled with stem cells that were not his own, but a team mates last ditch attempt to save his brothers life.

If Tony followed his order and lived for them, he'd never headslap Tony again. He'd never belittle him to make him learn, he'd never cancel dinner because he didn't think he could put up with the incessant ramblings any longer. Gibbs bargained with a God he wasn't entirely sure he believed in for just this one last chance. Just let Tony live. He wouldn't fuck it up this time. He wouldn't let anything happen to him ever again, he'd give his own life if he had to.

Just let Tony wake up.

God doesn't reply, not that Gibbs really expects him to. Not that he ever really believed there was some omnipresent being he could pray to for saviour. He'd just hopes, trying to keep that tiny, flickering belief that Tony would pull through this, alive. Tony just lays there, fever now stable at 104.9. Abby cheered when she found out it had dropped by .1 of a degree. Like it would outweigh all of the .1 degree's he'd gained over the past day. The machines beside Tony's bed are both soothing and infuriating.

Soothing because they let him know with the steady thump of a ventilator and the beep of a heart monitor let him know that, yes, Tony was still with him.

Infuriating because they shouldn't be needed. They shouldn't be there, breathing for a man that only 29 hours ago could breath perfectly well for himself. Counting the beats of a heart that was strumming strongly without needing monitoring for the past almost 30 years of his life.

Finally, even Gibbs needs a break. Coffee, shower, food, coffee, catch up at work, coffee, spend some time with Alexa, coffee. Back to the hospital.

Apparently, the widely accepted theory that breaks are good for you is actually true. Gibbs will never deny his team a break again in his entire life now, because he comes back to the hospital and things are finally looking up.

Tony's fever has broken.

* * *

'So, why is he still on the ventilator? Why isn't he waking up?' Gibbs questioned Dr. Oliver and Brad, arms crossed over his chest, flickering between watching Tony through the window and listening to what the doctors were saying.

'He's not out of the woods yet. His temperature is still too high for our liking and the pneumonia still needs fighting. He'll wake up on his own, when he's ready, and then we'll take the ventilator out when we know he can breath properly for himself.' Gibbs nods.

'But he will wake up? We're past the worst now?' Dr Pitt nods with a slight smile on his face, the first in almost two days.

'We're past the worst. We'll assess him when he's conscious and see if there will be much lasting damage but I'm sure he'll be okay. Tony's a fighter, Gibbs. You know that better than most.' Another nod from Gibbs and this conversation is over. He's slipping back into clean room attire, disinfecting, reducing the health risk. He'll sit with Tony until he wakes up, until he's breathing by his own accord, till he makes a stupid joke about a stupid movie with a stupid actor in, if he has to. It doesn't matter. Nothing else but this matters.

We're past the worst. Tony will be okay.

The sound of the heart monitor by Tony's bed has been constant since it was attached. Not one leap, skip or stutter.

_Beep._

_BeepBeep._

_Beep._

Which is why it is immediately obvious that something is going on when it changes.

_Beep._

_BeepBeep._

The next single beep doesn't come, the change in the rhythm skips it to the next double beep. The change in one of the two most constant noises from the past two days startles Gibbs from his inner thoughts. Suddenly, he was sitting up straighter in his chair, hand hovering over the call nurse button on the side of the bed controls and watching Tony closely.

His eyes are flickering, like he's dreaming inside his head. Tony's eyes haven't done that at all since he feel unconscious. Which can only mean one thing.

Tony's waking up.

It's like all of a sudden, things are speeding up again. It's not gradual, it's not slow. One second Tony's heart is skipping and his eyes are fluttering and the next he's trying to throw himself upwards and choking on the tube down his throat. Nurses monitoring the machines register the sudden panicked speed of Tony's heartbeat, flooding the room while Gibbs presses Tony back into the mattress by his shoulders.

'Tony, hey. Tony! Shh, listen to me, okay?' Finally, terrified eyes land on him, still slightly glazed with exhaustion and fever. 'Let this nurse look you over, then they'll get this tube out. Alright. You're fine, just don't fight the tube right now until everything's given the okay. Can you do that for me?' Tony gives a slight nod, eyes losing some of their almost hysteria level panic. Nurses swarm in and around them until Gibbs is pushed out of the way, and then finally Dr Oliver and Brad are paged and the nurses, other than Isabelle, are leaving.

'Finally back with us, Tone?' Brad smiles broadly while Dr. Oliver double checks everything the nurses have just looked at.

'Alright, Tony? You're looking good, so we're going to get this tube out of you in a sec okay?' Tony nods again. 'Isabelle, can you have a mask ready, after that we'll see how he does on nasal cannula.' Isabelle just smiles and bustles around the room finding all the things that were asked for as Dr Oliver turns his attention back to Tony.

'Okay, this tube is coming out now Tony. I want you to take a deep breath, and then when you feel it tugging I want you to cough. Can you do that for me?' Another nod, Brad gives an encouraging smile, Gibbs just grabs Tony's clammy hand because he knows that although Tony is hiding it well, he's just as terrified right now as he was when he first woke up. So Gibbs presses his hand into Tony's, lets Tony's nails dig into his and waits for the cough and the odd sound of the tube being slid from Tony's mouth. He's hardly had it out a second before Isabelle is snapping a oxygen mask over his face and Tony is frowning at her. She just laughs.

'Just to make sure your O2 levels are up, then we'll get you on a nasal.' She comments, removing the ventilator tube from the doctors hands and dropping it into a cardboard bowl at the end of the bed.

'Tony? I don't want you to try and speak yet. I know your throat will be feeling pretty raw, so we'll get you some ice chips once we're sure your oxygen levels are okay. So just nod for yes, shake for no and hold up fingers for number answers, alright?' Dr Oliver says as he flips open his clip chart and scans over his previous notes. Gibbs doesn't really care, all he cares about is the fact that Tony's awake, and his fever is down to 99.2, and well. Tony's awake.

'How much pain are you in right now?' Tony takes a second to deliberate before holding up six fingers. Dr Oliver nods, Brad smiles.

'Other than that and residue confusion, anything feel stranger than usual?' Tony shakes his head, another nod from Oliver, another smile from Brad. Clip board is flipped shut, and monitors are checked again, but everything seems fine to Gibbs.

'Your O2 levels look fine Tony. We'll move you to nasal and get you those ice chips as well.' Isabelle is there, swapping Tony's oxygen supply and depositing a cup of ice with a plastic spoon on the bedside table. The doctors disappear with promises to check back soon.

Gibbs spoons the tiniest amount of ice into Tony's mouth once he nods at it and pleads with his eyes. Tony sighs as the chilled water soothes his throat. Another two spoons and he's brave enough to try talking.

'Thanks boss.' Tony manages to rasp out before wincing. His voice is harsh and dry, croaking and painful. But that doesn't matter right now, nothing much matters right now.

Tony's awake.


	20. Recovery and Returning

**Alright guys, here we are. Last chapter of Bad Timing is finally here. I'm literally almost in tears because it's half three in the morning and i just spent near enough 12 hours trying to get this right. I hope you enjoy it. **

**It's been wonderful writing this for you all, and i hope you all got out of it what i did! It's been difficult to write, as is every painful plot, but it has been worth the effort and the research and the hours pouring over a computer to get this just right, and i hope i achieved what i set out to do. **

**I love you all, okay.**

* * *

Once upon a time, Tony fully believed that battling off the plague had been the most difficult thing he'd ever done, health wise. Really, he thought that nothing could amount to the feeling of fluid in your lungs, not being able to take a breath on your own, the pain of constricting muscles between his ribs. That is, of course, until he got pneumonia whilst trying to get a bone marrow transplant to take in order to cure his cancer.

It took three weeks before the chest pains caused by the pneumonia finally went away and he could breath without an oxygen mask at night and a nasal cannula during the day. He was still stuck with the feeding tube though, in an attempt to keep his weight and nutrition up while his body focused on everything else. He was scratching at the clean plaster of the feeding tube right now, as he had every time he was nervous or bored for the past few weeks, as he talked to his doctor.

'So, you're moving me out of ICU and clean rooms, and back into ward? Does that mean the transplant has worked, I'm no longer… y'know?' Dr Oliver laughed a little as Gibbs batted Tony's hand gently away from his nose.

'It's too soon to start predicting long term remission, but right now you're blasts are down to 6%, and everything else is back on it's way to healthy. The pneumonia has cleared up nicely, finally, and the bone marrow isn't rejecting. You're getting better right now, Tony.'

Hope is something Tony hasn't had much of the past year. None at all over the past few weeks. But right now, he could feel it. Warm and unfamiliar in the pit of his stomach and the back of his mind and deep in his heart, in the same place his love for Ziva and Alexa lay. Those words, not promises yet, but enthusiastic steps forward, were finally giving him hope. Maybe, just maybe, he'd get through this alive.

'So what about his liver functions? Any sign on need for transplant yet or will it be okay?' Gibbs questioned. It was one of their main concerns now, whether his liver would hold up under the pressure of the disease, the toxins from the chemo and the transplant. If he had to go under the knife, then both he and Tim would no longer be able to work as field agents. It was not something Tony wanted for either of them.

'At the moment, functions are holding. No transplant in sight at all. Tony; you'll need to take pills probably for the rest of your life to keep it under control, but I'm sure you'd prefer that over not being able to go back to work, right?' Tony smiled widely, nodding at Doctor Oliver.

'Thought so.' Dr. Oliver smiled back. 'So I'll just get Nancy to come in and do your obs one more time, and then we'll get you moved back up into Isabelle's care on Oncology. Sound okay?'

'Sounds perfect, thanks doc.' Tony replied with another nod of his head in the doctors direction as he moved to leave the room. The door had only just closed when he turned to Gibbs, tears threatening at the back of his eyes.

'It's going to be okay?' He meant it to come out as a statement, happy and hopeful, but there was still doubt and uncertainty underneath that made Tony wary of any positive steps forward. Gibbs just smirked at him, lightly cuffed him around the back of the head and chuckled.

'You know it will be.'

* * *

Tony was only back on the oncology ward for a week and three days. On the third day there, they moved him onto soft foods and off the feeding tube, on the sixth they introduced actual solids. On the tenth, Isabelle practically skipped into his room, genuine smile on her face, a kiss on the top of Alexa's head who was resting in Tony's arms, and a clipboard with a suspicious amount of pages and writing attached to it.

'What's going on, Belle?' Tony inquired with a smile. As much as he still felt awful, he was better than he'd been in months. Isabelle mock glared at him for all of half a minute at the shortening of her name before the smile returned.

'You, Tony, are going home!' She exclaimed, clipboard thrust out towards him. Tony took a cursory glance over them, and was shocked to find they were actually his discharge forms. Slowly, he handed Alexa to Ziva who was perched on the side of his bed, and shifted up slowly so he could take the board and read them over properly.

'Like for real, you're letting me go home?' Tony glanced between the pages of medical jargon and discharge rules, and Isabelle, who was nodding at him encouragingly.

'Yeah. You get to go home and recover now, obviously you'll have to come back for check ups. We want you back here in three days for the initial check up, then a week after that. Then two, then four and then every 6 months if everything goes to plan.' Tony gawped at her, mouth opening and closing again over and over until she took pity on him and handed him a pen.

'You're really going home this time, Tony. Things are looking good, just sign the papers and then get home with your family. Everything will be fine.' She smiled gently at him before turning on her heel and leaving them. Tony continued to gawp at her until Ziva nudged him.

'Are you okay?' She whispered cautiously, his head whipped round to look at her, taking in the sight of her cradling their daughter in her arms.

'Yeah,' Tony nodded, swallowing. 'Yeah I'm okay. Lets get out of here?' Alexa chirped happily in her mothers arms, reaching a tiny hand out towards Tony and he chuckled at her, grabbing the outstretched hand lightly and shifting to lean over her a little. 'You think that's a good idea, poppet? Daddy and Mommy and you all going home forever this time huh?' She grinned her gumless smile at him and gurgled, clenching her fingers lightly around his thumb.

Tony pried his hand away from his daughter, throwing one more look at Ziva, before flicking through all of the papers and signing where necessary. Now that he knew this was happening, for real, no take backs, he was excited. Tony knew he wasn't out of the woods yet, but just knowing he can go home and spend and undetermined amount of uninterrupted time with his wife and daughter was an amazing feeling. Along with knowing he might one day be fit enough to return to the field, that McGee won't have to give up a job he loves in order to save his life, being able to say that he's finally on his way to remission. They're all things that just a month ago, none of them had dared to have hoped for, and now they were all happening, all at once. It was exciting and terrifying, all at the same time, but Tony was ready for this. To get back to life, finally.

* * *

Home for Tony over the past year had been the hospital. He'd spent pretty much all of his time there, with the exceptions of weeks between treatments. Which meant that being home was a strange thing to adjust to.

Instead of hourly observations, he got four hourly screams from his daughter. Instead of a single bed and scratchy sheets, he had a king covered in cotton and silk with his wife, warm and comforting by his side. Instead of the smell of disinfectant and illness, there was baby formula and the cookies Ziva had taken to baking recently. Some days, Tony found it harder to adjust than others. Days which, if he'd been on a treatment plan still, would have been chemotherapy days or MRI scan days or blood test days. Sometimes it was too quiet, no squeaky nurses shoes, no phones ringing, no beeping from a heart monitor or the faint hum of the oxygen tank that had been connected to his cannula.

Others times though, most of the time really, Tony was more content with life than he'd ever felt before. McGee, Gibbs, Abby and even Vance and Jackie with their kids were in and out of the house all of the time. He had Ziva and Alexa with him, he was safe and getting healthy. Yeah, there was still the threat of a relapse hovering over them, but when at his four week cheek up they'd declared him officially in remission, he'd let go of some of that fear. They were at three and a half months out of hospital now, with no complications.

Alexa was getting big, almost at 9 months old now, she was crawling a little and getting teeth through. Eating more than any child should have the stomach for. She had perfect ringlets and green eyes, olive tone skin that was warm and soft. Ziva was preparing to go back to work, ready to believe Tony would be okay enough now to cope with Alexa alone while she fought the bad guys. Tony was beginning to build his strength up so he could do the same, although he knows it could take at least a year to be fit enough to be cleared for duty. He's willing to wait as long as it takes, just as so as life gets back to normal eventually.

* * *

In the end it takes 18 months for Tony to be declared medically fit to return to work. He's still a little underweight, and there are days when his headaches become too painful for him to stand, but he's strong enough and fast enough; and according to his psych eval he was mentally stable enough to come back into the fold. Start doing what he does best again.

By the time Tony is cleared though, he isn't exactly sure he wants to go back. He's spent the last 18 months with his daughter, keeping her happy and safe, with her at pretty much all times. Ziva worked, and Tony had Alexa. In his spare time, he wrote cinema and film reviews for their local paper and worked a little bit on logistics and information with the team. He was settled in his life like this.

At the same time though, he missed the action of being a field agent. He missed being in the thick of things, of knowing every facet of every investigation and putting the pieces together to find the right guy and do someone justice. He's just not sure if he can leave this happy, settled, stable life they've all developed to go back to that.

Which is why, when Vance came to him with a knowing look and a job offer, Tony snapped it up as soon as he can.

'Tony, it's good to see you back in the building again.' Agent Nichols nodded at him with a smile that Tony returned. Others waved, smiled, nodded and chatted with him as he made his way through to the bullpen. He leaned over Ziva's desk to press a kiss to her mouth, she'd left earlier than him so that he could drop Alexa off with the nanny, and then dropped coffee's on everyone's desk.

'Goooooood-morning guys.' Tony grins at them, earning an eye roll from Gibbs and grins in return from McGee and his wife.

'Shouldn't you be upstairs, DiNozzo.' Gibbs nods towards MTAC, where Vance is watching them all with amused eyes.

'I brought coffee, you should not be sending me away so soon Gibbs!' Tony smirks, earning chuckles from the other agents around them. Gibbs just rolled his eyes again.

'You sure you're ready to get back into work?' Gibbs asks, changing the mood slightly as he ran his eyes over Tony, taking in the still slightly prominent cheekbones and hair that is much finer than it had been before the leukemia. Tony nods, sipping on his coffee.

'More than ready.' He replies eventually.

'Well go to it then, Assistant Director DiNozzo.' Gibbs smiles at him, and Tony laughs. It feels wrong to know he's not working under Gibbs now, and even more wrong that he got the job in the first place, but Vance had said he was qualified and he trusted him, and that he was sure he was ready for it, so it was enough for Tony.

He was just glad to be back.


End file.
